


Nothing Worth Having

by rle3630



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: And not just me for writing this, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Cyborg, Big Brother Nightwing, Clueless Beast Boy, Complicated Relationships, Double Agents, Dreams and Nightmares, Drunk Hook-Up, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heart-to-Heart, I'm Going to Hell, Loss of Control, Manwhore Beast Boy, Mind Games, Miscarriage, Misunderstanding Galore, One Night Stands, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Over Complicated Plot, Public Display of Affection, Running Away, Sassy Raven, Self-Hatred, Sex, Shadowy Unknown Figure, Stalking, Stubborn Raven, True Love, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wall Sex, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:36:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 77,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8640829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rle3630/pseuds/rle3630
Summary: It's 2 years since Tokyo and things have changed for the Titans. The Team has become even more like a family. Dick and Star are still going strong, mostly. Cy is dating a mysterious woman who is in no way mysterious. Raven has gotten a much better control of her powers and BB has developed a very unhealthy coping mechanism that involves blue-eyed blondes. Change is on the horizon, and will the recent string of charity fundraiser robberies lead to the end of the original Teen Titans or will they find a way to come out of it stronger than ever?DISCLAIMER: I have never and probably will never own the Teen Titans. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go drown my sorrows in this giant tub of ice-cream.WARNING: Rating is due to occasional smutty scene. Don't worry I'll warn you beforehand.I suck at summaries, please give it until at least chapter 2 before you fob it off, please.





	1. Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series I have up on FF.net and DA.I'm fairly new to AO3 so please forgive my crappy tagging etc, I'm still getting used to it. All comments are appreciated but please be aware that I am writing this for fun so please keep it civil. Please enjoy.

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

**  
**

_Raven tried to take a breath, but the very air around her burned her lungs. She strained to see through the smoke, but couldn't make out anything more than a foot in front of her face. A flash of green caught her attention and she moved towards it. She wrapped a part of her cloak over her mouth as she slowly shuffled forward, keeping a hand against the hot and jagged wall of the dark tunnel to steady her should she trip._

_The tunnel fell away and she was suddenly in a large cave, and while the air was still stifling it no longer hurt to breath. Her eyes were drawn suddenly to a raised altar in the middle of the room where two figures sat._

_Terra and Beast Boy were in an embrace, hands groping, mouths glued to one another. Raven blushed and felt a small twinge as she turned away only to turn back when a feeling of foreboding suddenly engulfed her. She watched as BB started to nuzzle Terra's neck and the earth mover smiled. She turned and locked eyes with Raven, her eyes starting to glow gold. Raven was rooted to the spot as Terra moved her hand, snapping one of the stone stalactites above them and used her powers to plunge it into his back. Raven fell to her knees and cried out as she watched her friends' last gasping breath, the blonde laughing at her sorrow._

Raven awoke with a scream. Her heart hammered in her chest and her breath came in gasps. Her silver silk sheets were soaked in sweat and the room around her was a testament to her highly emotional state if the books and papers lay scattered around the floor were anything to go by. Raven tried to slow her breathing, her heart rate and to generally get her emotions under control. The image of Terra standing over a dead Beast Boy flashed through her mind and she huffed as the chair to her desk flew across the room and crashed into the wall.

Raven sighed and got up to go take a shower to quieten her nerves. By the time she had towelled herself off the dream was pushed to the back of her mind. After she changed into a pair of black cut-offs and a purple singlet top, she walked to the kitchen to get her morning tea to soothe her frazzled nerves. Raven moved through the Com-room and into the kitchen, put the kettle on to boil and leaned against the kitchen counter to soak in the quiet of the early morning. The nightmare had woken her an hour before her usual time and no-one was up at 5am, not even early bird Dick. Even with the noise that came with her powers throwing things, the sound-proofing they had installed in all of the bedrooms ensured it wouldn't have woken anyone else up.

After the team had returned from Tokyo to a still wrecked tower, they had decided not to put it back the way it was but to make some improvement. So they had upgraded the training facilities, the computers and the entertainment equipment. And had added sound-proofing to all of the bedrooms. Cy, BB and Raven had insisted on it. While Star and Dicks relationship was new, it wouldn't stay that way for long and nobody wanted to listen in on their affection. It was a peace of mind thing all round, and turned out to be a wise decision if the teams occasional stays in hotels when they were travelling was any indication.

Raven thought on the changes that her fellow team mates had gone through since then. So much had changed in the 2 years that had passed since their return. Dick had shot up and filled out, and he and Star had been dating for 2 years now and often shared Dicks' room. The Tamaranean woman had only grown more beautiful, but now had curves that made men drool. Cy had been seeing Bumble Bee for a year, but they later broke up when they realised their long-distance relationship wasn't really working. He had recently been sneaking off every few nights to meet up with someone and Raven was happy her friend was finding happiness again as he had taken the break-up hard. Raven herself had gone through a growth spurt but was still the shortest member of the team. Her dark purple hair now reached near her lower back and she had expanded her wardrobe to include outfits other than her Teen Titan uniform.

And then there was Beast Boy.

Raven sighed and grabbed the kettle as it started to whistle. She turned slightly as she heard giggling and a man's deep voice coming down the hallway that led to their rooms. She turned away as a pretty blonde girl with blue eyes and next to no clothing stumbled into the room. A tall green man grabbing for her and they kissed and groped as they made their way towards the elevator. Raven tried to ignore the sounds they were making as BB said goodbye to his conquest of the week.

He had shot up just like Dick had and the 2 men were almost the same height with Dick beating BB by an inch. After they had come back, BB had been trying to keep his mind off Terra and her apparent amnesia. He had taken to working out more and had gotten into extreme sports, trying to burn off his anger and grief. It had turned his lanky form toned and muscular. It was then then that he had taken up a slightly more destructive form of coping. His new physique now drew women like flies to honey. Women were practically throwing themselves at him and he seemed happy to oblige. Raven wasn't sure if he was even aware that the only companions that he chose were blue eyed blondes, like the woman who had just left. This being California they were hardly in short supply. Raven wondered if he was conscious of the fact he was using the women as substitutes for his first love. The woman he could never have.

Terra.

Raven once again shoved her nightmare to the back of her mind as the green changeling came back into the room with a large grin on his face. Raven raised an eyebrow at him as he spotted her and stopped in his tracks; he had obviously hoped to get the woman out of here before his friends woke up.

"Good night?" Raven asked with a smirk, ignoring the small twinge she felt whenever confronted with his nightly activities. BB gave a small smile and took the bar stool across from her as she made her tea.

After his 'Terra Issues' Raven had become a kind of confidante to BB. He had come to her whenever the grief consumed him, and it had brought them closer together. Now, they were still close but BB had wisely refrained from talking to Raven about his many women and that part of his life was something they never talked about. Which was how Raven generally preferred it. But she couldn't let the prime opportunity to tease him go to waste.

"Can I help it that the ladies can't keep their hands off me? Who could blame them when confronted with such a fine specimen of male perfection?" BB laughed and flexed in an imitation of a body builder. Raven's mouth went dry and she took a sip of her tea, hoping he wouldn't notice her blush. "Anyone with half a brain. Though I highly doubt it's their brains you're interested in."

*****

**BB chuckled at her jab. Brains had never really been a requirement for his bed-mates. He sat back to look at his friend. She was so different from the withdrawn introverted 15 year old he had met all those years ago. They had fought like cats and dogs in the beginning and BB hadn't really thought he could ever be friends with the goth with a sour outlook on life. 7 years later and she was one of his best friends: someone he considered family. She had helped him in his darkest moments after Terra's 'death' and after she came back as someone else. Raven knew what it was like to have your heart shattered and never told him platitudes like "It will get better". She had listened to him without complaint and for that he would be eternally grateful.**

**It wasn't just her spikey nature that had changed though. She laughed at the occasional joke (never his) and she stopped repressing her emotions as much as she used to. She had also grown curves in all the right places, and her hair was long and framed her beautiful face and made her violet eyes really stand out. Her shorts accentuated her long legs and BB had to stop himself from staring as she turned away to get some honey out of the cupboard above the stove. No matter how beautiful she was or how much he sometimes dreamed of her, he would never do anything about it. Not only would it wreck the friendship that had been so hard to develop, when it all went wrong (and it would) there would be no place to hide from her and no-one to help him lick his wounds. Raven was his rock, the one thing that had kept him together in the darkest hours of his depression. Losing Terra had shattered his heart. Losing Rae would destroy him. Better to have mindless and emotionless sex with women who meant nothing to him but a good time and a release. It might be somewhat cold but he never wanted to be in a position to be hurt that way again. He wasn't sure he'd be able to live through it a second time.**

**BB dragged his eyes away from Raven's long legs and asked a question he didn't really want the answer to to fill the silence. "How's Mason doing?"**

*********

Raven internally cringed at the mention of her ex-boyfriend's name. She had met Mason at her favourite bookstore. She had been browsing the folklore section for some reference materials for an assignment in one of her classes, when a tall slender red-headed man with warm brown eyes had come up and started talking to her. They had chatted for a few minutes before he had asked her out for coffee. Raven wasn't really used to men asking her out. She had gotten so used to men comparing her in an unfavourable way to the bubbly, vivacious Star (villains really didn't count as their flirting just made her uncomfortable). She had accepted and they had been seeing each other for over 5 months. Mason was a good guy; a professor of the occult at Jump University with similar tastes in reading to her. But there had always been something missing. Whenever they kissed or he touched her, she didn't feel anything. There was no spark. In fact his touch made her want to run for the hills.

It's not like she hadn't had relationships before. She and Garth (Aqualad) had had a 'friends with benefits' thing that had ended amicably after about 5-6 months and Roy Harper (Speedy) had asked her out more than once, probably taking her refusal as a challenge. There was just something about Mason that made her hold back. Maybe it was that he was always resentful when she had to cancel their plans if a mission came up. Or the way he sometimes belittled those who weren't academics like himself; as if anyone who lived a life different from his own weren't really worth his time. But it was the way he had put her friends down and had started to accuse Raven of cheating on him with male superheros that had been the final death knell on their relationship, and made her wonder why she even dated him in the first place and to redefine her definition of what constituted a good boyfriend.

_'You know why'_ a small voice whispered in her head. She squashed it, even when she knew it was right. Damn Timid.

Mason had shown interest in her when so many others went by her, not really seeing her. She was Raven: the scary Teen Titan who controlled black energy and turned into a monster when she lost control of her powers. Many people were afraid of her because of what she was. A half demon. An abomination.

Mason hadn't been afraid of her, he'd been fascinated. He had asked her countless questions but somehow never made her feel like she was a bug under a microscope. He had shown an interest in Raven the person not Raven the superhero. And that had probably been one of the only reasons their relationship had lasted as long as it had.

She was afraid that no-one would bother to look beneath the creepy surface to the person she was beneath again. After their argument yesterday though, she didn't care if she never saw him again. He had put down her friends for the last time. His need to be the centre of attention and be the smartest person in the room had been tweaked on the few occasions he had actually met her friends. It was one of his last comments that had stayed with her though. "I won't be used as a substitute for the green freak, Raven!" He hadn't believed her when she said there was nothing going on between her and her changeling friend, he had even accused her of being one of the masses BB had taken to bed.

For some reason though his statement had made her think. Had she really been using Mason as a substitute for BB because she knew she couldn't be with him? She had noticed her strange reactions when she had seen BB and the women sneaking in and out of his room. She had felt hurt, which is not the typical reaction to a friend getting laid. She had gone to Nevermore and tried to sort out the many voices of her emotions. What she had discovered had made her heart pound and her blood run cold. She had feelings for Garfield Mark Logan, their resident changeling and man-whore. Since this revelation, she had done everything in her power to avoid the evidence of his new womanizing ways. She had gone to her room early to avoid him necking with women on the couch, had gotten up after 6 to avoid their affectionate goodbyes. She would have been happier if the nightmare had woken up 20 minutes later so she could have avoided the earlier giggles and kissing entirely.

_He will never find out I want him_ she promised herself.

*****

**"We broke up yesterday. He wasn't too happy about it."**

**BB held in a sigh of relief as he examined Raven's face for any signs of sadness. Even if he thought the guy was a total tool, he didn't like it when his friend was hurting. Though, if the argument he had overheard yesterday was any indication, Mason was going to be the one nursing some injuries. He couldn't believe it when Mason had accused Raven of using him for a substitute for the 'green freak'. If only Mason had realised that using Raven's own personal F-word was enough to end things then and there he may of thought better of it. Anyway, he was dead wrong. Raven didn't feel that way about him. She had always treated him as if he was her annoying little brother and she would never do something as cold-hearted as use someone as a substitute, even if BB had no idea why she had liked the dick in the first place. Roy would be better for her than Professor Douchebag, which was saying something. Roy was a man-slut who'd bang anyone who offered. Some of the propositions he had made to Raven through the years had made BB want to unleash the Beast on his ass, but instead he contented himself with Raven's firm 'No thanks'. If that wasn't bad enough, Mason had really pushed it when he accused her of sleeping with him. BB had nearly lost it in that second, had nearly given in to the Beast waiting just below the surface when Raven was in danger or being threatened. He had just been coming around the corner when he saw a wave of black energy pushing Professor Douchebag off his feet and onto the couch, pushing it over with the force of her throw. Raven had stalked towards him then, her eyes glowing red. "If you really think I'd be one of the faceless many, you really don't know me at all" she had said before she had escorted him out of the tower and hopefully out of her life.**

**He hated to admit it, but her opinion of his sex-life stung a little. Sure, he slept with a different woman every week, but it wasn't like there were any illusions about it. They were getting the thrill of sleeping with a superhero and he was getting a willing bed-partner for a few nights. It was a win-win situation and you're only young once. He was enjoying it while it lasted.**

*********

Raven watched covertly as BB stretched and yawned, trying not to stare as his t-shirt lifted to show some of his sculpted stomach.

_Mmmm, me likey_ the voice of Lust whispered in her head. Raven internally rolled her eyes, but secretly agreed with one of her most annoying emotions. Lust had been almost entirely silent during her relationship with Mason, except near the end when it made comparisons between him and her green friend. "Well, I'm going to go get some sleep so I don't nap during training. Night Rae" BB slipped off the chair and walked towards his room scratching between his shoulder blades. It wasn't until he disappeared into his room that Raven heard a voice near her.

"His new girlfriend has gone home I'm guessing?" Raven jumped as Dick moved from the shadows and into the kitchen to the fridge. It was a testament to how badly BB distracted her that she hadn't sensed their leader's presence. "It's a bit early for you, isn't it Dick?" queried Raven, ignoring his earlier question and put the kettle back on so he could have his morning tea. He'd never admit it to anyone, but Raven had brought him over to the dark-side and he would now forgo coffee for tea with his breakfast each morning. "I thought I heard a thump and then I heard voices. I decided to investigate." Raven didn't suppress her eye roll this time, he was always one edge. You'd think having a hot alien girlfriend in his bed would reduce his stress levels. Apparently not.

"Sorry, the thump was me. I was hoping no-one would hear it. BB and I were just having a chat after he said his goodbyes." Dick cut his eyes to her, hearing the change in her tone as she spoke about BBs 'guest'. She was grateful when he turned away again and started pulling out food for his and Star's breakfast. Raven was struck by how much their fearless leader had changed. He was still as high-strung as a General, but his relationship with Star had brought out his caring side. Raven had always been his favourite when it came to the team itself (he had always listened to her opinions on strategy, team allocation when planning missions and brainstorming ideas on the villains next moves) but it was clear that his girlfriend was his favourite in everything else.

He muttered something to himself as he tried to juggle everything he needed in one trip to the counter.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that." Raven smiled as Dick tried to balance eggs on top of a loaf of bread and bacon. Dick sighed, placed the ingredients onto the counter and turned to face her.

"That path leads only to heartbreak" Dick repeated in his best big brother tone and Raven felt her face grow hot.

_He knows._

 


	2. The Talk

_NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_._

* * *

 

_He knows. Boy Wonder knows! It’s all over but the crying people. Abandon relationship! Someone get this woman 10 cats she can treat like fur-children pronto!_ Raven tried very hard not to wince as Sarcasm ran amok in her head.

She tried to push down the very real panic and faced her long-time friend with eyebrow raised and questioning look firmly in place. “What path, exactly, are we talking about Dick?” Raven hoped that he would think better of it and drop the topic. Apparently today wasn’t her day for avoiding awkwardness. “Raven, please. I’m not blind. Every time you are in the same room with BB when he starts carrying on, you get all withdrawn and you leave the room as quickly as you can.”

“That’s not true!” Raven tried to protest.

“You actually volunteered to get groceries last week so you didn’t have to watch BB stick his tongue down that girl’s throat on the couch. What was her name again? Sue? Beth?” Raven couldn’t look him in the eyes as she answered. “Her name was Amanda. She’s a freshman at Jump U studying psychology and she makes extra cash as a nude model for art classes.” Raven looked at Dick to find him gaping at her. “I have a good memory and she was trying to get buddy-buddy with me so I would convince Gar to say with her longer.” Dick just gave her a hard look. It was unendingly annoying that he was wearing his mask but she wasn’t wearing her cloak. It was so much easier to fake it when they couldn’t see her facial expressions.

"Raven, all I'm saying is BB is hiding from his grief and as much as you want to help him through it he can't really be helped until he wants to be. If we try to push the issue, he could just get worse. I don't want you to get your heart broken if you try to be with him when he's not ready. I don't want to have to see him treat you like every other woman passing through his bed.”   
  
"He wouldn't treat me like that!" Raven didn't like that Dick seemed to be able to read her mind and throw her worst fears back at her.

"I'm not saying he doesn't care about you, I'm just saying that at this point of time, he doesn't seem to be willing to have any relationship that isn't either strictly platonic or just for sex."

Raven sighed “Look Dick, I know you’re just trying to protect me, I do. But there really isn’t anything going on between the two of us. Just because the PDA makes me nauseous doesn’t mean I’m jealous.” Raven was slightly mortified when her voice broke and tears started to pool in her eyes. Dick gave her a sad look and pulled her into a brotherly hug. “I’m sorry, Rae”. Raven tried very hard to hold back her emotions at her friends’ uncharacteristic emotional display, but couldn’t hold it in as he wrapped her in a warm, brotherly hug.

*****

**BB watched from the doorway as Dick and Raven hugged each other. His blood boiled as he went back over snippets he had hear of their conversation. _Going on between the two of us…PDA makes me nauseous doesn’t mean I’m jealous._ Raven had sounded like she was going to cry. Now it all made sense. Why Raven had been dating such a douche like Mason: he had been a cover. Why Dick had been so bothered by Raven’s relationship with the aforementioned douche: he was jealous of anyone touching his plaything. Why Raven and Rob had been spending so much time in the Ops-room together ‘working on something’. They had been working on something alright. Figuring out how to hide their secret relationship from Dick’s girlfriend Star. He couldn’t believe it. Two of the people he had trusted most in this world, screwing around on their friend/girlfriend. This was going to devastate Star. BB felt the Beast within him shift. It cried out for blood as the Boy Wonder continued to hug Raven. _His_ Rae.**

**_Whoa, were’d that come from?_ ** **Raven isn’t my anything except a friend who he thought was above reproach. She had been created by evil to do bad things and she had risen above it. She was the moral paragon that the others had always aspired to be like. That _he_ had aspired to be like. And now to find out she was doing the nasty with Boy Blunder? BB seethed. “Hello friend Beast Boy, is it not a glorious morning?” How long had this been going on? Had long had they been going at it? The whole of Dick and Stars relationship or was it a recent thing? “BB, are you unwell? You look like you wish to hit something” And to do it so casually out in the open, what were they thinking? For all they knew Star could… “Starfire!” **

*****

Raven and Dick both jumped as they heard BB scream Star’s name from the hallway. They broke apart as he entered the Com-room behind her. Raven looked away as he gave them both a look filled with disgust. _Please tell me he didn’t hear us._ Raven closed her eyes and tried to compose herself as the stunning alien moved swiftly into Dicks embrace, giggling as he kissed her neck.

“Good morning to you friend Raven, I was just telling friend BB what a glorious morning it is!” Raven just nodded at her perky friend as she quickly went back over her conversation with Dick to see if she had let anything incriminating slip. “Will you be joining us on our picnic today friends? Boyfriend Dick has promised that we will have the day to frolic and spend time together. We could make it a date squared with you and your Mason” Raven looked at her happy friend and tried to hide her wince. _Just what I need, being a third wheel on a date with the two most in love people she had ever met._

“Sorry Star, Mason and I broke up yesterday. You won’t be seeing him around here anymore. You two go have fun though.” Dick gave her a relieved smile over Star’s head as her friend quickly moved to give her hug and offered to make her the ‘pudding of sadness’.

_Not the pudding. Anything but the pudding._ Everything tasted like a salt lick for a week after eating the pudding of sadness.

“Please Raven, you must feel free to cry on my shoulder. After all, friends must stick together in the times of sorrow” Kori’s genuine sadness on her behalf was both sweet and completely unnecessary. Their relationship had run its course and now it was over. End of story. Raven winced as she remembered all the cold-hearted things Mason had said about Star’s ‘clingy and over-emotional manipulative nature’. He had never really got it that while Star was definitely in touch with her emotions, the Tamaranean princess had gone through a lot and her cheerfulness was a by-product of her happiness to be able to live freely without being a prize in the Citadel or married to a giant green blob thing. _Speaking of green._

*****

**BB was barely keeping it together. When he knew what to look for, he could suddenly see all the little signals his guilty team-mates were giving off. A wince at the couples PDA. A smile to the goth girl when his girlfriend couldn’t see it. A sad look when Kori had mentioned ‘sticking together’. Just imagining the two of them sending each other coded love notes, trading glances when they thought no-one was looking, meeting up after everyone else went to bed so they could… _I think I’m gonna be sick._**

**BB got up from where he had flopped when he entered the room with Star. Three sets of eyes followed him as he quickly left the room and went to the gym to work off some of his anger and betrayal. He thought back through the 7 years they had been working and living together and wondered how he could have missed it.**

**It had always been so obvious that Dick and Raven were close. When the world ended, it had been Dick who had gone into hell itself to get her back. Raven was the one who went into Dicks mind to see through his eyes when Slades mask had made Dick see him everywhere. How could he have lived with these people for so long and not notice their budding romance?**

**BB entered the gym and went straight to the largest punching bag in the far-right corner. He wrapped up his hands and started to take out his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way. He landed punch after punch on the bag, combination after combination, trying to drown out the voices, the memories of actions between Dick and Raven that he hadn’t really given much thought to at the time.**

***Punch* Punch*Punch* All the times Dick had listened to her ideas and suggestions when planning their missions.**

***Punch*Punch*Jab* The times Raven had been so withdrawn and Dick was the only one who could bring her out of it.**

***Punch*Jab*Kick* How had he not seen it before? Dick never hesitated to put Raven’s wellbeing before his own. Dick never doubted Raven and vice versa. The two had a connection that only two very serious intellectuals could have. They could talk about almost anything for hours on end. Anyone could see they were made for each other.**

**“ARGH!!” BB let out a loud cry as he hit the punching bag so hard it flew off its tether and crashed into the wall, leaving a large hole and a broken bag spilling sand onto the wooden floors.**

**“BB? What the hell?!” BB turned with a growl as one of the two people he was furious with walked towards him with an angry expression on his face. “What has gotten into you? I know it can’t be lack of release as Rae saw your latest leave this morning, so what the hell is wrong with you?!” Dick yelled at him, moving towards the enraged changeling.**

**“What’s wrong with _me_? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!” BB took short breaths through his nose to try and keep the Beast under control, but it was a struggle. “I’m not the one screwing two girls at the same time Dick!” **

**Dick crossed his arms and smirked “Really? That’s not what I remember seeing last month after Purgatory” BB blushed, vaguely remembering the night he had turned 21. The team had gone out to the new club in town to celebrate. The next morning BB had awoken with two women in his bed and Dick banging on his door to wake him up for training. BB was yet to live it down.**

**“That’s not the point, we’re not talking about me we’re talking about you and Raven.” Dick shot him a confused look as he moved around him to the punching bag BB had brutalised.**

**“What about me and Rae?” BB seethed at Dick’s continued use of the nickname BB had given her.**

**“I mean the fact that you finally nut up and start dating Star and then go behind her back and screw Raven!” Dick grew still and slowly turned to glare at the green changeling.**

**“First and foremost, mine and Star’s relationship is nobody’s business but our own, but if you ever accuse me of cheating on her again, you had better have some damn good evidence to back it up. Second, just because the only relationship, and I use that term loosely, you can manage with a woman is based purely on sex doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else. And third and most importantly, if you really believe Raven could sleep with a guy that’s already in a relationship with someone else, let alone with one of her best friends, then I’d say you don’t know her as well as you think you do.” BB blushed but refused to back down about a secret relationship he had seen for himself was going on. “Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you. Sleeping with every willing woman is one thing, but when you start making baseless accusations that could emotionally destroy the woman I love then you’re pushing it BB.” Dick turned again towards the busted punching bag. BB started to move towards the doorway and away from the Boy Wonder, but not before getting in a final jab.**

**“Would that be Star or Raven?” he asked before leaving the seething leader behind him as he went to get a shower in his room, not noticing a stunned Star in the shadows near the open doorway.**

*****

Raven was finally starting her morning meditation on the roof when she felt someone move behind her and felt a wave of sadness coming off her visitor. “Is something wrong Star?” Raven gently lowered herself enough for her feet to reach the ground and turned towards one of her few female friends. It still amazed Raven sometimes that she and Star could get along so well when they had such different personalities. Where Star was light, laughter and endless compassion, Raven was dark, seemingly emotionless and as cheerful as a raincloud.

And yet besides their differences they had formed a bond that was originally built on the comradery of being the only two female Titans, but had deepened into a friendship which helped round them both out. Star brought Raven out of her shell and Raven was able to help Star channel her endless curiosity about her new home into something more than endless questions for her teammates.

“Friend Raven, if I were to ask you a painful question would you tell me the truth even if you knew it would bring me sadness?” Raven was slightly startled by this question, especially coupled with the mix of negative emotions radiating off her friend.

“If I thought it would help you more than it hurt you in the long run, yes I suppose I would. Why?”

Star took a deep breath and took a step towards Raven. “Would you tell me if yours and boyfriend Dick’s relationship was the same as mine and his?” _Is she asking me…Wait, WHAT?!_

“Kori of course it isn’t. How could you think I would ever do that to you? That _HE_ would ever do that to you?!” Star was looking at her hands, and Raven realised her shoulder were shaking with sobs. “Star, while I do love Dick it’s more of in a sibling way. He and Cy are like the overprotective big brothers I never had. Or wanted, honestly. I could never see him in that way. And even if I somehow did, it wouldn’t change the love I feel spike in him every time he’s near you.”

Star was finally looking at her and had stopped crying. “Really?” Star sniffed.

“I’m amazed you’d doubt it after all this time. Don’t you trust Dick?” Star nodded. “Don’t you trust me?” She nodded again.

“Then what in the hell made you think we would ever do something so awful to you?”

*****

**BB was just getting changed after his shower when someone knocked loudly on his door. The changeling continued to rub his hair with a towel as he opened the door on one extremely pissed off empath. “You are a dead-man, grass-stain!”**

 


	3. Operation 007

NOTE: Normal is Raven ** _, **Bold is Beast Boy,**_** _ _Italic is thoughts/dreams__ _._

* * *

 

**_I am so dead._ **

**In general, pissing off a woman was a bad idea. When the woman in question also happened to be a half demon with the powers to back it up, you are in deep shit. “Am I supposed to know what I did or is this a general butt-kicking?” _Are you insane, don’t antagonise her!_ The small voice in his head that he had always thought of as his sense of self-preservation was not happy with him. Then again with how often he had ignored it, he could understand why. **

**“Oh I don’t know” Raven drawled. Never a good sign. “How many sweet Tamaranean girls have you devastated with your unfounded accusations today?” This made BB pause and blush as he threw the towel into his laundry basket. As much as he hated Dick and Raven’s secret relationship, he hadn’t wanted Star to find out. He was hoping that having him know would be enough for them to break it off. Still, Raven’s anger gave him pause. Why was she so angry with him? If she and Dick had been fooling around, shouldn’t they be doing some serious damage control with Star?**

**Raven apparently wasn’t content to give BB time to try and think it through. “Garfield Mark Logan, stop stalling and answer me! What the hell do you think you’re doing throwing around crappy accusations in front of Star?” _She’s using my full name, never good._ Her last accusation really got his back up. **

**“Hey, I had no idea Star was listening in on mine and Dick’s discussion. But you know what? I’m glad she knows now too. It was a crappy thing for the two of you to do; carrying on behind her back. How could you do that to someone who so openly calls you her friend?” _Oh, you’re in deep shit now._ BB noted Raven’s pale face, reddening eyes and hands on her hips and realised that for once he should have listened to the voice in his head. Raven took a step towards him and he backed away as she crossed the threshold into him room, the back of legs hitting his bed. **

**“I don’t know what twisted little story you have going on in your warped mind, but forget it. Dick and I are what we have always been: FRIENDS! I have no more romantic interest in him than I do Cy or…you.” BB’s heart twinged as her saw the sadness cross her face before she could mask it. “I know that it’s been hard for you since Terra… but that doesn’t give you the right to try to destroy someone else’s happiness just because you can’t find your own. I know that this time of year you get a little more moody than usual, but you can’t just throw around wild accusations. Especially when they hurt people who love you and have always been there for you. We’ll all just give you some space tomorrow like we usually do and then you can apologise to Star and Dick for trying to ruin a two-year relationship because you’re still grieving and taking it out on everyone else.”**

**BB sank onto his bed and looked at Raven, the it in his stomach growing as reality sank in. The rage that had fogged his mind since he saw Dick and Raven hug cleared and he felt like an ass. Dick was as likely to cheat on Star as he was to go out in full uniform and take off his mask in front of the media. It would be something that would he would never do. Unless taken over by body-snatchers. And while BB found Raven’s recent taste in men questionable, she would never hurt someone she had thought of as a sister.**

**He should have realised how stupid it was when the thought had popped into his mind. It had just been something about the way Dick had so easily comforted Raven that had irked the Beast inside him, and he had just seen red and jumped to conclusions. This time of year always knocked him out of sorts and he should have taken that into consideration before he had flung poisonous allegations around.**

**Every year he got a little edgy when the anniversary of Terra’s ‘death’ came around. Every year he did something stupid. Every year he’d wonder what had gotten into him after the fact and swore to himself that it wouldn’t happen again. And then the next year would come around and it would start all over again. He had tried in recent years to channel the odd behaviour into extreme sports, like base jumping or swimming with sharks. Things that got the adrenalin pumping, but where he was in no real danger because of his powers.  It had worked most of the time, but this year BB had been so caught up in the team and classes at Jump U, not to mention his extra-curricular activities, that he hadn’t had time to plan anything. This was the result.**

**“Rae I…” BB started to say when the speakers in the hallway called a mission briefing.**

**“We just have to hang in there until the day after tomorrow. Don’t worry I’m sure they’ll forgive you…eventually.” Raven left him to soak in his shame. BB just sat on his bed and let his head drop into his hands. He had been so sure of Dick and Raven’s relationship and it sickened him to think that by misinterpreting what he had seen this morning, he had hurt Star. Pushing his worries to the back of his mind he quickly got changed and rushed to meet the others for the briefing.**

*****

Raven had made it the Com-room at the same time as Cy. “Where have you been all morning?” she hissed at him, knowing it was unfair to be annoyed with him when he was the only one who hadn’t been a player in today’s soap opera.

“I stayed at a friend’s place last night. Why, did I miss something good?” Raven rolled her eyes and stiffened as BB entered the room, getting the cold shoulder from three of the four other members of the team. “Why is it whenever I leave, I miss all the juicy stuff?” Raven had to agree that Cy had missed a few strained scenes in the past few weeks, probably due to his budding romance with the mystery woman.

“Trust me, I wish I had your luck.” Raven muttered before Nightwing drew all of their attention to the screen. 

“For the past few months there have been a series of hold-ups at charity events around the state. A man in a mask robs the patrons of their valuables and disappears into thin air.” he showed a grainy clip of one of the robberies and it was obvious who the culprit was. “Red X” they all said in unison. “Raven and I have been crunching the data and we think we’ve found a pattern.” Raven looked straight ahead, ignoring everything but the computer screen. She could feel BB’s gaze burning a hole into her skull, but she ignored it.

“We have determined that he will likely be hitting a charity event tomorrow for the Jump City Ballet Company. We’ve contacted the organisers and they’ve agreed to let us go in undercover so we can catch Red X in the act. I’ve booked us 4 rooms in the hotel holding the event. Cyborg you will be in charge of surveillance. I want you to set up some of our own, but I also want you to tap into the systems that are already there so we’ll be able to tell if Red X tries to hack into them himself to do recon. The rest of us will be going to the event in disguise, we want feet on the ground if he does turn up. Starfire and I will be circulating through the event, I think he might be infiltrating the crowd and then slipping away and into his uniform before holding everyone up. Raven I want you to cover the main entrance, Beast Boy I want you to cover the balcony doorway near the bar just in case he tries to come through that way. Are we all clear on our assignments?” Star raised her hand. Nightwing smiled before he nodded at her.

“Boyfriend Dick will we be dressing up for this mission?” Star was bouncing slightly and she had an exited gleam in her green eyes. The girl loved to dress up.

“Yes Star, we’ll have to go all out in formal gear to blend in. We’ll also be wearing our holo-rings so that X doesn’t spot us too easily in the crowd...” Starfire stared to squeal as she grabbed Raven’s arm, their earlier conversation all but forgotten.

“Friend Raven, we must journey to the mall of shopping and purchase suitable finery for the mission!” Raven groaned aloud and sent Dick a glare as he just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. He knew better than to get between his girlfriend and a shopping trip.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be going for a picnic in the park this afternoon? I can probably find something in my closet.” Dick had gone pale and Star was shaking her head.

“You heard boyfriend Dick, we must properly attire ourselves if we are to blend. Dick and I will have the picnic another time, how often do we get to dress to the eights and go enjoy ourselves?” Raven tried to think quickly on how to get out of shopping but stopped when she realised that this was just the thing to get Star’s mind off Gar’s accusations.

“It’s to the nines, Star. Fine, we’ll go to the mall. I swear if you try to put me in something pink and frilly I am never shopping with you again.” Raven covered her ears as the Tamaranean woman squealed and then all but dragged her to her bedroom hallway so they could get dressed in their street clothes before they set out. Raven turned and gave Dick the evil eye before she was fully yanked out of the room.

 

Raven and Star had been shopping for over two hours and it was starting to wear on Raven’s nerves. Since they were going to be wearing holo-ring disguises, Star decided they should wear them to try on their clothes. Star now had strawberry blonde hair to her shoulders, a light tan, regular green eyes and freckles splashed across her nose. Raven had midnight black hair to her waist, pale creamy skin and the same lilac eyes. The trick with the holo-ring disguises were for the disguises to be different enough to hide you in a crowd, but similar enough to your own appearance that you didn’t shriek when you saw yourself in a mirror and blast it with energy bolts. Again.

None of the shops they went into had clothes that matched Raven’s style and Star refused to let Raven wear a standard LBD. It was close to hour number three when they finally found a dress that they could both agree on. It was a floor length deep purple dress with threads of silver that made it shimmer when Raven moved. The dress was tight enough to show off Raven’s curves, but had a slit to just above her knees on both sides that made it easy to move in. The dress was kept up with a strap that wrapped around the back of her neck and joined with the V at the front, leaving most of her back exposed. Raven looked at her reflection and barely recognised herself.  Her eyes connected in the mirror with that of her friend who was trying hard to repress her grin.

“Oh Friend Raven, BB will be tripping over himself when he see you in that dress.” Raven was about to protest when she looked in the mirror again. As much as she was trying to deny it to herself, she was looking forward to Gar’s reaction to her outfit.

Raven smiled as she turned to inspect Star’s dress of choice.  Star had forgone her usual colour choice of pink and instead chose a green dress that would be sure to be appreciated by her boyfriend, though it would definitely make her stand-out. It was a strapless fitted sheath that ended just above her knees. An almost sheer piece of green fabric covered her from the bottom of the dress to the ground and parted whenever she took a step. An intricate spiral pattern made of black and clear diamonds covered the left half of her dress, and drew the eye to her curves. All in all, Raven doubted Dick would leave his girlfriend’s side all evening in fear that the lecherous vultures would descend.

“Now we have found the dresses, we must find the shoes and the accessories and the underthings and the….” Star continued to list all the things they would need for the next night as they ducked into the salon to get their nails done. Raven tried to keep up with Star, but she honestly didn’t know how much more shopping she could take. Even if the question of a certain green changeling’s reaction to her transformation wouldn’t be pushed to the back of her mind.

*****

**BB spend the next morning in his usual way. He got up, grabbed breakfast and spent a few hours training. Then he did what he always did on Terra’s anniversary. He went down to the cave where he had lost her so many years ago. He brought her favourite flowers and talked to the pedestal where she had once stood petrified. The only explanation in BB’s mind on Terra’s miraculous recovery was that after Raven reversed the end of the world and all of the people who had been frozen as statues had been released, so had Terra. That was his best bet anyway. It would explain why before the end of the world she had been there and then when he went to see her the next year, she had gone. He still went to where his Terra had last been. Where she had sacrificed herself to save them all. Even if she had been working for Slade in the beginning, she had chosen to side with her friends in the end. That had wiped the slate clean in BB’s mind, even if very few people agreed with him.  Raven, surprisingly, was one of those that agreed with him. She knew what it was like to have her destiny be manipulated by a father figure who wanted to use her to do horrible things, and then work to change her circumstances at the first available opportunity.**

**BB kissed his fingers and touched them to the plaque he and his friends had attached as a memorial so long ago.**

**_Terra_ **

**_A Teen Titan_ **

**_A True Friend_ **

**Hours later, as BB returned to Titan Tower, he wondered again at what Terra was doing with the second chance she had been given. As much as he missed her, he was happy that she got a second chance of a happy life, even if it didn’t include him. BB sighed and drove his hands through his green hair.**

**“Come on BB, get a move on! Dick wants us to get there hours early so we have plenty of time to get ready.” Cy might not be going to the fancy shindig but he still had a large amount of tech stuff he had to set up before the others even came into play.**

**Usually on Terra’s anniversary, Dick gave BB the day off to mourn Terra. This year was apparently the exception. BB wasn’t sure if it was because he was still pissed at him or not, but either way his yearly day off was cancelled. _At least I’ll be able to meet a new set of beautiful blondes._ BB wouldn’t take any of them to his room tonight, he still respected Terra too much to bed anyone on her special day, but he could still get some numbers. **

**BB quickly made his way to his room to pack and make sure that his tux had made it back from the cleaners ok. It wasn’t often that they needed to go undercover in a formal setting, but Dick had bought Cy and BB tux’s instead of rentals; winking when he said they might need them some day in the near future. Whatever that meant. With his bag packed and his holo-ring firmly in place, BB joined Cy in the T-car as they left for the hotel.**

**Dick had thought it would be less suspicious if they all arrived separately instead of in a group in case X was watching. Dick and Star would turn up an hour before the event. Cy and BB would get there earlier to set everything up. Raven would get their shortly after the boys since she was going undercover as one of the volunteers at the door. Cy dropped BB out front of the hotel and drove around to the rear of the hotel so he could take the service entrance up to their floor largely unobserved.**

**BB let a low whistle out through his teeth as he walked into the large lobby of the upper-crust hotel. He tried not to stare as he walked across the white marble floor and under the large crystal chandelier hanging near the entrance. Marble columns lined two sides of the room, creating small alcoves where guests could sit on cream and gold antique sofas as the read their papers and drank their expressos. The walls were a rich blue colour to offset the rest of the pale colours in the room. Straight across from the door was a large archway with a reception desk between the two columns. All in all an intimidating package to a young man who had spent his early life in the wilds of Africa.**

**BB made his way across the lobby, trying not to cringe at the loud echo his footsteps made on the marble. The young woman behind the desk looked up and smiled at him, making him relax just a fraction. “Welcome to the Olympus, how may I help you today?” Her voice very chipper and welcoming despite the overwhelming feeling of opulence.**

**“I have a room booked for the night. It’s under Logan.” After being Beast Boy for so long, it felt strange using a name he almost never used except in school. Only his teammates knew his ‘secret identity’. They were the only people he trusted with it, though they didn’t really know the person that went along with it. Then again, he wasn’t sure he knew him anymore.**

**“Of course Mr. Logan. I was instructed to give you this when you arrived.” She handed him a large envelope and a room key and turned to the couple standing behind him. Being summarily dismissed, he headed to the elevator and up to his room to change for the night. When safely ensconced in his room, he opened the envelope. Inside was the blueprint of the floor where the event was being hosted, a list of people who looked suspicious to their fearless leader, an invitation to the event, and of course a note from Dick reminding of his part of the mission for the night. _You’d think getting laid on a regular basis would make his less tense._ BB flopped onto his bed. He planned on spending his night working the room, getting a few hotties phone numbers and putting Red X away. Again. Tonight the fun would begin. **

**But first, a nap.**

*****

Of all the times for Raven to run out of body wash it had to be on a night where she had to look like she was worth a million bucks. She rummaged through the supply closet where they kept spares of things they bought in bulk. _This is not a good start._ Gar and Cy had just left and Raven was packing to make sure she didn’t have to teleport back to get anything. She would have just gone to the market to get her favourite lavender scented body wash, but they’d be closed by now.

_YES!_ Raven let out a sigh of relief when she finally found what she was looking for. It might not be her particular scent, but it would have to do. Raven quickly stuck her head into Star’s room to ask if she could borrow her friend’s body wash. A word didn’t leave her mouth before she moved quickly away from the room and sped away blushing, hoping neither of her friends had spotted her when she had almost interrupted their ‘alone time’. They really needed to lock their door when they were doing that.

Quickly packing the body wash along with all her other toiletries, Raven zipped up her suitcase and teleported a block away from the hotel and walked through the lobby and up to her room.

A few hours and a luxurious bath in the Jacuzzi later, Star knocked on Raven’s door so they could ‘do the sprucing together’. Raven was thankful for her friends help as Star artfully applied make-up to Raven’s face to draw attention to her unusual eyes and put her hair into a triple twisted bun, leaving small pieces of hair loose to frame her heart shaped face. W

hile Raven went to put on her gown and silver heels she carefully put on a silver anklet with small blue rhinestones spread out along the length with a small silver ‘R’ in the middle. It had a gift on her last birthday that had been left outside her room. Even with her powers, she hadn’t been able to tell who had given her something so beautiful and no-one had admitted to giving it to her. She only wore it on special occasions, not wanting to lose something so lovely. Raven stood before the full length mirror and looked over the person she might have been if she was born completely human.

She sighed, and as Star came up behind her, she put the ‘what ifs’ out of her mind and finished getting ready for the party. It had been decided that BB would go down first, followed by Raven, with Dick and Star turning up last. Raven grabbed her purse and sheer lace wrap and walked down the wood panel hallway and rode the elevator down to join the organisers at the door of the party.

When the charity had been informed of the possible robbery, they had agreed to put the Titans on the guest list under ‘aliases’. As soon as any of them were checked off the guest list, Cy would delete them off the list entirely so it would be like they were never there.  Raven had volunteered to help the organisers work the door so she could see everyone coming in and out this entrance. Stowing her purse and wrap with the coat-check, Raven took the clip-board being handed to her and tried to ignore the emotions coming off the people around her.

_This is why I hate parties._ Being in a room full of people, being exposed to that many emotions at once was difficult for the empath. It had almost made her ask Nightwing to switch her and Cy’s roles. But she knew her powers gave her a leg up in identifying Red X, and Cy was a lot better with the tech stuff than she was. An hour later Star and Nightwing walked out the elevator. She tried not to smirk as he put a possessive hand on the alien girls’ lower back, sending glares at men who were eyeing her openly. Even in disguise Star was a knock-out. After handing over Star’s wrap to the coat-check girl, they made a beeline for Raven. “Any sign of him yet?” Nightwing whispered as Raven made a show of looking for their names on the list. “Not a one, I hope you two have better luck.” he nodded at her and Star did a little finger wave as they moved past her and into the decorated ballroom.

As she watched her friends move towards the dance floor she heard a cough behind her and Raven turned to find…Mason? She had completely forgotten that Mason was a huge fan of the arts and had often tried to get her to go to these kinds of events. He just couldn’t understand her aversions to crowds. _Please don’t blow my cover. Please don’t blow my cover. Please don’t…_ “Mason Fitzgerald and guest” Raven tried not to give herself away as Mason gave her the once over and his curvy blonde date preened as Raven perused the list to match the invitation. “Good evening Mr. Fitzgerald, just through to the ballroom, tonight’s program will start shortly.” Raven faked a high pitch tone and pasted a fake smile on her face as Mason walked past her with his hand firmly placed on his dates’ ass. _Nothing going on between him and his T.A? Yeah right._ She tried to repress the eye roll trying to be set free.

It took almost another hour before Raven was able to make her way inside and start circulating through the guests. Being in a room full of people was one of her worst nightmares. So many emotions hitting her at once from every direction. Through the years she had gained a hard-won control over her powers. Most of the time. The crowd surrounding her was pushing her control to her limits however. Raven moved to one side of the room and took a deep breath. It sometimes helped in these situations to focus on one point, one person to try and block out the rest as background noise, especially if she was already somewhat attuned to them already. Nightwing and Star were almost immediately out, as they were together and when they were together their emotions were anything but pure and she wanted to strengthen her control, not jump head-first into an emotional vortex of love and lust. Cy was too far away which only left one person.

Raven sighed, not really wanting to feel what BB was feeling, today of all days, but the headache pounding behind her eyes was only going to get worse otherwise. She moved around the crowd, hand on the wall to steady herself. A waiter offered her a glass of champagne and she scanned the room for her friend as she took her first sip. She coughed mid sip as she finally felt his familiar ‘essence’ and looked at someone she never would have guessed was Beast Boy. Gone was the green-bean, and in his place was a man almost as handsome as the original. He had red hair that was casually tussled like usual and lightly tanned skin that was so different from his usual green it was off-putting. If it wasn’t for the same emerald eyes that drew her in as their gazes clashed she wouldn’t believe it was really him. Even in the middle of a large group of blue-eyed blondes. He leaned closer to the four women surrounding him and said something that was apparently hilarious as all of them erupted into a fit of giggles, making almost everyone in their general vicinity stop and stare.

_So much for blending in._


	4. Night of & the Morning After- NSFW

 

 

 

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

**Warning Smut Ahead!**

The night hadn't exactly gone as planned. None of them had spotted even a slight sign of Red X, Nightwing had almost punched more than a few guys who tried to hit on Star when he was standing right next to her and BB had almost gotten thrown out when he had made a move on the wife of a very big football star. Raven and Cy were the only ones left somewhat unscathed and Raven had been more than slightly snockered for the last hour. "Hey Rae, do you mind watching out for BB? Kori and I are heading up to bed." Raven waved to her friends and marvelled that such a well thought-out plan had crumbled so easily. Even though she had been using him as her emotional crutch all night, Raven hadn't really been able to get any strong emotions from the changeling for a while.

As she tried to find him in the crowd, she felt someone come up behind her. "Lookin' for someone spethial tonite suga?" She held in a groan as she turned and faced her ex. Even now, she had no idea what had kept her with him for so long. He was fun to argue with, but beyond that he was pompous and conceited and she dreaded any dates where they weren't in public. Even her 'relationship' with Aqualad had been better and they had been nothing more than friends with benefits. Maybe that was where she went wrong. Maybe people like her weren't supposed to have traditional relationships. Maybe she should just stick with guys she felt a physical attraction for and leave the messy feelings out of it. Emotions were her Achilles heel and she knew it. Whenever emotions got involved she always ended up getting hurt. You'd think she's learn.

Raven was brought out of her train of thought as she felt someone putting a hand on her hip. "Come on honey, don't make a guy beg." She almost gagged at the amount of alcohol on Mason's breath. Before she could say anything she was being pulled into a large warm chest and her heart skipped a beat. _Oh crap._

"Sorry it took so long babe, there was a huge line at the bar." Gar handed her a glass of her favourite drink, an appletini, and put a possessive arm around her waist. Raven tried not to drop her drink as Mason slunk away to the comforting bosom of his T.A. Raven made sure Mason had lost interest before she slipped out of the changelings grip. Without her to support him, he staggered slightly. _Just what we need, a drunk animal-man in a crowded ballroom._ Raven tried not to blush as she realised he was leaning against her again and had his face buried in her neck. "Mmmm, you smell like summer." _If I had known all it took to get his attention was to switch body wash…_ Raven tried to push Lusts comment out of her mind, but Gar wasn't making it easy on her.

"Do I look like a safe place to lean Gar?" his head came up a little before slumping onto her shoulder again.

"Tired" Raven rolled her eyes as he mumbled into her shoulder. She tried to push him off her, but realised she wasn't exactly sober either.

Before either of them could make an ass of themselves (him possibly literally) Raven did a final visual sweep of the room then helped to support Gar as they made their way out of the ballroom and into the elevator to make it up to their rooms. The elevator dinged on their floor and Raven helped the slumped changeling to start moving his feet.

Raven was having trouble keeping both herself and Gar upright as she helped the extremely drunk changeling to his door. Not completely sober herself, she tried to ignore the heat coming off him and the way he kept sniffing her neck _._ Finally, having made it to the right room-number she took the key card out of his pocket as he giggled and opened the door to his room.

They moved slowly over the threshold and she shut the door with her foot. Standing on one leg while trying to not only support herself, but also the drunk weight of her much larger companion unbalanced them and she fell backwards and toppled into the closed door. Leaning against the wood for balance they both started giggling. Until Gar pulled back and stared at her. His gaze trapped her, daring her to move as he slowly leaned forward and kissed her. Raven's heart skipped a beat and she stiffened. That didn't deter him as he just tilted his head and kissed her harder. Raven fought against herself but finally gave in and kissed him back. The arm that had been around her shoulder when she had practically dragged him from the elevator moved around to her back and pulled her flush against him. Raven moaned at the contact and he used the opening to deepen the kiss. Gar's hand moved to the back of her head to tilt it backwards, his other hand going to the slit in her dress and pulled her left leg around his waist.

Gar moved away from her mouth reluctantly and finally let Raven breath as he led a trail of kisses down her neck to her collarbone. She gasped as he nibbled her neck the same moment he started to rub on the heat between her legs. He paused and before she had time to protest, he had moved away from her. Her disappointment didn't last long though as he knelt before her, removed her underwear and buried his face between her legs as she leaned against the closed door.

"You're sooo soft" Gar muttered against her skin as he pulled back from her for a moment, before returning to his mission. Raven's head dropped back against the door and she held herself upright against the door with one hand while dropping the other to the back of his head, threading her fingers through his hair. The vibrations of his chuckle made her eyes roll back in her head and she tried to smother her moans. It had been a very long time for her and it wasn't long before she thumped her head on the door supporting her as she tried not to wake the entire floor. Raven was trying to get a full breath into her lungs when he wiped his mouth on his shirt, stood up and kissed her.

And it was back to the battle for control. Gar quickly undid his belt and Raven watched through half lids as he dropped his pants and boxers in one move, picked Raven up, stepped between her legs and thrust into her. She gasped, he groaned. Raven tilted her head and used Gar's shoulder to smother her cries as he pinned her to the door and drove into her over and over again. She wrapped her legs around his trim hips and moved against him, trying to match his rhythm. But he was going so hard, so fast that it wasn't long before Raven felt her climax rush through her again. She called out his name and bit his shoulder which seemed to set him off as he growled and came in her with a few final jerking thrusts. He dropped his head between her shoulder and her neck, breathing heavily as he tried to catch his breath.

As her heart began to slow, reality began to sink in. _What have I done?_ Gar lifted his head and before she could react he was kissing her again. It was then that Raven realised that he was still primed to go inside her. He continued to kiss her as she felt him pull her away from the poor, abused door and carried her across the room to the king size bed. He placed her in the middle of the sheets then slowly withdrew from her. She couldn't see him, but she heard the rustle of clothes as he got undressed. Suddenly he was on her again, kissing her skin as he helped her off with her dress and bra, her underwear discarded near the door leaving her wearing nothing but her anklet. Her eyes were beginning to grow accustomed to the darkness and she watched as he reached for the end table, cursing while trying to find what he wanted and kiss her at the same time. He finally pulled his hand back and she realised what he was looking for. Her heart jumped. A condom. As her emotions tried to make themselves heard over her hammering heart, Gar put on the condom. Raven pushed her fears of the lack of protection during their first time out of her mind and gave in to the wonderful things he was doing to her body.

Raven's eyes slowly opened and was surprised at the unfamiliar surroundings. She shifted slightly and bit back a yelp at the soreness of her body. The night before came into full technicoloured focus in her head and she had to bite back a yelp for a whole different reason. She looked next to her and sure enough, there was Garfield. Her room-mate, her colleague, her best friend. _Her lover._ Raven thumped her head back onto her pillow and internally cursed herself in every language she knew. Was she out of her damn mind?! She had made a promise to herself that no matter how his puppy dog eyes, crooked grin and fit body made her insides melt, she would never be one of the faceless masses traipsing through his bed. Then last night had happened. Last night she had broken that promise. Several times over. _I have to get out of here._

Raven moved slowly as she tried to get out of the bed. An arm suddenly wrapped around her waist and pulled her back against Gar's warm body. Raven bit back a moan and tried to resist leaning into his welcoming heat as he kissed the back of her neck. What he whispered in her ear made her heart sink and made her want to throttle him and find a hole to die in, in equal measure.

"I love you, don't leave me Terra."

Raven swallowed down the nausea and was grateful when she felt his soft snores rustle her hair. She moved his arm slowly off her and moved as quickly as she dared into the bathroom. She flipped the light on after closing the door and dashed to the toilet where she emptied her stomach of the meagre appetisers she had eaten at the party while watching the crowd. Tears fell down her cheeks as she tried to restrain her sobs. She had given in to her feelings only to be back-handed by the fact that while she was making love to the man she had been in love with for years, he had been imagining his ex-lover. _I have to get out of here_ she repeated to herself. She flushed the toilet and went to the sink to wash out her mouth. Raven glanced in the mirror, her reflection sending a new wave of shame through her.

Her hair which had been so artfully put up by Star for the party, now resembled a rat's nest. Her mouth was swollen and her lipstick kissed off. The rest of her make-up was smeared and made her look like a racoon hooker. Raven turned the tap on again and quickly scrubbed her face clean. Raven wanted to teleport back to the tower, but her clothes were strewn all over the floor of Garfield's hotel room and she didn't know how she'd explain her absence to the rest of the team.

Raven decided she needed a plan. Something to help her get out of this situation with what remained of her dignity intact. _First things first._ Raven turned off the bathroom light and opened the bathroom door a crack. She could use her powers to find her clothes, but with her emotions the way they were she'd probably just end up moving Gar towards her instead and she didn't want to run the risk of him waking up, seeing her powers and figuring out exactly who he'd been having sex with most of the night.

Raven let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room and then quietly collected her clothes and purse. She did a final scan to make sure she hadn't left anything behind that could identify her. Her eyes landed on Gar one final time. She smirked despite herself as she noticed the bite mark on his shoulder and scratch marks down his back. With no consent from her mind, Raven slowly walked over to her friend and carefully reached for him, pushing a lock of his red hair out of his eyes, wishing he was himself instead of this pale imitation.

With a final glance, Raven tip-toed towards the bathroom, closed the door and teleported herself back to her motel room to pack before heading back to the tower.

*****

**BB woke up with a splitting headache. Thankfully he had closed the curtains before he had gone out for the night, knowing that he was going to get completely smashed before he came back to his room. He smiled to himself at the slight ache in his body. He looked to the bed next to him and frowned when he realised his bed-mate was gone. BB turned over and buried his face into the pillow next to him and froze.** **_Peaches._ ** **Images from the night before flashed through his mind, doing nothing to keep his head from pounding. Skin as soft as silk, long legs gripping his hips, screams of ecstasy smothered in the pillows as he kissed the back of her neck and shoulders as he gripped her hips. Image after image swept through his mind, all accompanied by the sweet scent of peaches. Her scent.**

**_Terra._ **

**He shook his head then gripped it when pain lanced through it. It couldn't be her, she had no idea who she was. She was studying sculpting in Paris over the summer. BB had kept careful track of her during the years, never fully able to let her go. Another scent had accompanied hers, one that was so familiar but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He dismissed the possibility of the mystery woman, deciding his longing and imagination had gotten away from him and given him what he wanted most.** **_Must have been a dream._ ** **He remembered what yesterday had been and decided it had to have been a dream. Yesterday had been the anniversary of Terra's 'death' and no matter how drunk he had gotten, he would never sully her day with a random hook-up. BB stretched and looked at the chaos of the room around him.**

**The hope that it was in fact just a really hot dream was dashed as he counted the empty condom packets near the bed. BB tried to remember anything helpful to identify the woman, but his mind was a blank.** **_I'll never mix Whisky and Champagne again._ ** **He finally threw back the covers and made his way carefully to the bathroom for some aspirin and water.**

**When he entered the bathroom he reflexively turned on the light, almost screaming as it almost blinded him and sent sharp pains through his eyeballs. The white tiles magnifying the light didn't help. The smell of peaches nearly overwhelming him. A knock on his door caused him to stumble to the sink and swallow a few of the blessed aspirin tablets before stumbling to the door and yanking it open.**

**A mistake.**

**Star and Dick were on the other side. Star's eyes grew huge before Dick quickly placed his hand over them and glared daggers at BB. It was then that he realised that in his haste to end his mind breaking hang-over he had forgotten one important thing before he opened the door.**

**He was completely naked.**

**Swearing, he quickly closed the door on the Tamaranean's giggles and searched the dark room for anything to cover himself. When he finally located his pants in the near-darkness, he opened the door again to find Dick still glaring and Star trying to hold in her laughter while staring at his shoulder. "Check-out's in 20 minutes, get moving" Dick told him in an artic voice as he dragged Star behind him towards the elevator.**

**BB was about to ask them if they had noticed who he had taken to his room that night when Cy came out of his room across the hall from him. "Hey grass-stain, you look like crap." BB groaned as he leant his head against the doorframe and kept one eye open to glare at his friend. "No shit Cy, I feel like Ding Dong Daddy ran me over a few times with his hot-rod." Cy smirked as he quietly closed the door behind him. "Hey Cy, you didn't happen to see the chick I escorted to my room last night did you?" Cy raised his eyebrow and slowly shook his head. "Sorry little dude, last I saw on the monitors you were surrounded by hot blondes. I heard you get back to your room at like 2am, and then some noises I would love to delete from my memory banks, but I didn't see who it was. I can probably give you a general description though. Blonde, blue eyes and hot." BB gave him his full attention and scowled at him "What makes you think she was a hot blue eyed blonde?" Cy gave him a disbelieving look. "Because that's the only type you 'date'."**

**BB was taken aback. He hadn't realised that the others had noticed that he only took a certain type of woman to his bed.** **_Guess I'm not as stealthy as I thought._ **

**"Either way BB, pack up we're heading out. And you may want to put something on that bite-mark." BB blushed as he quickly put his hand to the bite mark in question he hadn't noticed on his shoulder until now and winced. He cut his gaze to Raven's room. "Why isn't anyone hurrying Raven up, or is she already down there?"**

**"Nah, she went back to the tower last night. She sent me a message this morning so I wouldn't worry. She said something about needing to get an assignment in by tonight and wanting to get an early start on polishing it up." BB nodded his head before grabbing it so the hallway would stop spinning. Cy have a low laugh. "Hurry it up BB, you don't want Dick to 'accidentally' leave you behind, do you?" With that final remark, Cy hefted his duffle over his shoulder and whistled while he made his way towards the elevator leaving BB to attempt the monumental task of trying to pack in a hurry while extremely hung-over.**

*****

Raven cuddled deeper into her bed as she relived last night in all its nightmarish erotic glory. Garfield's gallant rescue of her from Mason's unwanted attention. Dragging him upstairs to his room so he could sleep it off. Having hot dream-worthy sex throughout the night instead. Waking up to him calling her someone else's name. Quickly escaping to her hotel room and then to her own room in the Titans Tower before buying new body wash and going home to kneel in the shower and scrubbed her skin raw to get his scent off her, while sobbing uncontrollably. Not one of the finest nights of her life, but she was pretty sure the day the world ended topped it.

Just.

It wasn't until she had gotten home that Raven had had the epiphany of why Gar had thought she was the blonde earth mover. The peach body wash that she had assumed was Star's must have been Terra's from when she had lived at the Tower too. When they had cleaned out her room they had gone through her belongings and thrown out any items that Gar didn't want to remember her by. The body wash must have been moved to the supply closet and no-one had thought anything of it.

_Until I ran out yesterday and used it to shower before the party._ Which had messed with Gar's senses and sent him into 'mate mode'. Raven cringed as she remembered all the times he had been sniffing her as they had been making love. _NO! Screwing, they had just been screwing. It meant nothing._ Raven repeated this as a mantra to herself over and over again. She didn't think her skin could take another round with her luffa. _Totally worth a few layers of skin._ Raven mentally put Lust in a cage and threw away the key.

As soon as she had realised it was the body wash that had reminded Gar of Terra she had overreacted slightly and sent it through to another dimension. _Where ever I sent it, at least they will smell nice._ First thing this morning Raven had bought her old brand of body wash from the pharmacy and had taken it and her luffa and hadn't come out of the shower until her skin was almost bright red. She had also bought the morning after pill. Thankfully Cy had made them all holo-rings for when they wanted to go out unnoticed, like last night. She didn't want to know what would happen if the media ran with a story about her buying the emergency contraceptive. Her team would question it and Gar was sure to realise it was her, not Terra, in his bed the night before and their friendship would never be the same. _It still might not be_.

"God damn it emotions, kindly keep your opinions to yourselves until I ask for them!" Raven realised belatedly that she had screamed out loud and was very happy that the others wouldn't be home for a few hours.

And people thought she was emotionless. As much as she wanted to repress her emotions, she knew that sooner or later she was going to have to sort things out in Nevermore. As much as she hated having to go into the realm where her emotions ruled all, she couldn't face the rest of the team with her emotions running amok.

_But first._ Raven put her holo-ring on her desk, picked up one of her heavy book-ends and smashed the ring over and over again. She was panting slightly as she surveyed her handy work. Cy might be pissed at her for 'accidentally' breaking it but it was better than Gar getting memory flashes of the things they had done together next time they were undercover. If only she could get rid of her memories as easily as she had destroyed the ring.

There was a knock at her door, and Raven opened it to her 'oldest brother' Cy. He looked at the floor and shifted from foot to foot. Finally he looked up and met her gaze, clearly uncomfortable.

"Raven we need to talk about last night."

 


	5. Auld Lang Syne

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

"What about last night? We went to a fancy party to catch a thief who didn't show up. There was dancing, alcohol, and a semi-grabby ex but besides that nothing of note happened did it?" Dick's random lectures in resisting interrogation finally had some real world application. If only he would stop ambushing them at random times to give them, he would be hit with dark energy a lot less.

"Look Raven, you're like a sister to me and I know the break-up with Mason was tough, but working off some steam with BB isn't the best way to deal with it." It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her head. Raven looked out into the hallway before grabbing Cy and wrenching him into her room and locking the door behind him.

"Whatever you think you know, you've got it wrong." Cy stood near the door as Raven paced between her desk and bed as she had done so many times before. Day before yesterday it was Dick, now Cy was putting his two cents in. Next thing you know Star would voice her opinion, or worst of all BB. She wasn't sure how he'd react to finding out they had had sex but she doubted it would end well. Why did her family insist on commenting on the disaster that was her love life?

"I know that this morning BB asked me about a mystery partner he couldn't remember. And when I checked the recording from the hallways outside our rooms, the only woman who went into his room was you and the cameras didn't record you leaving." Raven's heart sank. Why did Cy have to be so damn good at his job?

Raven stopped pacing and turned towards her friend. "I'm going to be honest with you, but what I say has to stay between us. I need you to be my friend right now not my over-protective big brother, OK?" Cy nodded and moved over to her desk chair and sat down, bracing himself for the story. Raven moved towards the door to make sure it was locked, and then sat on the end of her bed facing Cy.

"Honestly, Mason and I breaking up was more of a relief than anything. He had such an attitude when it came to you guys that our break-up was inevitable, so get that out of your head right now. Last night I drank too much trying to block out the emotions of a room full of strangers and Gar was drinking away his grief. I helped him up to his room, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex." Raven paused, making sure Cy was still with her and not having a coronary. He nodded for her to continue. She sighed and braced herself against the emotions that were pushing against her barriers as she relayed the next part. "Earlier, before we left the Tower I realised I was out of body wash so I took some from the supply cupboard. Not my usual one, but one that was in the back. I used it before we went to the party." Cy looked confused, and Raven rushed on before she lost him. "While Gar and I were… you know, he kept sniffing me. After I woke up, realised what had happened and tried to leave. He pulled me back and told me that he loved me." Raven took a breath and tried to ignore how Cy was looking at her, apparently still confused about why she would leave the bed of a man who had apparently given her his heart.

She tried not to let her voice break as she continued. "He told me 'I love you, don't leave me _Terra_ '. Needless to say, I waited for him to fall back to sleep before quickly and quietly getting the hell out of there before he woke up and realised he took the wrong woman to bed." Raven couldn't look at Cy; she knew what she would see. The entire team knew that Terra had been BB's first. First girlfriend, first kiss, first love, first _everything._ Unfortunately their relationship had been pre-sound-proofing.

Raven, who usually found peace in silence, couldn't stand it any longer. "So you can understand why I might not want to remember last night. And if Gar doesn't remember which little chick he screwed this time all the better…" Raven didn't finish the sentence as she was suddenly engulphed in a warm hug. She thought she had cried herself out in the shower, but apparently she had a few tears left in the tanks and she started sobbing uncontrollable as her tin-man big brother held her and rocked her until the sobs subsided. Raven wiped her eyes and pulled out the embrace. Before today she had only really cried once, and this most certainly was not as bad as the end of the world.

"Raven, you know he's going to figure it out eventually. He might not be a member of Mensa, but he's smarter than he acts." Raven moved to the desk and showed him the remnants of her holo-ring. He only sighed.

"The girl he went to bed with no longer exists. If you agree to help me make a new ring with a new look we can just say I got bored of the old one. I'm a woman, apparently we're fickle." Cy tried and failed to hold in his laughter and Raven smiled. The situation may very well be her worst nightmare, but she had lived through worse and she would live through this. What was an ill-conceived one-night stand with her best friend in the grand scheme of her life anyway?

Cy stared at her for a minute before he finally nodded his head, as if coming to a decision. "OK, Raven. I'll keep this from him too. But I still think you should tell him. He can't be stuck on Terra forever and you two are perfect for each other."

Raven tried to keep her cool, but failed as she bent almost in two laughing, much to Cy's confusion. "I hate to break this to you Cy, but Gar's questionable taste in bed-partners aside, he's a pretty great guy. I on the other hand am a half-human half-demon who was born as a portal for my father to use to destroy this world. I am what I have always been. I am a monster and no amount of 'heroic' deeds will change that. I am darkness, he is light. All that could come from a romantic relationship between us is mutually assured destruction." Raven turned away from her friend, realising that she had revealed more than she had wanted to about her issues with self-worth, or lack thereof.

A metal hand closed over her shoulder. "I know you're not going to believe me, but the only person here who thinks you're a monster is you. The rest of us see a friend who has always had our backs, no matter what else is going on in her life. You are not now, nor have even been, a monster Raven." Raven stifled the urge to laugh at his absurd statement. She had tried to deny her demonic nature in the past and it had always come back to bite her, or the people she cared about. But now was not the time to debate her morality. Now was the time to make sure that her adoptive 'brother' didn't tell his best friend that he had accidentally had sex with the wrong woman.

_How do I get into these messes?_

 

It had been almost a week since the hotel mission that led nowhere, and everything in the tower was back to normal. Well, as normal as it gets for a team of superheroes living together. Cy was still sneaking out to meet his 'mystery woman'. Raven knew who it had to be but didn't press the issue, knowing that he would reveal his new girlfriend when he was ready. Dick and Star had made plans to go to Gotham next week to go visit Dick's family. They made the pilgrimage a few times a year, but he still acted like the Tower would crumble to the ground in his absence. Raven had finished her school work for the semester and was looking forward to the down-time and catching up with her friends in the other Titan teams. Star and Bumblebee had insisted on a girl's movie night where they had watched nothing but gory horror films. She also decided to catch up with Garth. Their 'relationship' may have ended last year but they had remained close after they mutually ended it. BB, on the other hand had been acting mysteriously. Since the 'incident', as Raven and Cy called it, he had been strangely sans bed mate for the last week. Cy thought it was a good sign that he had finally put Terra behind him. Raven doubted it and thought it was a dark omen. Though she did tend towards dramatic cynicism.

Raven looked in the mirror as she put on lip-gloss. Raven might not be overly girly but as weird as it seemed, she liked to look nice when meeting up with her ex. With her new holo-ring in place Raven took stock of her new physical persona. Gone was the waist length midnight black hair and lilac eyes that almost mirrored her own and instead she had mousy brown shoulder length hair and chocolate brown eyes. With a light tan and a sprinkling of freckles over her nose no-one would ever suspect she was Raven of the Teen Titans in disguise. She wore black jeans and a cream tank-top under a black leather jacket. Biker boots completed the look, and Raven was ready to meet up with Garth to catch-up. She gave herself a final once-over before grabbing her shoulder bag and heading out of her room.

And smacked right into the green changeling who had been about to knock on her door.

*****

 **BB grabbed for Raven's arms as she almost toppled to the floor. After he had righted her, she instantly pulled out of his grip.** **_She's touchy lately._ ** **It was something he had been noticing the last month or so. Whenever she was in close quarters with him; in the car, on the couch, during training, she always seemed to pull a little away from him. The last week it had seemed to get worse. He wasn't sure if she was just a little jittery after her break-up with Professor Douchebag, but it sent a twinge through his chest every time she pulled away from him.**

**He internally shook his head and finally noticed what she was wearing. His mouth went dry and he tried his best to shield his emotions from her. Living with an empath had led to him having to learn a few coping mechanisms so she didn't see beyond the class clown façade he had worked so hard to perfect. Her jeans hugged her in all the right places and her top accentuated her god given assets. BB tried his best to put his eyes back in his head and string some words together because she was giving him the look which said she was wondering if the monkeys working his brain were on a break.**

**"Can I help you with something Gar?" the way she said his name set something off in his head, but he ignored it. "I was just going to order some pizza and wanted to know if you wanted any." She looked down at herself and looked back up at him with one of her eyebrows raised.** **_God she's beautiful._ ** **BB squished the thought, one of the many that were sounding in his head more and more frequently.**

**"I'm going out. Garth and I are going to go see a movie and go out for coffee. I'll probably be back late." The Beast in BB reared up and growled in his head. Beast Boy might not have a problem with Aqualad, but BB had a problem with Garth. For some reason, since last year everything Garth did irritated the changeling. The clothes he wore, the time he spent with Raven in her room, the fact they had similar names, all drove BB nuts. He had breathed a sigh of relief when he and Raven had broken up. Somehow her next boyfriend had been even worse. Raven really didn't have any luck with men.**

**"Oh, I didn't know you two were back together." Where the hell had that come from? The last thing he needed was Raven gushing about reconnecting with Garth. Unless she was just using him as a rebound. For some reason the thought of Raven and Garth hooking-up again made BB's skin crawl and made him want to throw her over his shoulder and lock her in his room until she never wanted to leave his bed again.** **_What the hell?!_ ** **No, no, no, no, NO! He and Raven were friends. They were practically family and you did not fantasise about taking family to bed to have your way with them until neither of you could walk.** **_STOP_ ** **. BB made his mind go blank and he belatedly realised that Raven had moved past him and was near the elevator, apparently ignoring the question.**

**He rushed to catch up with her and realised something was different. "You look weird." Raven paused and turned to him, eyebrow still raised. "Flatterer. It's amazing that more women don't fall into your bed with charm like that." BB laughed at her banter, but was shocked when she blushed. He didn't realise Raven could blush, but he had the sudden urge to make her do it again when she wasn't wearing that stupid ring. He like his Rae better. Probably a good idea not to dwell on why. Though she looked like a different Raven than she did a few weeks ago. She pushed the elevator button and tapped her foot impatiently.**

**"You know what I mean, you have a different look. What caused the change?" Again, she blushed.** **_What the hell?_ **

**"I just got sick of it. I felt like a change. Anyway my old ring broke so it was the perfect time to dream up a new persona." Raven quickly moved through the barely opened elevator doors and held down the close doors button, leaving a very confused BB trying to figure out what had caused her sudden weird behaviour. He shrugged it off and went to see what Cy wanted on his pizza.**

**_Darkness surrounded BB, but he wasn't afraid. His eyes started to adjust when he felt something brush against him. He turned and felt a hand glide along his spine and he shivered. He noticed a doorway in front of him and moved towards it then stopped in his tracks. A woman was leaning against it. Before he could move a man was pressing her against it and kissing her for all he was worth. A man that looked like he would if he was still completely human. What he looked like with his holo-ring on. He moved towards them trying to see the woman's face, knowing it was important he know who she was. Hands roamed, gasps and moans heavy in the near silence of the room. BB moved beside them and he still couldn't see her clearly, her face shrouded in dark mist._ **

**_One moment they were against the door, the next they were on the bed. They lay entwined, naked, breathing heavily, cuddled together, the sheets on the floor. And still he couldn't make out her face. He could make out things about her. Long legs, sweet curves that made his mouth water, a breathy voice that called out his name. The overwhelming smell of peaches, but something under that. Something that he knew, a scent that made the Beast inside scream for the woman in the bed. Something glinted out of the corner of his eye and he turned and followed the seemingly endless lines of her legs down to her ankle where…_ **

 

***BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP***

 

**BB shot up in bed as his alarm clock sounded beside him. He had had the same dream for the last ten nights in a row and it was driving him nuts. Knowing her and not knowing her at the same time was seriously starting to piss him off. Whenever he tried to hold a picture of her in his head, she slipped through his fingers. There was something about her that drew him. She was different from the others. She made the Beast in him react in a way that it had never done before. She was special, he knew it.**

**BB brushed both hands through his hair and grabbed handfuls of it by the roots. This endless cat and mouse game with his own mind was starting to get real old, real fast. He needed to talk to someone he could trust about this, get someone else's point of view before he lost it. Raven was out. He tried to avoid talking with her about girls and sex at all costs, it just felt wrong. Cy would be his usual choice, but he was out on a date today and wouldn't be back until tonight. Star would probably go to the streets, stopping everyone blue eyed blonde she could find to ask if they had 'the sex' with her friend. BB didn't want to dwell on how many would say they had. Hooking-up with a superhero was a major turn on for some women and he had usually been happy to oblige. Dick would probably go all 'super detective' on him and suggest hacking into the hotels cameras to see who he was with in the hallway outside his room that night…**

**That's it! Cy had hacked into the cameras that night as a precaution, not wanting anyone to be able to leave any 'surprises' in their rooms without warning. BB sprinted to his wardrobe and hastily put on some clothes before running out of his room at full speed, nearly knocking down Raven as he passed. She leant against the wall to let him pass as he hurried to Cy's room.**

**BB knocked frantically at Cy's door, not noticing Raven still leaning against the wall behind him as he desperately knocked again. "Come on, come on answer!" BB shifted from foot to foot before listening at the door.**

**"You know he's gone out for the day. He told us all yesterday, remember?" BB turned, finally realising that Raven was watching him from her position against a spare room door. A wave of déjà vu hit him as he looked at her, then passed leaving him confused.** **_What the hell was that all about?_ ** **Raven pushed off from the door and moved towards the common room, BB following in her wake. Raven moved into the kitchen and put her kettle on before turning to face him.**

**"What has got you so worked up to see Cy all of a sudden?" BB avoided looking her in the eye, suddenly embarrassed at his fervour to find a woman who obviously didn't want to be found.**

**"I just wanted to ask him something, that's all. It can wait for tonight I guess." His body betrayed his words as he started to rub the back of his neck.**

**Raven frowned "If you're that desperate to talk to him, I think he's at the Jump U campus having lunch with his girlfriend. I warn you though, if you freak out when you meet her I will throw you through a window." BB couldn't help but chuckle. In the past, it was rare for Raven to go a week without making good on that threat. Either she had started to mellow with age, or she had gotten better at drowning out his annoying chatter.**

**The kettle boiled beside her and Raven started to make her tea. BB was about to head to the door but hesitated. Something had been bothering Raven and now was a prime opportunity to ask her about it.**

**"How are you Rae?" Her eyes shot up, and he was taken aback by the look in her eyes before she put her emotionless mask firmly in place. "I'm fine Gar, but I'm not sure how long Cy is going to be at the café, so if you want to talk to him before tonight you might want to leave now." BB squashed a sigh as Raven left the kitchen to go back to her room. He knew there was something bothering her, but she refused to talk to him about it. He wanted her to know he was there for her like she had been there for him two years ago. Checking his watch, he dashed back to his room for his ring before setting off for the university to try and catch Cy.**

 

**BB double checked the map on his phone to make sure he was on the right track. Even though he had been a Jump U student for over a year, he had no idea where he was going. Like most of the Titans his classes were online, designed to fit around his superhero schedule. Dick had made a deal with the faculty to let them be students without the large distraction of them actually being in class. For the classes they did have to go to, they had their holo-rings. So they got their higher education and the school got to advertise the fact that they were educating the Titans. It was a win-win situation.**

**BB was just about to give up and go home when he ran into someone, knocking them off their feet. He cursed under his breath as he quickly helped the woman stand. His heart got caught in his throat as recognition set in.**

**_Terra._ **

**She was brushing off her backside before she looked at him fully. Her smile still had the ability to make his breath catch. "Sorry, I was in a rush. I'm trying to get to admin to sign up for next semesters classes and I was kind of distracted." She stopped talking and was looking at him for a response. BB realised he was staring and tried to stop the blush starting to spread across his face, so much more visible with his paler skin-tone. "Ok then, nice to meet you but like I said I've got to go"**

**Realising she was leaving jolted him into action. "Terra wait!" She froze in her tracks and swung around with a shocked look on her face. Obviously she might not recognise the non-green face, but his voice still registered. "BB? What are you doing here, and why aren't you…you know, green?" He paused, giving her a once over, not really believing that she was here and not in Paris.**

**_Wait a minute._ ** **"Me? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Paris over the summer?" Terra flipped the end of her long blonde ponytail over her shoulder, sending him a whiff of peaches and he tried not to groan. The images from the hotel and the smell of peaches merging into one.** **_If Terra was here then maybe…_ ** **"I got back a few days ago. The school I was attending was destroyed by an earthquake. Wait, how did you know I was in Paris?" she turned accusing eyes on him, and apparently things started to click in place in her head. Her eyes widened and she gasped. Uncomfortable he shifted from foot to foot and rubbed the back of his neck as she pointed an accusing finger at him. "I couldn't afford to go but then an anonymous donation came in and suddenly I'm jetting off. You were so desperate to get me out of Jump City you had the Titans fund my trip abroad? A bit much, don't you think?" Her voice started to raise as she got more and more agitated and people were starting to stare. BB grabbed her arm and she didn't resist when he pulled her into a small grass area with a picnic table. Terra sat on the table as he stood in front of her, not knowing what to say. Then something she said registered. "Did you just call me BB?" She shifted in her spot and looked at him.**

**"Yeah, I did."**


	6. Wounds Old and New

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.  
  


* * *

 

 

**He was frozen.**

**All this time pining for her. Mourning her memory. Wanting her in his life but knowing the Terra he had known was gone and was never coming back. All of it was a lie.**

**He turned and walked away from her, not stopping when he heard her calling his name and chasing after him. Calling him BB. His heart felt like it had broken in the same spots where they had taken so long to heal. If they had ever healed at all. Her hand on his arm pulled him up short and he spun to face her. His sudden movement unbalanced her and she started to fall again. His arms wrapped around her and at once they were a breath apart. He was close enough to see the flecks of gold in her eyes that he had spent hours looking at when they had still been together. When he was hers and she was his. The smell of peaches filled his nose and BB dropped his arms abruptly and started to walk away again. “Please wait, BB. I can explain!”**

**He stopped and let out the breath he had been holding since he had realised the truth. For almost four years she had been free and she remembered who she was. For three of them she had been lying about knowing who she was. At least to him. He pivoted and moved back towards the small clearing and the picnic table. Sitting down and waiting for her to follow so he could hear her out and then leave. He didn’t know what had made her lie about remembering who she was, but it didn’t make up for the loss he had felt when he had lost her the third time.**

**It was Terra’s turn to fidget nervously as she stood before him. BB didn’t take his eyes off her, waiting for her miraculous fix-all explanation. Noticing things about her he wanted to ignore. Like how good she looked in her blue cut-offs and yellow singlet top. How the sun shone off her hair. How his hands twitched to grab her and hug her to him, never letting her go again. He tore his gaze from her body as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly before looking him in the eyes.**

**“Could you blink please, you’re making me nervous.” Ignoring her, he crossed his arms over his chest instead and leant back against the table. She sighed and started to speak. “As you’ve obviously guessed my claims of amnesia weren’t exactly true. All I know is one minute I’m saying goodbye to you and trying to stop the volcano from erupting, the next I’m standing on a platform with flowers on it with a plaque implying I’m dead. I find my way out of the cave and I realised I’ve been out of it for almost two years. TWO YEARS!! I was alone and scared. I couldn’t go to the Tower. I’d betrayed you to Slade and I knew you guys would never be able to trust me again. So I moved on. I had to, there weren’t really many options for me. I didn’t have any money and I had no-one I could turn to except some people I still knew from HIVE.” The look she gave him when she mentioned the school for villains stopped him from commenting and she continues.**

**“I asked an old class-mate to fix me a new identity. As much as it scared me, I realised this was my chance at a new start. I had a chance to put my past behind me and be whoever I wanted to be. Then a year later you turn up in my life again, calling me Terra and trying to push me back into the role I never wanted in the first place. I loved my time with the Titans, but I love my new life too. I had a chance to be someone others could trust, someone they could be friends with. I didn’t want to give up the clean slate I had always wanted. The one I deserved. I’m sorry I hurt you BB, but I already gave up one life for the Titans, was it so wrong of me to want to keep the new one for myself?” She looked at him and he turned his head away.**

**“So yes, when you recognised me and tried to get me to ‘remember’ I lied. I just wanted to be able to live my new life without all that superhero stuff getting in the way. I loved you BB, but your life is with the Titans and I didn’t want you to have to choose between us. So I chose for you. Since our last encounter, I have lived my life like everyone else. I finished high school, got into Jump U to study sculpting part time, while working to pay my bills. I’ve sold a few pieces to a gallery in Gotham, but I’m still paying my dues.”**

**During her explanation, he had sat there. He had listened to her excuses and felt more and more of his heart break away from the whole. She had chosen a new life over him. Had faked amnesia even though she had to have seen how much it was killing him to not be with her. He tried to put his emotions in a box to deal with later, but something inside him just snapped. “So, in other words you chose a normal life as a normal girl, pretending to be someone you’re not to fit in. You lied to me Terra! Loosing you crushed me and when I finally found you again, you pretended not to know me. You let me show you everything that was special to us and you said nothing. You let me break my own heart again and now you think an explanation after the fact will make it right?” He got up and tried to move away from her before he did something drastic.**

**“Please BB! I know you must be hurt, but just listen to me.” She stood in front of him, her hands on his chest keeping him in place. He tried to ignore how her touch, her scent, her _everything_ made his heart beat faster. By the look on her face, she wasn’t completely unaffected either. **

**She looked deep into his eyes. “I know this might be hard for you to believe right now, but I’ve never stopped loving you. I have never felt for anyone else what I felt with you when we were together. I know it might take a while before you can fully trust me again, but do you think we can see if we still have something between us?” BB’s breath caught. For almost two years he had been dreaming about a moment like this; where his Terra came back and wanted to start over with him. Now that it was here, he wasn’t sure whether or not to trust it. Terra was the first girl he’d ever went on a date with, ever kissed, ever made-love with. He had mourned her twice, some of his friends said he still mourned her. Would he really give up the chance to be with her again?**

**So many thoughts rushed through his mind that he didn’t notice Terra moving closer to him until the moment when her lips met his, and he was lost.**

*****

_What am I doing here?_ Raven had gone to the Jump U campus telling herself that she wanted to ‘accidentally’ bump into Cy and his date so he would stop hiding the fact he was dating Jinx. Kid Flash may have gotten her off the villain track, but even after they broke-up Jinx hadn’t gone back to HIVE. In fact, she had been working off and on with both Titans East and the Titans themselves whenever they needed an extra hand.

Deep down Raven knew that excuse was a lie. She was worried about Gar. He had seemed so frantic this morning when he almost banged down Cy’s door and she was worried how he would react to Jinx. Raven had a natural respect for people who faced the darkness and turned from it. It was something she had to do on a near daily basis. Even though Trigon being gone made her powers slightly more stable, she had to watch herself and her emotions to make sure they didn’t get out of control. Raven switched her bag from one shoulder to another and brushed the imaginary crease out of her knee-length black halter dress. Even if her primary motive for going to the campus wasn’t to meet Cy’s girlfriend and warn Jinx that if she hurt him she would find herself in a very dark place far from home, she still wanted to look nice. Her black wedges made a soft clicking sound as she made her way past the library and stopped near a small alcove to check her map again. _The café should be around here somewhere._

Movement near her drew her attention, and Raven tried not to roll her eyes at the overt PDA going on a few feet away. Something about the couple made her pause and as she took a closer look, her heart shattered into infinite microscopic pieces. Playing tonsil hockey mere feet from her was Garfield and a blonde. But not just any blonde. Raven knew that energy anywhere. _Terra_.

Not able to face the passionate embrace of the couple anymore, she walked numbly back the way she came. She halted abruptly as she ran into a familiar tall figure. _Not here, not now!_ **GODDAMN YOU KARMA!** Mason’s hands rested on her arms as he looked her over. “Raven, what are you doing here? I didn’t think you had any classes on campus this semester. Or are you here to see me?” Damn whatever emotion she had been listening to when she had decided not to wear her holo-ring. Mason looked behind her and a look of disgust crossed his face. “Get a room or get off campus!” Raven was mortified as Gar and Terra quickly sprang apart blushing. Gar saw her next to Mason, his hands still on her arms and his face showed equal amounts of embarrassment and anger.

Ignoring his calls for her to wait, Raven pulled out of Masons grasp and strode purposefully through the throng of students ducking into the only building almost guaranteed to make her feel safe. _Go back there and tell that hussy to keep her hands off our man!_ She ignored Angers hissing voice and she kept walking until she was out of sight of the front doorway.

Raven took in a deep breath, the smell of books old and new helping somewhat to calm her nerves. A hand on her shoulder made her flinch and she didn’t need to turn to know who it belonged to. “Raven, could you please wait. It wasn’t what it looked like.” Raven turned, looking into the pleading emerald eyes that had somehow gained the power to make her insides melt and tried valiantly to harden her heart. What was left of the fragments of it anyway.

“It looked like you had finally gotten sick of the stand-ins and have gone back to the original. I’m guessing by the tonsil hockey that Terra got her memory back?” Raven didn’t wait for him to reply. She walked through the aisles of the library towards the front door, her hiding place now tainted with the images of Gar and Terra running through her head. It wasn’t hard for him to keep up with her seeing as he towered over her at 6’2, even with her wedges making her 5’9. When he moved in front of her she tried to resist the urge to throw him through a window. “Look Gar, I don’t know what you want me to say, but here goes: I’m happy for you. I, more than anyone, know how badly it crushed you when she died. Both times. And now you have the opportunity to be with your one true love again. Not many people get a 2nd chance. Even less get a 3rd. So you don’t have to explain anything to me. Obviously you and Terra have worked through your issues and are together again. Even if you weren’t, I’m your friend not your mother and you don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s your life, you can screw anyone you like, you never needed my permission before.”

Raven moved around him, now looking for a deserted spot so she could teleport back to the Tower. Screw the little sister to big brothers new girlfriend talk she had planned with Jinx. She needed to get out of here. Away from him. Them. She might not have a good a sense of smell as Gar did, but even she caught the scent of peaches wafting off him. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to smell them again without thinking of that night. Knowing that it was Terra’s scent on him that clung to him after their make-out session wasn’t helping her already fragile hold on her emotions. Realising he was reaching for her again, Raven gave up and teleported out of the Jump U library and into her room in the Tower.

 

Raven had spent more than three hours meditating. She had conferred with her emotions and decided, over their unanimous objections, that BB and Terra getting back together was for the best. He hadn’t really ever gotten over losing her and taking a random bed partner every week wasn’t really a feasible long-term plan for coping.

Raven and BB were never meant to be more than really good friends and, besides a night of hot sex he couldn’t even remember, they would stay close friends but nothing more. Raven wasn’t looking forward to the moment that BB re-introduced Terra back to the team. Star would probably be happy; Dick would be ever-cautious; and Cy would be devastated on her behalf because she could never allow herself to feel the emotions herself. They didn’t need to find a new home on top of everything else. She just hoped that Terra’s re-appearance wouldn’t put a strain on the changeling and tin-mans’ relationship.

A soft knock sounded on her door, and Raven was tempted to ignore it but the emotions reaching her through the door made her open it, move back into her room and sit on her bed. Cy crossed the threshold and shut the door behind him. When he turned back to her, the sadness in his gaze told her he knew about Terra.

“Raven, I need to tell you something, and I don’t think you’re going to like it.” He looked like he was trying to find the best way to tell her, so she held up her hand to stop him. “It’s Ok Cy, I already know about Terra.” His shoulders slumped, showing how heavy the news had been weighing on him. They were silent for a few minutes before he broke it by whispering “I’m so sorry Rae.”

She felt a crack in her composure but took a deep breath to gather herself. “Don’t be. It’s really the best possible outcome. Now Beast Boy and Terra have found each other again, they have another chance to make it work. Gar… BB deserves to be happy. Terra makes him happy.” She could tell Cy wanted to say something but thought better of it. Good. She needed at least another year of meditation before she could discuss BB and Terra’s relationship without cracking under the pressure of her emotions. Cy walked over to her, kissed her on the top of her head and left her to her solitude.

*****

**It had been two months since Terra’s re-appearance in BB’s life. After their initial kiss he had agreed to start over fresh, but only if they took things slow. They were different people than they were over four years ago and he didn’t want to rush things and ruin them. They were dating for a month before Terra admitted that it was her that he had ended up with after the fund-raiser at the hotel. When he asked her why she had left, she had explained that she hadn’t wanted him to think she was just after a one-night stand for old time’s sake. She wanted to have a relationship with him and jumping into bed hadn’t been the best way to start over.**

**It wasn’t long after that that their relationship made its way into the bedroom. BB was happier than he ever remembered being, but there were still questions floating around the back of his mind. Whenever he tried to ask Terra about them she just kissed him and led him to his bedroom.**

**To say that the team had been shocked when BB introduced Terra as his girlfriend would be an understatement. Star had been ecstatic for them, squealing and almost crushing them with her ‘hug of jubilation’. Dick had been wary at first, but had put it to one side for the sake of BB’s happiness. It was Cy’s reaction that had puzzled BB. He had uttered a ‘congratulations’ and had abruptly left to go tune up the T-Car. Raven didn’t have any reaction at all, and BB had been watching her carefully for any sign of emotion. He had to admit that when he and Terra had kissed on campus, his worst-case scenario would have fallen short of reality. The kiss was fine, but being caught by Raven’s ex while she was with him was bad. The look on her face when he followed her to the library was worse. She was more emotional than he had ever seen her, he didn’t think she even noticed the lone tear that had fallen down her cheek before she teleported away.**

**Mason had really done a number on her. When BB had tried to talk to her about it later she had shut him out. She had done the same thing when he tried to talk about anything these days, and it hurt him more than he cared to admit to lose someone who had been the only reason he had made it through the last few years with his sanity intact, especially since he had no idea why she was avoiding him. She had been looking greyer than usual and it was starting to worry him.**

**A knock sounded on BB’s door and he opened it to see Dick on the other side. “Another batch of fan mail for you BB.” BB gestured at his desk where a precarious pile of mail swamped his desk. “Just put it with the others.” Dick didn’t look happy, but move past him to add to the mountain. He turned back to the changeling and crossed his arms over his chest. _Oh no, another lecture._ Wonder what this one will be about? Cleaning of common areas? What constituted inappropriate behaviour in public? _If he’s going to_ _try to give me the safe sex talk, I’m gonna laugh._**

**“Have you noticed anything going on with Raven?”**

**The question threw BB and he took a moment before answering. He had noticed she had been a bit quieter than usual, that she had been eating even less than usual and was spending more and more time out of the Tower than was normal for her. BB realised that all the signs were there that something was bothering Raven for a while now and he had been so caught up in his renewed relationship with Terra, that he really hadn’t given it much thought.**

**“She’s seems a little more withdrawn than usual, but beyond that no. Why, do you know something I don’t?” BB was really starting to worry now. Was something wrong with Raven. He had promised himself a long time ago that he would always have her back, and the possibility that he had broken that promise made his stomach turn.**

**“No, she’s just been acting a little weird lately, she’s been spending a lot of time with Garth and I was just wondering if she told you anything about it.” The bottom dropped out of his stomach and he had to work hard to keep his face blank. “No, she didn’t mention anything, but she has kind of been avoiding me lately. Try Cy, she usually tells him stuff like that.” Dick nodded his head and moved towards the door.**

**“Oh, and if our fans take the time to write us mail, the least we can do is read it.” With those parting words of wisdom, Dick left him to his own devices. BB didn’t bother to tell Rob that the letters he usually received tended to be on the smutty side and sometimes included pictures. Now he and Terra was back together, it felt weird to read them. BB made a move towards the desk just as the mission alarm went off.**

**_Saved by the bell._ **

*****

_This couldn’t be happening. Her Karma could not possibly be this bad._ Apparently it was as Raven sat in an uncomfortable chair as the doctor Garth had recommended droned on about nutrition, light exercise and follow up appointments. Her head shot up at the mention of blood work. “I’m sorry, but that’s not possible.” The doctor looked startled before realisation dawned. “Ms. Roth, Garth has made me aware of your unusual DNA. Let me assure you that you are not the first superhero I have ever treated and I know the value of discretion. We need to make sure that the pregnancy is progressing smoothly and that you and the baby are healthy.”

Dr. Mitchel looked over her chart as Raven tried to block out the words trying to break down the barrier she had erected between herself and her emotions when she realised she might have more than just the flu. She hadn’t felt like she could tell anyone on the team and Garth had made an appointment for her when she had rushed to the bathroom during lunch one too many times. Since she was an empathic healer she had never had to go to a doctor before. Her worst fears were confirmed and now she had to figure out what to do.

She was alone, she was a superhero, she was pregnant and the man who had helped her get that way was now dating the love of his life. She couldn’t tell him. It would crush him and break-up the new relationship and Raven loved him too much to do that to him. Raven pushed away the word she was not ready to face yet as the doctor looked up at her again. “It says here that your next of kin is listed as Victor Stone, is that correct?” Raven nodded “He’s my team mate and can get in contact with any of the others at a moment’s notice.” Dr.Mitchel looked up from the chart.“Is he the father?” Raven laughed and shook her head. “No, but he’s like family. The father won’t be in the picture.” Even as she said it she felt a wave of sadness engulf her. No matter her decision, she would have to face this alone. 

 

It had been a long day and Raven was looking forward to a nice cup of tea and a warm bubble bath. Garth had been shocked when she had told him she was pregnant after they had left the doctor’s office. He had tried to wheedle the father’s identity out of her, but she had remained silent. No-one would know BB’s role in this if she had anything to say about it. She knew him well enough to know that if he found out that she was pregnant with his child, he’d insist on doing the right thing even if he had to give up Terra.

Raven loved Garfield, but she didn’t want him to be with her out of duty. She wanted him to choose to be with her because he loved her. She knew that she had been hiding from it for a long time, possibly years. Somehow he had grown to be the one person in the world she couldn’t live without. And it killed her to see him with Terra when she so wanted to be with him herself. But she wanted what was best for him, what would make him happier in the long run. Terra might have done the wrong thing when she betrayed them but she had saved them in the end, and she was still a better choice than a half-demon who helped her father almost end the world. After swearing Garth to secrecy, they had parted ways and Raven had made her way back to the Tower.

Raven moved through the elevator doors as they opened onto the common room, doing her best to ignore the couple groping each other on the couch.

“Raven, wait!”

She kept walking as the changeling untangled himself from his girlfriend and tried to catch up with her. He caught her just before she had reached the sanctuary of her room. “Raven, is everything alright?” she faced him, trying to keep her neutral mask in place as she noticed the hickey on his neck. He caught her stare and shifted uncomfortable and moved his collar to cover it.

“I’m fine Beast Boy. Why wouldn’t I be?” He frowned at her, trying to get her to look him in the eyes, but she wouldn’t. “You’ve just been a little weird lately. Ever since you and Professor Douche broke up you’ve been…distant. I want you to know you can talk to me, you can tell me anything.” Raven did look at him then. _How can he possibly be this clueless?_

“Mason and I breaking up was an inevitability. It made me realise that I’m not built for a traditional relationship and that I should just stick with the physical. You, more than anyone, should know it’s much safer.” He moved back as if she had slapped him, and she regretted her jab instantly. He had found comfort with random women because he was hurting. Now he had the real thing back he was happy again. “So what, you’re just going to hook-up with random guys or do you have a particular one in mind?”

_Yes, you._

Raven pushed the thought aside and looked at her green friend. He seemed agitated, and she couldn’t figure out why he was having such a strong reaction to her sex life. _Unless…_ NO. He was with Terra and he was happy. He was probably just going into over-protective brother mode. Dick and Cy had always been protective of her, possibly because they knew the team was the only family she had ever really had. The monks of Azarath may have raised her but they had always kept a certain distance from her. Her mother had been the same. Arella had known that Raven was destined to destroy and had even gone so far as to try to end her own life when she had been pregnant with Raven. Luckily the monks had stopped Arella and had raised Raven to resist her father’s blood running through her veins as best she could. Since she had come to Earth, the team had become her family. And now she might lose them over one slip of self-control while drunk.

Raven came back to the present as BB reached out to touch a piece of hair that had moved into her eye. She flinched from him and he paused, giving her a wounded look. “Hey Raven, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dick called from the doorway of the evidence room. Raven moved towards Dick, leaving behind a wounded and confused BB.

 


	7. Choices

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.  
  


* * *

 

 

It had been two weeks since Dr. Mitchel had confirmed Raven’s suspicions and it was still only just starting to sink in. How was she going to be a single mother and a Titan at the same time? How was she going to be able to run head-long into fights when she knew there was a small life depending on her for survival? What would she do if the baby was green, or had pointed ears, or the ability to turn into animals?

She had been meditating on these questions and the only answer she could see is that she would have to quit the Titans. She couldn’t put herself or her unborn child into situations where she could get hurt or possibly die, leaving the child on its own. She was tempted to stay at the Tower but it didn’t feel right to take up a room that could go to a hero who could pull their own weight and help the team. And just because she was contemplating leaving the Tower didn’t mean she would be leaving her little family for good. She could get an apartment in the city and catch-up with them whenever she could.

 _But it wouldn’t be the same._ No, it wouldn’t be. But it was the best she could do. Her baby had to come first. It was still so weird, knowing a small little person was growing inside of her. In her weaker moments, Raven wondered what her baby would look like. Would it look like her or BB, or a combination of the two of them?  Would it have the same difficulties in controlling its powers as she did, or would it take after the changeling? Raven sighed as she started to get dressed for the night ahead.

Last week, Dick had finally gone through with his and Raven’s plan and proposed to Star while they were visiting Gotham. He had missed out on the romantic picnic they had originally organised before the fund-raiser happened and had ended up enlisting his adoptive fathers help. He had taken his girlfriend out on his father’s yacht and moored it off a private island where they’d had the paradise to themselves for a few days. When they were sailing back to Gotham, Dick had let off fireworks that had spelt out the message _‘Marry Me Kori’._ Needless to say, she had said yes and the pair had yet to stop grinning.

The endless hours of planning with the Boy Wonder had paid off when Star had crushed Raven in a hug and shown her the engagement ring Dick had given her. Star loved it, especially since it was a gift from her future father and mother in law. Dicks would have loved to have given her a family heirloom but his mother hadn’t really worn any jewellery and Martha Wayne’s had been stolen by her murderer the night she and her husband were killed. Instead Dick and his step-mother, Diana, had found a pear shaped pink diamond surrounded by smaller white diamonds on a white gold band. Star had told Dick that she was a little worried about wearing such an expensive ring, but Diana reminded her that Kori was a princess and Dick was the eldest son of a multi-billionaire, so some things were expected. Like an expensive ring and a big wedding. Star was slowly coming around to the idea, especially when Bruce suggested they do what he and Diana had done and have a big wedding for Richard Grayson and Princess Koriand’r of Tamaran, and a smaller wedding just for Dick and Star with just close friends and family.

Tonight, though, they were celebrating Kid Flash’s 21st and all Titans were invited to celebrate in a club downtown. Raven had been a little reluctant about spending time in a club full of people, especially somewhere as emotionally charged as a club, but Wally assured her that he had made sure there was a room she could escape to if she needed some space. Raven sighed as she looked through her closet for something club-appropriate.

A knock on her door and the overwhelming feeling of joy coming from the other side told her Star wanted to get ready together. Raven opened the door and was almost squashed by the ever-excited Star as she rushed into the room with wardrobe choices and make-up bag in tow. “Friend Raven are you not excited! We are going to dance and have fun until we collapse with exhaustion” Raven couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s enthusiasm.

While Star started going through Raven’s closet to find her something to wear, Raven headed towards her jewellery box to get out her favourite piece of jewellery. Not finding it, Raven scoured through her small collection before realising it wasn’t there. _When was the last time I wore it?_

Memories she had tried to forget crashed through her and she had to sit on her bed before her legs collapsed under her. The last time she remembered wearing it was almost three months ago at the fund-raiser. She had worn it with her evening gown that night, but couldn’t remember if she was wearing it when she escaped from BB’s room. Could it be that he had found it and knew all along she had been with him? Raven wanted to say no, but if he had realised that he had sex with someone when he was drunk and grieving and realised too late that it was her, he might try to pretend ignorance to protect her feelings. Raven tried to dismiss the thought and joined Star in her pre-party excitement.

If BB knew, he would have said something. Right?

*****

**BB was nursing his beer, trying hard to have a good time while his mind was somewhere else. He had been looking forward to showing off Terra to his friends, but she had to go out of town for an exhibition where her work was being shown. She had tried to convince him to go with her, but he had promised Wally he would be there for his 21 st and he always tried to keep his promises to his friends. Besides, with his busy schedule this might be the only time he got to see some of them for six months or more. **

**Terra had said she had understood but the look on her face had given him pause. She hadn’t looked upset, more…jealous. As if she resented him wanting to spend time with someone other than her. He brushed off the thought and focused on the party going on around him. The flashing lights and pounding music made it difficult to have a conversation, but the people flocking to the dancefloor didn’t seem to mind. Near the edge Star was trying to drag Dick onto the dancefloor and having little success. Bumblebee and Jinx were trying to hear each other over the music. All through the crowd Titans were mingling and having fun.**

**Not long ago, BB would be out there with them looking to have some fun. Now it just made him feel older than his 21 years. Suddenly a slender arm slid around his middle and the smell of perfume filled his nose. _Oh no._ “Hello there Beast Boy, fancy seeing you here.” He turned slowly, trying to remove her arm subtly with no luck. It was attached to a blue eyed blonde in a tight hot-pink dress. Suddenly it clicked and he remembered the constant needy texts that had only gotten worse when he moved on. “Amanda, nice to see you.” He tried again to move away from her but she blocked his way with a coy smile designed to seduce. It just made him want to get away faster. **

**His salvation came from an unlikely source. “What is a beautiful woman such as yourself doing without a drink?” The soft Russian accent turned the blondes head and BB was quick to take the opportunity to escape as she was captivated by Red-Star. He made it to the booth where Roy, Wally and Cy were sitting and apparently laughing at him. “You looked like you could use the rescue BB so we asked Red to intervene” Wally chuckled as he toasted him with his beer. “Thanks, she has a grip like a python.” Cy, Wally and BB chuckled as Speedy made a joke about not minding a firm grip on a woman.**

**From the corner of his eye BB noticed Garth lean in to whisper something in his date’s ear across the room. A date that looked suspiciously like Raven. She wasn’t wearing her usual jeans, hoddie and sketchers like she did at home. Tonight, she was wearing a maroon lace one-shouldered cocktail dress (probably a present from Star) that came to just above her knees and had on heels that somehow managed to make her legs extend on forever, her long purple hair in a messy bun at the back of her head. It would look out of place as a club outfit on anyone else, but on Raven it just made her look classy in a sea of women in skin tight outfits. Garth suddenly kissed her cheek and moved towards the bar. BB had to repress the growl that was trying to claw its way out of his throat. He didn’t like that fishboy was getting handsy with his friend in public.**

**Wally waved Garth over and they all moved over so the Atlantean could join them. “Making some headway with miss goth girl are we?” Both Garth and BB stiffened at Speedy’s attempt at a joke. “I respect her and consider her a good friend, Roy.” Speedy didn’t seem to get the hint, probably too much alcohol clouding his judgement. “I’d give it up if I were you. I’ve been trying to ride that pony for years, but she doesn’t seem to be into men.” _10…9…8…7…_ “I’m warning you Roy, not another word about her or fishermen will be finding bits of you in their nets for years to come.” **

**Garth’s threat made the table fall silent. He had always been fairly laid-back when guy talk came around. Women, cars, sex: very few subjects were left alone and Speedy had never been shy about talking about all the women he was with. Earlier in the evening he had come in through the alleyway door with a woman, zipped up his fly and walked over to the bar where his friends were as if nothing had happened. On the other hand, Garth had never been so blatant about it but it was no secret that while he had never really thought of himself as handsome, women flocked to him in droves and he hadn’t always turned them down. It was one of the perks of being a young superhero. That and the costumes and gadgets.**

**Apparently still not getting the hint, Speedy continued “Wait, isn’t she dating some professor at Jump U? I didn’t know you liked to share Garth.” Cy, who was next to Garth, grabbed the other mans’ shoulder to keep him in his seat while glaring at Roy. “That’s enough Roy, don’t start picking fights you can’t win.” They all knew Roy tended to get offensive when he had a few too many. He always apologised in the morning, but by then the damage was usually done.**

**“Wait, didn’t I hear you and little miss gloomy were bumping uglies for a while there? I just thought it was a rumour. Trying to start up again now she’s all sad and vulnerable?” Before anyone could blink BB was out of his seat and Roy was on the ground with a hand clasped to his jaw. People continued to mill around them, fights not being completely uncommon in the club.**

**BB moved away from the table and through the packed crowd, trying to find the door to the alley. He finally found it and was relieved when a wave of cool air hit him and he could breathe again. “You shouldn’t have done that.” BB spun around and realised Garth had followed him out. He put his hands in the pockets and leaned against the wall, trying to act casual. “He was talking about my friend and teammate like she was some random skirt he wanted to bang. What was I supposed to do, sit back and let him say whatever he wanted about her?”**

**Garth mirrored BB’s pose and leaned against the alley wall across from him. The lane was barely two metres wide, so they could both act aloof and still be able to hold a conversation. “Generally Raven is more than capable of defending herself. Seeing as Roy didn’t have the courtesy to make his comments to her face, I defended her. I couldn’t care less if Roy suggests that Raven and I are back together. I don’t think, however, that your girlfriend will like the rumours that there is something between you and Raven, who has enough on her plate right now without you adding to it. Just leave defending her honour to me. You had your chance with her and you let it go by. Time to live with the decision.” Garth waited a few seconds, letting his words sink in before going back the way he’d came. BB stared after him, waiting a few minutes to clear his head and wonder what the hell Garth was talking about before he re-joined his friends in the club.**

**_Unseen by either of them, a figure in the shadows moved down the alley and away from the club, eager to share what he had learned with his associates._ **

*****

She had to tell him. Even with all the reasons why not to running through her head, Raven couldn’t get past one simple fact that trumped the rest.

It was his child too.

Even if they didn’t mean to end up in bed together. Even if he was happy with Terra. Even if it was a conversation she never wanted to have, she knew he had a right to know. Raven meditated on her bed, trying to force an epiphany on how best to broach the subject when the mission alarm went off. She rushed to her closet and put on her uniform before meeting everyone in the Com-room to be debriefed. She hesitated before she sat on the sofa next to Cy and Star. She looked around and noticed BB wasn’t there. Nightwing was near the console typing away, trying to get as much info as he could before he handed out assignments.

The door swished open and Cy sniggered as Beast Boy and Terra stumbled in, the alarm obviously cutting into their make-out session. Raven’s heart twinged but she kept her hood up so no-one would notice her grimace. _I should always wear my hood._ Unfortunately it was like wearing a giant bulls-eye in public and she got sick of people whispering about her when they thought she couldn’t hear. Monster and abomination where two of the nicer of the comments most commonly used. Right up there with Demon-spawn.

Nightwing finally turned as BB plopped onto the kitchen counter and Terra made for the door. “Terra, we could use your help if you don’t mind.” Raven stilled as the earth-mover shrugged and jumped onto the bench next to BB. Nightwing started to give them the run-down. “Reports have come in from the warehouse district, they’re not sure who it is but there has been a lot of trucks coming and going to an old factory that was shut down over 5 years ago. The police want us to check it out because of the…unusual reports of what’s being unloaded from the trucks.” Cy leaned forward and began to type on the hologram keyboard. “What kind of things?” he asked as he pulled up grainy surveillance video from the warehouse across the street. The all froze as a familiar figure came into view, directing the trucks. “Slade.”

 

Needless to say, Star would make sure she and Nightwing would be paired up together. After his obsession with Slade’s disappearance after the world almost ended, and his hallucinations caused by a coating on Slade’s mask, Star wanted to keep an eye on her fiancé.  Slade had a knack for getting into Nightwing’s head.

It was decided that Nightwing and Starfire would enter through the roof, Cyborg and Beast Boy would go through the back and Terra and Raven would enter from underground. The assignments handed out, the group separated and made their way to the ‘abandoned’ warehouse. Raven used her dark energy to move through the shadows, trying to get the lay of the land as Terra tunnelled over from the building next door. They were lucky this part of town generally shut down after 6, it meant less chance of innocent bystanders getting hurt. After making sure the perimeter was clear, Raven gave the all-clear signal on her communicator and used her powers to get inside.

She materialised just inside the roller-door and slipped behind a pile of crates, unseen. Everything was still. Too still. While her friend had trained long and hard through the years, Nightwing and Raven were the only ones who were really any good at stealthy entrances. The others tripped on things, jabbed their toes and other things that happened when you were moving around in the dark in an unfamiliar environment. Raven moved forward, using the shadows as cover as she made her way further into the warehouse. It was then that she saw them. Two clear plastic chambers, like clean environment chambers used to study viruses. Raven felt movement behind her and then everything went dark.

 

_Smoke and flames engulfed everything. Buildings were no more than rubble and people transformed into grotesque statues in the street. The sky was as red as blood. The lake was now lava, destroying anything unfortunate enough to touch it. In its centre was Titans Tower twisted and misshapen, a testament to evils triumph over good. The forms that were once her friends were now shells of their former selves, being pulled down by her father’s minions all captured in stone. Raven stood on one of the few towers that was still standing and looked out at the world she had destroyed, nearly drowning in her despair. “No!” Please, not this. Anything but this. “Yeees. Look at it. Drink it in. Behold the world you are destined to create.” Slade moved beside her and looked upon the destruction with glee..._

Raven felt herself being pulled by a force she couldn’t see, dragging away from the memories that had haunted her for years. As she started to gain consciousness her surroundings began to come to her in bits and pieces. Slowly and carefully, she opened her eyes. She was sitting upright in a chair, her limbs bound tightly so she couldn’t move. She tried to speak her words of power, but her mouth was covered. She realised she was in one of the clean rooms she had seen earlier. She was positioned so she could see into the other one. Where her friends were unconscious, in much the same state she was. Bound to chairs that seemed oddly familiar. “Oh good, you’re finally awake.”

Raven stilled as the deceptively soft voice that had haunted her nightmares sent shivers down her spine. Moving from the shadows, Slade came into view and moved between the two chambers, ensuring her full attention was on him. Raven noticed movement as her friends started to stir. “I wouldn’t bother trying to escape. You see, I have been researching you and your nemeses, gathering information on where their plans went wrong and the ways I could adapt their failures for my own purposes. How lucky I was when I came upon Mad Mod’s power disrupting chairs. He wasn’t using them so I decided to see if they still worked. Apparently, they do.”

Slade drifted closer to her friend’s plastic prison and tsked. “Now don’t get any ideas Robin, or is it Nightwing now? I have made a few improvements to them. They will take a lot longer for you to break out of. In the meantime, let’s play a game shall we?” He moved in front of Starfire. “I hear congratulations are in order, I hope nothing that happens in the next few minutes puts any dents in your nuptial plans.” Nightwing yelled at Slade to get away from her, causing the villain to chuckle and move on. “Ahh, Cyborg. Half man, half machine. I wonder if one side would still function without the other?” Cyborg spat at him, and Slade moved on to his next target. “Beast Boy. Together with your one true love at long last. Not even being turned to stone could separate you for long could it? What would you do if you were to lose her again I wonder?” Beast Boy struggled against his bonds and cursed him.

Slade paused before he moved onto the last chair “And my dear, sweet apprentice. So good to see you whole and well again. Too bad you don’t seem to be able to learn from your mistakes. When will you learn that being a hero only leads to pain? They will never accept you and when you show them you are still the child that turned to me in your time of need, the child who betrayed them, they will reject you and you will once again be alone in the world.” Terra dropped her head forward, refusing to look at him.

Slade moved back to face all her friends as a whole, his back to her. “I have brought you here because I wanted to see if your bonds as teammates were still as strong as ever. After you defeated Trigon, I admit I was curious. How had five teenagers been able to defeat a demon who had crushed so many before them? How had you been able to do what so many before you had tried and failed to do? So I studied you. I studied your strengths and your weaknesses and realised that separate you were vulnerable, but together you are nigh on unstoppable. But soon that will all change.”

Finally, Slade turned to Raven, pressing buttons on a keypad and stepped inside her chamber. He circled her before standing behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Raven resisted the urge to flinch away from him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. “I am going to test that loyalty. I want to see how far you would go to protect one another.” Raven heard a growling sound and watched helplessly as Beast Boy tried harder to get free of his bonds. “Don’t you touch her!” Slade just laughed “My, my, so protective aren’t we? Careful, Terra might get the wrong idea. Or is it the right idea? Now don’t worry I’m not going to hurt her…yet” Slade slipped his hands off her shoulders and moved back through the doorway, sealing it behind him.

“Here is how the game will be played. There is a canister attached to each of your rooms. It is filled with carbon monoxide. If inhaled in small doses it can lead to dizziness, light-headedness, vertigo and confusion. In large doses, it leads to damage to the heart and nervous system and is usually fatal.” Slade paused to let the information sink in before he continued.

“Now here’s the fun part. I’m going to give Raven a choice.” Slade pressed a switch on the keypad and two buttons appeared under her hands. “At the moment, each pipe is only half open. She has two options. Option 1: She presses the button under her left hand, the pipe attached to her chamber closes while yours opens fully and fills your room with gas faster and she watches as you all suffocate to death in front of her eyes.”

He paused for dramatic effect, watching their reactions before continuing. “Option 2: She presses the button under her right hand, the pipe attached to your room shuts while her room fills with the gas faster and she hopes you are able to save her before she dies. There is the third choice of you all dying slowly together, but I doubt that will be the case. A simple choice really, and one I would have been able to predict with certainty before. Now I wonder if her current circumstances have changed things.”

Ravens heart stopped as Slade turned to her friends, seeming to revel in their confusion. “I may have forgotten to mention that carbon dioxide can also have severe effects on foetus if the mother inhales it while pregnant, sometimes even leading to miscarriage. Knowing this I wonder, will Raven choose to save the only family she has ever had…” He turned to face her.

“Or will she choose to save her unborn child?” 


	8. Lesser of Two Evils

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Possible trigger warning if you have miscarried a child.

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

Her friends stared at her, stunned, as Slade continued to taunt her. “Which will it be Raven? Your friends or your child? This is somewhat time sensitive by the way. The rooms aren’t that large and when I sealed your chamber, the gas started venting into them. You have maybe three minutes before they’re at toxic levels. So which will it be?” Raven tried to push down the fear as different escape scenarios rushed through her head. They all depended on at least one of them being free, or at least having their powers.

“Don’t do it Raven, save yourself we’ll be fine.” Nightwing struggled against his restraints, his hands completely encased in metal, preventing him from picking the locks. Starfires super-strength and star bolts weren’t working, neither was Cyborgs arm canon, Terra’s earthmoving or Beast Boys morphing abilities. They were helpless to help themselves or her. Raven tried again to summon the dark energy inside her, but either the chair or her fear was blocking them. They were trapped.

Slade moved between the chambers, watching the Titans as they struggled before turning back to Raven. “Come now Raven, it can’t be that difficult a choice. They may be your friends, but your child is relying on you to protect it, nurture it. What kind of mother would purposely hurt her child when given another option?” He was right. Any other normal person would probably put the life of their child above all else.

But she wasn’t a normal person. She had put other people before herself for most of her life. She had been created by evil to do evil things, but she was more than her heritage, being a Titan had taught her that. She had fought long and hard to be the person she wanted to be instead of the person destiny prophesised she would become. She had never wished to be someone like her father or Slade, someone who could look out for themselves first and foremost. Until now.

But that wasn’t who she was. She hated herself, and would never forgive herself if she survived, but she knew what she had to do. Raven loved them, they were her family. She took one last look at her friend’s faces, doing her best to appear at peace before slamming her right hand down, closing the pipe to their chamber and fully opening the one into her own. What she wouldn’t give to be able to say a final goodbye to her friends, but the tape over her mouth made that impossible.  Raven could see them struggling harder against their bonds, calling out to her but it all started to get foggy around the edges. She finally gave in to her slowly drooping eyelids and surrendered herself over to the sweet darkness of oblivion engulfing her. She dimly heard an animalistic cry as she drifted into unconsciousness.

*****

**Beast Boy pulled against the bindings holding him to the chair, fighting to get loose. He had to get free. Had to help her. He watched helplessly as Raven’s head slowly slumped forward as she lost consciousness.**

**“NOOO!” Suddenly he saw red and something inside him snapped. His arms pulled against the binding and he felt them give way as the Beast took over, destroying the chair as he morphed. He ran to the door, his claws making deep rivets in the hardened plastic as he tried to dig his way through. “Beast Boy, help us get free so we can help her.” He tried to ignore the voice of his leader behind him, but the part of his mind that hadn’t been full taken over by his primitive side told the Beast that if he wanted to save Raven, he would have to free the others first.**

**The Beast growled and moved to destroy their bindings before turning back to the door, using all his strength to try and break it down. Sudden bolts of green flew past him and the door suddenly melted away and the smell of burnt plastic filled the air. The Beast rushed through the opening and started clawing at the other chamber. Cyborg hurried to the computer they had been too distracted to notice until now, and closed off the pipe attached to the canister filled with toxic gas and started to vent Raven’s chamber. Suddenly the plastic door into her chamber opened and the Beast was clawing her restraints on her chair. He picked her up swiftly and carried her out of the warehouse and placed her carefully on the ground just outside the doorway, hoping the fresh air would fill her lungs and somehow save her. She filled his vision, nothing else mattered except her. He hovered over her, the Beast not knowing what to do to help her.**

**A movement next to him made his hackles rise and he growled and bared his fangs at the intruder when they tried to get near his Raven. “Easy Beast Boy, I just want to make sure she is Ok. The ambulance will be here in a few minutes but we have to try and keep her alive until they get here.” Slowly, his primitive mind receded back into its cave in the back of his mind and Beast Boy morphed back to his normal self and stepped back so Cyborg could check over their friend. _She can’t die, not like this._ BB tried to re-orient himself, it was always an adjustment when the Beast receded. He couldn’t take his eyes off Raven. He looked her over, trying to see the signs he had obviously missed, her recent avoidance of him starting to make sense to a point. But why hadn’t she told anyone? The team was pretty much her family, and BB could tell by the other’s faces that they hadn’t known either. Why the secrecy? He suddenly noticed the gashes on her wrists and fell to his knees next to her, whimpering. In his haste to help her, he had hurt her.BB struggled against the nausea and self-hatred as his ears picked up the sirens in the distance. “Please Rae, just hold on.”**

**Anarchy descended on the waiting room as more and more of their friends arrived to offer their support. Almost all of the Titans had been in town to celebrate Wally’s 21 st so they were close when the call went over the communicators that one of their own was seriously injured.  Star was on the phone with her future father-in-law, discussing the fastest way to get Raven the help she would need to make it through the night. Dick was filling in their friends on what had happened and was organising patrols to look for Slade. Cy was pacing back and forth across the waiting room, waiting for someone to give them some answers. BB sat numbly in a chair outside her door, never moving from his guard post as he eyed everyone entering and exiting her room. They had tried to get him to move, but had backed off when he started growling at them. Terra sat beside him and held his hand but he ignored her. **

**_Why didn’t she tell me?_ The question ricochet through his mind, never being answered to his liking. He couldn’t understand why the person who he had bared his soul to again and again hadn’t felt comfortable relying on him the same way. A familiar scent had his head lifting as Garth came into the waiting room with a brunette woman in tow. While the woman rushed over to the nurse’s station, Garth moved towards his waiting friends.**

**“I heard what happened, I thought Rae’s doctor could be of some help.” BB dropped Terra’s hand and stalked over to the group. “And how exactly did you know who her doctor is? This is the first I’ve ever heard of her having a doctor.” Garth looked at all of them in turn and sighed. “I’m not sure if you know this or not, but Raven is pregnant. I convinced her a few weeks ago to go see Dr. Mitchel after she ran to the bathroom to throw-up one too many times when we went out to lunch. She told me she was pregnant after the appointment, that’s all I know.” Cy seemed to stiffen as Dick and Star started asking him questions he couldn’t answer.**

**BB just seethed. “You’re telling me you knew she was pregnant and you didn’t tell anyone? If we had of known we would have watched out for her, kept her out of the fighting. She might not be here in this hospital if you had told us!” The room fell silent as everyone stared as Beast Boy and Aqualad glared at each other. “Victor Stone?” A cautious voice asked and everyone turned to face the woman Garth had arrived with. Cy raised his hand and the woman moved towards their group, somewhat startled as all manner of costumed heroes converged around her. She cleared her throat. “Mr. Stone, Ms. Roth has you down as her next of kin and I wanted to update you on her condition. If we could speak in private.” Cy shook his head and looked her straight in the eye. “Anything you have to say about Raven’s condition, you can say to all of us. We’re her family.” Everyone around them nodded their heads in agreement and the doctor sighed and gave in.**

**“The damage done by the gas was extensive for the amount of time she was exposed to it: it seems to have been a more concentrated variety than is typically used. Thankfully, her natural ability to heal herself has already started to reverse the damage.” Sighs of happiness and whoops of joy sounded as their friends started to celebrate the fact Raven was going to pull through. BB didn’t join them however, noticing the way the doctor was shifting her weight from foot to foot. BB’s eyes connected with Dick’s and both of them braced themselves for the bad news they knew was coming. Their friends fell silent once again as she continued. “Unfortunately, Ms. Roth inhaled a large amount of gas, and though the doctors did everything they could…” She paused, shaking her head as she visibly tried to calm herself.**

**“She has lost the baby.”**

*****

_*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*_

Raven eyes slowly drifted open as she took stock of the unfamiliar room around her. She was in a hospital, that much she could tell from the equipment and the movement of people outside her door. She shifted slightly in the bed and winced at the pain in her middle. In a rush it all came back to her: the plastic rooms, the poisonous gas, and her friends struggling to reach her. The hardest decision of her life.

Tears began to slip down her face as she turned away from the doorway, curled carefully into a ball and wept. Her powers were so depleted from trying to heal herself that she couldn’t even hear her emoti-clones in her head. She was completely alone. She didn’t know how long she stayed like that; a minute, an hour, maybe longer when she heard the door to her room quietly open. Raven tried to ignore the intruder of her anguish, but couldn’t when she felt someone gently get into the bed next to her. Smelling lemons, Raven slowly turned over and welcomed the Tamaranean’s embrace as she wept uncontrollably onto her friend’s shoulder.

 

Star stayed with her through the night, a guardian against those Raven wasn’t up to facing yet, which was pretty much everyone. Star might be incredibly sweet, but no-one was dumb enough to cross her when her friend’s wellbeing was involved. She had also been a sympathetic ear as Raven confessed everything to her. Cy and Garth knew pieces of the truth, but no-one but Raven knew everything. Until now. Though at this point Cy had probably guessed. Her friend had listened through it all, only asking the occasional question to clarify things she didn’t quite understand like what the morning after pill was and its apparent ineffectiveness. Raven had been shocked at that herself. Her apparent fool-proof method of ensuring that their one non-condom time didn’t result in pregnancy was only 89% effective.  Star had sat quietly through the rest of story, letting Raven get it off her chest.

Star had waited until the end before asking the most important of questions: “What was he like in bed?” which sent Raven off into a fit of giggles that turned into a hiss of pain and devolved into tears at the magnitude of her loss. Eventually she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of sinister laughter as she watched helplessly as her friends slowly died before her eyes.

 

Even with her healing abilities, the doctors had insisted that she spend at least a few days in hospital. It was fine with Raven. The longer she was here, the longer she could deny the ache growing inside of her. As soon as she was back in her room at the Tower, she knew the grief would consume her. Star had been great at keeping people at a distance, but soon enough she would have to face questions she wasn’t sure how to answer. How long had she known she was pregnant? Did the father know? Who _was_ the father? Raven wasn’t sure how to answer that question. Telling BB he was going to be a father when she was pregnant was one thing, telling him after she had miscarried might not be the best idea. Why should both of them suffer the heartache? Raven wasn’t sure if it was the medication they had her on or denial, but suddenly keeping the truth from the green changeling seemed like the best idea.

 

*****

**The last week BB had been spending most of his time at the hospital, wanting to be near Raven even if he couldn’t be with her in her room. The nurses had been sweet, making sure he got food and water while he watched out for his friend. Cy had finally kicked him out of the chair he had been occupying outside her door, reminding him that he was no use to her in the state he was in.**

**So BB had agreed to go back to the Tower to sleep for a while. He shuffled into his room, taking off his uniform as he went. A scent hit him suddenly, and his Beast made himself known. BB moaned and tipped his head back. He knew that scent. He turned slowly, just now noticing the lit scented candles that drove his Beast nuts with lust. For some reason, whenever he smelt that scent his Beasts need to mate went into overdrive. There, sitting on his bed in nothing but the stockings and heels that drove him wild, was Terra. She got up and slowly strutted towards him. She moved around him and her scent mixed with the vanilla of the candles, making desire race through him. She moved around to face him and leaned into him, rubbing her body against his. He shuddered as she boldly started to move her hands over his body, he sucked in a breath through is teeth as her hand inched closer and closer to his crotch. A voice of reason sang in his head, but the Beast pushed it away. Still, he had come back to the Tower for a shower and some sleep, not a quickie with his girlfriend. Apparently he said so out loud because Terra was softly chuckling in his ear. “What I have planned for you is going to be anything but quick, BB.” She grabbed hold of his belt, and used it to pull him towards his bed. He didn’t fight her.**

**“BB!” Terra gave one final cry as she closed her eyes, running her hands through her hair as she threw back her head above him. He gripped her hips tighter, thrusting twice before stilling within her groaning. Terra fell forward, collapsing on BB’s chest and he could feel her smiling against his skin. They lay in silence as they waited for their breathing and heartbeats to slow. She had been right, their coupling had been anything but quick. BB looked over at his clock to note that two hours had passed. She started kissing his collarbone, apparently not ready to be done for the day.**

**A buzzing noise pierced the lusty fog clouding his brain and BB moved a very annoyed Terra to the side as he went in search of his phone. He read the message and quickly moved towards his bathroom. “What is it? Where are you going?” BB quickly turned the shower on, not waiting for it to heat up before stepping under the cold spray. “That was Cy, Raven is ready to talk to us. I have to get back to the hospital.” He quickly grabbed his scrubber and body wash, wanting to leave as soon as possible, but not wanting to smell like sex when he got there.**

**Suddenly the shower door opened and Terra joined him. BB wasn’t sure if it was the cold shower or the news that Raven was finally ready to talk, but BB was suddenly in no mood for fooling around with his girlfriend. “Terra, I don’t have time. I have to go see Rae.” Terra got a hard glint in her eyes he had never seen before, but he didn’t have time to examine her odd behaviour as he rushed through his shower, trying his best to avoid her wandering hands. He was soon changed and on his way to the hospital, his girlfriend pouting beside him as he sped through downtown on the way to the hospital to see his friend for the first time in almost a week. He hadn’t gone this long without seeing or talking to her in seven years.**

**BB rushed through the hospitals doors and made his way to Raven’s room, greeting the nurses by name as he went. He and Terra met up with Dick and Cy outside Raven’s room just as Garth exited it. BB tried to reign in his temper, knowing no matter Garth and Raven’s history, they were still friends and he had every right to see her as they did. “The doctors are insisting on only one visitor at a time, they don’t want her to overdo it. Raven wants to see you but she has laid down some ground rules;**

  1. **No more than 5-10 minutes each, the doctors want her to rest and don’t want her to get too stressed, which isn’t a tough ask given the circumstances.**
  2. **Talking about the pregnancy, or telling her ‘hopeful’ platitudes will get you thrown out a window. Her words, not mine.**
  3. **She won’t talk about the baby’s father. I’ve tried to get her to tell me who he is but she’s staying mute on the subject.**



**Cy, you’re first, then Rob...I mean Nightwing, then BB.” Garth stepped aside as Cy made to move past him. Garth started walking towards the cafeteria. BB followed him, leaving Terra in the waiting room. He waited until they were near a doorway before he grabbed Garths’ arm and dragged him outside to a small alcove where they wouldn’t be disturbed. Garth shook off his arm and turned to face him, obviously not liking being hauled around against his will. “How does she look, is she alright?” BB wanted to know what he would find when he went to see her, he didn’t want his reaction to hurt her.**

**“She’s as good as can be expected under the circumstances. She’s mostly healed, but the doctors are worried about her emotional health. They want to make sure she’s ok psychologically before they release her.” BB started pacing back and forth. “I am going to kill Slade the next time I see him for doing this to her! And Mason.” Garth looked puzzled as BB paced and growled out his frustration.**

**“I can understand why you would want to hurt Slade, but what does Mason have to do with this?” BB looked at him “He’s the…. the father, and he abandoned her when she needed him most. Why shouldn’t he be held accountable too?” Before he even finished his sentence, Garth was shaking his head. “Mason can’t be the father. Raven says they shared an…intellectual relationship that was never intimate in that way. The father is someone else.”**

**BB stopped pacing, lost in thought as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that Raven and Mason had dated for almost half a year and hadn’t done anything before getting back to the question at hand. He tried to remember the men in Raven’s life that she was close to. Dick and Cy were out; he wasn’t going to even go near accusing Dick of sleeping with Raven again, and Cy was like her brother so he doubted it was either of them. BB was pretty sure he’d remember sleeping with her, not that he hadn’t thought about it… _MOVING ON_. That only left Roy, who Raven would never sleep with because he was a man-whore and she wouldn’t like being another notch on his bedpost. Wally she would never be with because he was Jinx’s ex and she didn’t date her friend’s ex’s. Mason who she apparently had dated but never slept with, which was still baffling and …Garth who she had a mostly physical relationship with that turned back into friendship when they’d worked out their lust. **

**The more BB thought about it the more it made sense. It had been Garth who had taken her to the doctor in the first place. He and Raven had been spending a lot of time together since she and Mason broke up and a re-bound physical relationship might also explain why she hadn’t wanted to tell anyone from the team; she had been embarrassed. He was the first one to see her except Star and he was acting as her protector against her own family. Everything fit.**

**BB tried and failed to reign in the rage trying to consume him on his friends’ behalf. BB turned to Garth, his anger apparently showing on his face as the Atlantean moved into a fighting stance.**

**“It was you!” With a growl BB lunged for Garth.**


	9. Nightmare

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.  
  


* * *

 

 

_The next person who tries to feed me jello is going out the window._

It was threat she had been making more and more recently, maybe a sign she hadn’t come as far as she thought she had. Her current accommodations were doing little to improve her mood. She was grateful for the privacy but she missed her little slice of solitude. While Raven was usually happy to have free time to meditate and centre her emotions; having so much free time on her hands was driving her nuts. Not to mention the constant tests they ran on her, making sure she wasn’t about to break at any second. It was hardly a secret that Raven had had trouble controlling her emotions, especially anger, in the past. But her powers were so wiped out that she wasn’t sure if she could use them if she wanted to, and her emoti-clones were blissfully silent.

It was terrifying how close she had come to death. Her doctors said if she had been in that chamber for a minute longer…she didn’t want to think about it. To be honest she didn’t want to think about anything at the moment. After her conversation with Garth, which largely consisted of him asking her who the father was and her threatening to send him where nightmares were born if he didn’t stop asking, she wasn’t in the mood for company. Even company she would, and had, given up pretty much anything for. Raven tilted her head back into the pillows behind her. How could something that had started out unwanted and terrifying, turn into something that made everything she had gone through in her life seem worthwhile?

Raven raised her head as a soft knock came at the hospital room door. Cy poked his head around the edge of the doorway, smiling when he saw her sitting up in bed. He closed the door quietly behind him and moved swiftly towards her and kissed her forehead. Raven had never really considered how comforting it was to have friends who genuinely cared about her. He pulled up the chair right next to her bed and just looked at her. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just looking at each other. There was something in his silence; maybe the way his eyes looked so solemn, or how he compressed his lips in the way he did when he was trying not to lecture her like her big brother. But something in that moment told her that he knew exactly who the father had been.

She looked away and shifted slightly, trying to buy for time. “You don’t have to say anything Raven.” Her eyes flashed back to him. He leaned forward and grabbed the hand that didn’t have an I.V in it. “If it’s something you don’t want to talk about, I won’t push you. But just know that if you ever do need to talk, I’m here for you, OK?” She sighed with relief, it had completely wiped her out when she confessed everything to Star. Having to go through it again, even skipping the parts he already knew about, would be more than she could take right now. She was grateful that she had used most of her powers to heal, otherwise there would probably be a smoking crater where the hospital now stood. Raven was saved from answering him when they heard a commotion coming from outside her window.

Cy rushed over and opened the curtains. His eyes widened and he ran out of her room so fast he could have given Wally a run for his money. Raven got up carefully from the bed, gripped the I.V stand and walked towards the window carefully to see what the hell was going on. In the courtyard below, Garth was using water to fend of air attacks from BB who had turned himself into a hawk. Garth had scratch marks on his arms and face, and she could faintly see blood seeping between feathers on the hawk as well. Typical that her friends would choose now of all times to work out their recent animosity towards each other.

Raven sighed again and closed the blinds on their antics. She moved towards her bed as Star came into the room, apparently wanting to ensure that Raven was alright. Raven settled back into the hospital bed. “Visiting time is over.” She wasn’t sure if she could see BB without sending him into the nothingness right now. _Men._

 

It had been over a week since Raven had gotten home from the hospital. Her friends had been walking on egg-shells around her and it was slowly driving her insane. They wouldn’t let her do anything for herself; as if she was a porcelain doll with a crack in it that just needed one little nudge before it shattered completely. While she appreciated that they were just trying to help her, coddling her was not a good idea. She had been more or less self-sufficient since she was 5 years old, and having someone constantly hovering over her shoulder was damaging her calm. The worst thing was, she couldn’t even really say anything because she knew it was just because they didn’t know how to act. It wasn’t Raven the Titan that had been injured while fighting, it was Raven their friend who had lost a baby she hadn’t told anyone she was carrying. Trust had been damaged with her silence, and if it took silence in the face of their tiptoeing to try and repair it a little then so be it.

Raven glanced up as Terra gently handed her a cup of tea. A startling turn of events was Terra’s new attitude towards her. Since Terra had been back in the team’s life she had given Raven a wide berth, probably thinking that Raven would be anything but friendly given Terra’s betrayal, death, rebirth with amnesia, then reappearance as Gar…BB’s girlfriend. Since the Slade incident however, she had been going out of her way to make sure Raven had everything she needed. She had made sure Raven had a constant supply of tea, even having a special one made up for her that was supposed to be calming and promote healing. It had an element that Raven couldn’t identify, but she had grown used to it and now had a cup every night before she went to bed.

Raven thanked the earth-mover, who walked towards the hallway leading towards the bedrooms. Terra had more or less moved into the Tower. Into BB’s room. The move had been happening gradually over the last three months, but now it was now more or less official. Though Raven had heard Terra comment on more than one occasion about the lack of privacy that came with living with four roommates. Raven’s heart twinged, but she pushed it away as she sipped the last of her tea and lay down for a short nap.

 

_Raven was in darkness. A cold bleak darkness that seemed to have no end. She tried to move forwards but it was like the air around her was solid as stone and was trying to push her back. Her mind told her to stay put, but a voice in the distance told her to keep moving forward. Suddenly the air around her cleared and she was in a park. The sun was shining and people around her were smiling and having picnics. She would never admit it to anyone, but this was what she had dreamed about when she was in the monastery with the monks of Azarath; a simple sunny day. Where she didn’t have the prophecy hanging over her head like a curse and she was free to just find a little piece of happiness for herself. Raven looked around her, letting the sun sink into her skin._

_Suddenly something in the air changed and the people around her abruptly started to scream and run as they pointed in her direction. She looked around confused, looking for what had startled them. She glanced down at herself and realised she had changed. The darker part of herself had taken over and had transformed her form into a creature of darkness. “Mummy?” Ravens head turned as a little boy, a smaller version of Garfield, approached her. He stopped, his eyes round with fear as he looked at her. “Mummy, what are you doing?” Without thought and without her permission her body moved towards him. He screamed as her claws ran him through, lifting him off the ground towards her as he struggled for life. “Why would you hurt me mummy?” Raven screamed in her head as she watched the life slowly drain out of her son’s eyes._

Raven shot up on the couch. The room around her was in chaos; windows were broken and furniture had been thrown everywhere. It looked like a tornado had come through here as she slept, wrecking everything in its path. “Friend Raven, what has happened?” Raven looked over the back of the couch at her friends who were crowded in the doorway to the bedroom hallway. The looks of shock on their faces cut deep, and she quickly let dark energy engulf her as she teleported to her room. Her powers were back in full force. And she had lost control of them again. The echoes of her dream flashed through her mind. _You are a monster._ Fear might be a pain in the ass, but sometimes she was right _._

*****

**BB looked around the common room and let out a sigh. It had been years since Raven had lost control of her powers to this extent. Now-days if she lost it she just blew a lightbulb, or pulled a few books out of the bookcase. A loss of control of this magnitude hadn’t happened since Trigon was trying to control her. “Friend Raven, what has happened?” BB’s heart broke as he saw the look on Raven’s face before she teleported away. _She looks so terrified._ Cy and Dick moved into the room, righting furniture, Star started to pick up the books strewn everywhere. “Is she always that out of control?” BB turned to Terra who was looking around the room with fear in her eyes. “No, she’s just been having a hard time of it lately.” Terra looked at him. “So that means she just wrecks rooms with her powers and no-one does anything about it? Someone could have been seriously hurt BB!” He moved away from her and back into the hallway, not wanting to have this argument again. **

**Ever since he and Garth had gotten into that fight at the hospital, Terra had been making comments like that. Little things like wondering out loud about the kind of damage this would do to Raven’s emotions and therefore her powers. What that kind of thing does to a person’s psyche. Speculating on who the father was. BB didn’t say a word. He knew Garth was the father, but he didn’t have any evidence to back it up, and after what happened last time when he accused Dick of cheating on Star with Raven, he knew not to tell anyone what he was thinking. He didn’t know what Terra’s sudden problem was with Raven but he didn’t have to listen to it. He had other things to worry about.**

**BB stood in front of Raven’s door and knocked. _Garfield._ His head shot around, searching the hallway but he was alone. He shook his head and chalked it up to an overactive imagination. The door slid open and BB turned to see a pale Raven staring up at him. “I just wanted to know you were OK.” She looked at him and moved aside to let him in. He heard the door shut behind him and watched as Raven rushed to her bed and hid herself under the comforter. **

**BB supressed a chuckle as he looked around at Raven’s inner sanctum. He hadn’t really been in here since the remodel, and he noticed that it was largely the same. Dark walls, bookcases filled to the brim with old tomes and knick-knacks he didn’t want to look at too closely. She had a desk and computer tucked into one corner, with a vanity across from it. BB moved towards it and noticed pictures tucked into the mirror. Pictures of the whole team through the years, even the strip of pictures he and Raven had taken with the giant chicken he had won her at the fair. He had insisted on the pictures to commemorate his awesome feat of strength. Raven had gone along with it because he had begged. It seemed like a lifetime ago now. He looked at the younger versions of himself and his best friend and smiled. It was so much simpler then. BB thought about all they had gone through. _Maybe not._ BB turned from the trip down memory lane and focused on his best friend in the present. **

**In the place of her old round bed was a solid dark-wood four poster bed that wouldn’t look out of place in a medieval castle. He moved slowly towards it, not wanting to startle her in the state she was in. A memory surfaced and he grinned. He sat on the bed and shifted into a little green kitten and burrowed his way under her comforter. In the early days, BB had realised that she may not welcome his presence when she was upset, but she wasn’t averse to him in small, cute fluffy form. He padded softly over to her and nudged into the back of her head and started purring. Raven slowly turned over and gave Beast Kitten a watery smile. He moved towards her and licked her nose before cuddling into her neck and continued to purr. Raven started to run her fingers through his fur. They stayed like that for hours, neither saying a word. Eventually Raven threw back the covers, picked up the kitten and gave him a kiss on his little pink nose. BB was glad that he couldn’t blush in cat form, but still put up the shields that largely hid his emotions from her.**

**Raven put him on the ground and watched as he morphed back into his human form. “Thanks BB.” It struck him then that he couldn’t remember the last time she had called him Gar. All four of his team-mates knew his real identity but Raven was the only one who ever called him by his first name. Except Dick, when he was supremely pissed. He had always thought of it as her special nickname for him. He tried to remember the last time she called him by his first name and couldn’t come up with anything. He looked at her, wondering what had caused her to stop.**

**“That’s what I’m here for Raven. Just think of me as your own fluffy pillow of comfort.” His breath caught as she gave him one of her rare full-wattage smiles. He had thought she was incapable of smiling in the beginning, but had learnt that although she rarely smiled, they were even more special because they weren’t given lightly.**

**Another knock sounded on the door, and Raven suddenly stopped smiling and seemed to pull back into herself. BB cursed under his breath as he went to answer the door as Raven hid herself under the covers again.**

**He opened it a crack to find Cy on the other side. The tin-man raised his eyebrow at him and asked “How is she?” BB moved to join Cy out in the hallway and shut the door behind him as he answered. “She’s OK, a little shook up but she’s getting there.” Cy nodded and looked at the doorway as if it held all the answers. “I think she just needs some time.”**

**Cy looked back at him, disbelief clouding his eye and he gave BB a look he didn’t really understand. It looked a hell of a lot like sympathy. “I don’t think there’s enough time in the world to make this alright.”**

**BB sighed and leant against her door and looked at his metal friend. “Maybe not, but she’ll pull through. She always does.”**

**Cy shrugged before replying, “She’s never gone through something like this though.”**

**BB agreed. “True, but she will make it through anyway.”**

**Cy looked him in the eyes, sadness coming off him in waves. ”What makes you so sure?”**

**BB gave his other best friend a sad smile. “Because she’s the strongest person I know.”**

 

*****

An unknown figure watched Beast Boy and Cyborg as they chatted outside Ravens room. It then turned to the next screen and watched the comforter move as the witch shifted under it. “It’s almost time for the next stage of our plan. The cracks are beginning to show. It’s time to see how strong their bonds really are.” Another figure moved out of the shadows and nodded to the first and moved away to update their counterpart. The first figure continued to watch the screen showing Raven’s room. It slid its thumb over the screen. “Soon, my love. We will be together soon.” It chuckled under its breath as the drama continued to unfold.


	10. Destruction- NSFW

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

***Warning: Smut-ish Stuff Ahead!***

**_Darkness surrounded BB, but he wasn’t afraid. His eyes started to adjust when he felt something brush against him. He turned and felt a hand glide along his spine and he shivered. He noticed a doorway in front of him and moved towards it then stopped in his tracks. A woman was leaning against it. Before he could move a man was pressing her against it and kissing her. A man that looked like he would if he was still completely human. What he looked like with his holo-ring on._ **

**_He stilled. He realised it was a dream. A dream he remembered having more and more frequently. He knew there was something his mind was trying to tell him, but he couldn’t work out what it was. He knew the woman was Terra, but something about that struck him as false. He stopped trying to see her face, and instead tried to discover something that could prove Terra was telling the truth. “Gar…” His head shot up as the woman against the door moaned his name. He looked at her, really looked at her and realised his counter-part was gone and she was staring at him._ **

**_Violet eyes enchanted him and he felt himself move towards her and bring her into an embrace. BB pressed her soft lifts to his and gave himself over to the feelings she invoked in him. He kissed down her neck and tried to stifle the sense of satisfaction he got when she moaned again. He ran her hair through his fingers. It was purple, then blonde, then purple again. His mind tried to tell him something but his head was too clouded with lust. “Gar…please!” He looked up into her face and he realised he was staring at Raven. She smiled at him and tried to pull him against her. He went willingly, wanting to be close to her even if it was only in his dreams._ **

**_“Gar, you have to remember.” He pulled back and his heart froze when he realised she was crying. He placed his hand on her face and before his eyes she turned into Terra. She pulled him into a savage kiss and impaled herself onto his cock. Her head tilted back as he pinned her to the door and thrust into her wildly. It felt wrong somehow. Something niggled the back of his mind and he paused in his ministrations to look behind him._ **

**_Rae was sitting on the bed, hugging her knees as she watched them, tears running down her cheeks. When his eyes connected with hers, she dropped her head onto her knees and her body shook as she wept. He tried to move away from Terra, but she held him fast. “I am the one you want. I’m the one you’ve mourned for so long. Would you really give me up for that monster?”_ **

**_He pulled away from her as what she said sunk in. “She isn’t a monster.” He turned to comfort Rae, but she was gone. He spun back to Terra. He took a step towards her, not realising Rae was in her arms, a knife against her throat until it was too late._ **

**_“You should have stayed with me.” He shouted in anguish as Terra swiftly drew the knife across her prisoner’s throat and BB caught Rae as she fell. He watched helplessly as he watched her bleed to death._ **

**_“No, no, no, no!” He chanted under his breath as he watched the light go out of her eyes. He heard Terra chuckle behind him as he held Rae to his chest and rocked back and forth with her cradled in his arms._ **

****

**BB woke up in a pool of sweat, trying to shake the nightmare out of his head. He had been having that dream every day this week and every time it ended in tragedy. He knew that Terra would never hurt Raven, but his subconscious didn’t seem to agree with him. He just couldn’t figure out why Raven featured so prominently in his dreams. He tried to tell himself that it was just because she was the woman he was closest to. The person who he trusted most in the world. But he had to admit that her role in his dreams was hardly platonic. Just thinking about it now; her moaning his name and her clever wandering hands, had him as hard as a rock. He couldn’t even use sexual frustration as an excuse because Terra was wearing him out most nights. He had even taken to using studying as an excuse and staying in his apartment near campus just so he could get some sleep every once in a while.**

**He hadn’t told Terra about the apartment. He hadn’t told anyone. Except Dick, but only after he turned up on his doorstep with Chinese food and zombie-slasher DVD’s Star had refused to have in the Tower. When he turned 21 he had been surprised when his grandfathers’ lawyer had gotten in touch with him and told him he was the old-mans’ only heir. BB would have given anything to have some kind of family when his parents died, and to realise that the one family member he had didn’t care enough to want any place in his life irked him. He couldn’t believe it when the lawyer gave him a list detailing everything he had inherited. Houses in almost every capital city in the world, a jet, a 50-foot yacht and more money than he could ever spend. He hadn’t known what to do with that kind of wealth. He was a simple guy, and as long as most of his basic needs (and a few video games) were met he was happy. So he sold the yacht and the jet and gave most of the money to charities he thought his parents would approve of. He kept the properties and put the rental money into an account for his personal use. He wasn’t a saint after all.**

**He used some of the money to help out his friends when they needed it as well. He and Dick had discussed it and BB now split the teams’ expenses with Dick, both of them having more ‘inheritance’ than they knew what to do with. Terra’s trip to Paris had also been on his dime, not the Titans. He had used some of his money as ‘scholarships’ for his friends so they didn’t have to worry about student loans.**

**His favourite thing he had bought, though, was Raven’s anklet. He had designed it himself. He had wanted to give her something tangible to show how much she meant to him, how much he appreciated her council and friendship through the years. He couldn’t count how many times he had gone to her in the middle of the night after he’d had nightmares about his past. Nightmares as bad as the ones he was currently suffering, but for different reasons. She had only grumbled the first few times; after that she would just open her door, go back to bed, not making a fuss when he climbed onto the covers to sleep next to her. But only in animal form. It was the only way she would let him near her bed, and he was kind of happy she would give him comfort without the questions the others would have asked him. He knew he could talk to her about things that he felt shy talking to the others about. Talking to her was like talking to a priest, but without the celibacy.**

**He had gone to over fifteen jewellers before he found one that had met his suddenly high standards. It was a delicate platinum chain with seven beautiful sapphires evenly spaced with a small cursive ‘R’ in the middle. When he saw the finished product, he knew she would love it. Even so, he had sent it to her anonymously. He didn’t wasn’t anyone questioning where he had gotten the money for such an expensive gift. He also didn’t want to answer questions on why he had bought it for her in the first place. If he told them they would misunderstand the gesture as something it wasn’t. He had bought it as a thank-you, not because he wanted something more from her. They wouldn’t believe him.**

**Sometimes neither did he.**

**The only thing he had kept for himself, besides a small amount of the money, was the apartment near the Jump U campus. It was his sanctuary. He used it when everything started getting a little too much for him to deal with. Or when his nypho girlfriend refused to let him sleep.**

**BB ran his hands through his hair and groaned. For as long as he could remember, he had wanted Terra in his life. Now he had her back, it didn’t feel like he thought it would. There were times where she was like the old Terra, they’d watch movies together and laugh at the same stupid jokes. Then there were times when it was like she flipped a switch and became a completely different person. She would make strange comments about his friends that would put his back up. She’d made offhand observations about Raven in particular that had made him leave the room, or run the risk of losing it. Ever since their battle with Slade, Terra had been subtly trying to separate him from the Team and he didn’t like it. He didn’t know what was worse; that she thought so little of the people he called family, or the fact that she seemed to think he was that easy to manipulate. Either way, her attitude would have to change soon, or they might not have a future together.**

**BB got up and moved out of the room towards the kitchen for some breakfast, pausing at his photo wall. He had copies of his most precious pictures on the wall; the few he had of his parents before they died, team photos both in and out of their uniforms, a photo of him and Terra from before, and different pictures of him and his superhero friends through the years. In the centre of it all was a copy of the strip of photos of him and Raven with a giant stuffed chicken from the pier, the same one on her vanity mirror.  BB sighed as he looked over at the clock on the living room wall. Just enough time to have some breakfast before getting back to the Tower for morning training. _Sometimes Dick lives up to his name._**

*****

Raven blinked at the numbers winking on her alarm clock before turning over in her bed. After a repeat of her nightmare last night, it had taken her forever to get back to sleep. She hadn’t left her room in days and she suspected that her friends would start to get worried soon, if they weren’t already. She used her powers to find her friends and realised they were all in the training room, a perfect time to have a shower, get something to eat and get back to her room without any of them noticing.

Raven threw back the comforter and carefully got out bed. She made her way to her door stepping around the debris that was strewn around her room as she went. The nightmare was coming almost every night now, and seemed to be getting more and more vivid. The changes to the nightmare had only started a couple of weeks ago, making her less inclined to sleep. BB had tried to help by being for there for her during the night, but it had not gone over well with his girlfriend. Raven understood; if he was hers she wouldn’t be inclined to share him with another either. But he wasn’t hers and he never would be, she needed to accept that.

 _Accepting it isn’t the problem, moving on is._ Nobody likes a know-it-all Knowledge. Sometimes it annoyed her to no end that Knowledge ignored her other emotions and went with cool, hard facts. A throw-back to the person she used to be. The person she was starting to become again. If it was so easy to forget about her green friend she would have done it years ago.

She rushed to the bathroom for a quick shower, not bothering to dry her hair, putting it into a bun instead and she made her way to the kitchen for something to eat and some tea. She had just put the kettle on to boil when she heard a noise behind her. She spun around and had to grab the bench when dizziness nearly overwhelmed her. “Whoa there Raven, I didn’t mean to startle you.” She felt his hands grab her upper-arms to steady her. She looked up into impossibly green eyes and tried to stop herself from swaying towards him.

If she wasn’t already dizzy, his scent would make her head spin. He always smelled like a forest; pine-needles and earth. When she realised that if she was close enough to smell him, the opposite was also true, she pulled out of his grasp. BB rubbed the back of his neck and tried and failed to keep the hurt from crossing his face. Raven bit the inside of her lip and hardened herself against the pull he seemed to have over her. _You are a badass half-demon superhero, damn it! Show some spine._ It was not a good day when Anger and Bravery were in agreement. Raven straightened and turned away from him as the kettle boiled.

“I haven’t seen you around lately.” She could feel him watching her as she turned to face him, leaning against the bench near the stove as she had done so many times before. How many times had they stood talking like this in the kitchen? Her fixing her tea and him leaning against the island while they just talked. It seemed like a millennium ago now. A different life.

“I’ve been catching up with my studies, I got a little lax for a while and now I have to play catch-up.” It was a lie. She had finished a semesters worth of work in just two weeks because it was easier to focus on that instead of the mess that was her life. The last few weeks had consisted of homework, broken sleep and the occasional trip to the bathroom and kitchen when she knew everyone was out or sleeping. She knew it wasn’t fair to avoid her friends, but she just needed some time to herself for a while.

The nightmares were really starting to mess with her head and her emotions. When her emotions were out of control, so were her powers. The last thing any of them needed was for her to lose control and black-out half the city. She realised then that he was staring at her. “What?” He shook his head, dropping his gaze. “Nothing, you just sound like…” Raven leant against the counter and waited for him to continue. “You are starting to sound like you did when we first started the team. You know, the monotone.” Raven was hoping the team wouldn’t notice her sudden regression but apparently, that was too much to ask for. “I’m just dealing with a few things at the moment, BB. I need to keep my emotions under control.” He flinched, which puzzled her. “Why do you keep calling me that?”  

“Calling you what?” He looked at her again and her stomach dropped at the mix of emotions in his gaze. “Why do you keep calling me BB?” She looked at him in confusion. “Because it’s your name?” He rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding her gaze again. “It’s just that it was originally Terra’s nickname for me, and you never really used it much until lately.”

Raven’s heart clenched as she realised what he was trying to tell her. “I’m sorry Beast Boy, I didn’t know it made you uncomfortable.” Raven added honey to the Terra tea and left the room before she broke down. _So much for being a badass half-demon superhero._

*****

**_How could that have possibly gone worse?_ BB softly thumped his head against the island over and over again as he replayed the words that had sent the empath from the room. Why was it that when it came to trying to talk to Raven lately, the words got jumbled between his brain and his mouth? He had meant to ask her why she had stopped calling him Gar, and instead made it sound like he had a problem with her using his nickname. He shouldn’t of mentioned Terra. She might have been the first one to use it, but it had stuck pretty fast and now everyone called him BB. Beast Boy took too long to say in casual conversation. And when telling him to watch out for whatever was trying to kill/injure him at the time. **

**“When you put your foot in your mouth, you go to the ankle.” BB rubbed his forehead as he was startled into hitting it on the island harder than he intended. He looked over at the team leader who was apparently unhappy that BB had skipped out on training.**

**In his defence, he had been on the way to his room to change into his uniform when he had decided to check in on Raven. Now days he was the only one she would let into her room to check on her. Not that she could actually keep him out, since he could change into a fly and use the vents to check on her if he was desperate enough. But the fact that she would only let him in when she kept everyone else at a distance made him feel weirdly happy. He could finally be there in the same way she had been there for him. If she let him after this. He had gone to check on her after he had gotten to the Tower. Noticing she wasn’t in her room he had gone in search of her and found her in the kitchen.**

**Stupidity followed.**

**“Was it really that bad?” BB asked, hopeful he was just exaggerating how bad it had sounded. Dick sat on one of the barstools and faced him. “It sounded like you were gently telling Raven off for using a term of endearment only Terra can use. I’m not sure ‘bad’ is the word for it.” BB groaned as his head fell forward onto the island again, yelping when it hit the same bruised spot again.**

**“I didn’t mean it how it sounded. It’s just that…Raven stopped calling me BB a while ago and I wanted to know why she started using it again stead of calling me Gar like she usually does.” Dick tilted his head. “Maybe it’s because Terra’s here? Raven knows Terra doesn’t know your real name and probably doesn’t want you to have to tell her unless you’re ready.”**

**BB sat up straighter, his mood lightening at the possibility that Raven wasn’t mad at him. Until he opened his mouth anyway. He had learnt that the last person he wanted to be mad at him was Raven. For multiple reasons. Mainly because he liked his organs on the inside.**

**“I guess that’s true, I’ve never really told anyone my birth name because it’s feels like it belongs to someone else. I stopped being Garfield Logan a long time ago, and pretending like I’m still him is kind of weird. The Team and Doom Patrol are the only ones who know about him and I’m not ready for anyone else to know. I may never be OK with it. Is it weird that I have no intention of letting Terra in on my secret identity?” Dick shifted in his seat.**

**Dick had agreed, on Star’s insistence, to show certain pre-arranged tells so his friends weren’t always in the dark on what he was thinking. To anyone else, it looked like he was unsure, his friends however knew to prepare themselves for a lecture. “I can’t tell you one way or the other. It’s your relationship and your secret, so I can’t tell you who to let in on it. I do warn you though, if Terra finds out that we know something like this about you, let alone that Raven does, she will not be happy about it. It might be hypocritical given her history, but no girlfriend likes it when other people know more about her boyfriend than she does.” BB nodded his head as he listened to the sage advice of his teammate.**

**“That being said, I’d follow your instincts on this one. If you don’t feel that comfortable with Terra yet, then don’t say anything. Trust is a tough thing to rebuild, and it takes time and patience to build back up. Trust me, I know.” With his wisdom dispersed, Dick moved towards the doorway leading to the training room. He turned at the doorway. “Oh, and get your ass in gear and get to the training room in 5 minutes or you’ll be doing another 2 hours on the obstacle course. On high difficulty.” BB felt a shiver go down his spine at the Boy Wonders’ terrifying smirk and dashed to his room to change, not willing to call Dick’s bluff.**

*****

_No, please. Not again. Raven was in the park. The sun was warm on her skin and people were enjoying the beautiful day. Then, as always, they abruptly started to scream and run as they pointed at her. She looked down at herself to find she had changed. The darker part of herself had taken over and had transformed her form into a creature of darkness. “Mummy?” Raven willed herself to ignore the voice. The voice of her son that never survived this dream. Another voice joined the first and turned her heart to ice “Rae? What are you doing?!” Raven couldn’t stop herself from turning and she saw Gar standing in front of their son. Protection him. From her. She called on all of her willpower, all of her powers to try to wake herself from the nightmare or at least change the outcome she knew was inevitable. Neither happened._

_Raven watched powerlessly as her arm shot out and struck Gar aside before skewering his smaller version with her claws. “NOO! Stop, you’re killing him! Raven put him down! Put him down you monster!” Raven felt each of his words pierce her heart as she watched her son once again die because of her. She cried out, trying to exert some control over her body as it turned towards the changeling and moved towards him. He didn’t run, staring her in the eye as she killed him the same way she had their son._

_It felt so real. She could feel the blood dripping down her claws. Feel his heart slow, then stop. Sense the fear and hatred coming at her from all sides. The dream didn’t end with Gar’s death like it usually did. She didn’t know she could feel this much pain and survive. Her heart felt like it was being crushed and shattered at the same time, and yet it was still beating._

_She tore her gaze from his still form and looked up into the cold glare of her friends and teammates. “You destroy everything you touch.” Raven reared back as if struck as they spoke as one and condemned her as they took in her blood-soaked form. A movement in the corner of her eye made her spin and sob as Gar slowly rose and started to walk towards her. She realised belatedly that she had changed back into her human form, but was more focused on her dead love to really notice._

_“You are a monster, Raven. An abomination. A freak that hurts the people around you because you’re too needy to realise how much you are tainting others just by being near them.” Raven felt every word, every hateful accusation soak into her skin as she backed away from the venomous taunts of the people she called family. She had been hated and feared most of her life, had even heard similar comments from people who had issues with someone like her thinking she could be a ‘hero’._

_She had never thought, though, that she would hear such things from the people she trusted most. Their opinion of her mattered. How they saw her mattered. It gave her hope of redemption when people like them could look at her and see the person behind the scary powers and half-demon blood. She knew it was a dream, but some part of her believed that the real versions of her friends felt the same way deep down. The world around her started to shimmer and she felt someone grabbing her shoulder and shaking her. “Raven.” She looked over at the boy wonder, confused how she could feel him shaking her when he was metres away from her. “RAVEN WAKE UP!”_

Raven shot up, barely missing head-butting Dick as she tried to adjust between her dream and reality. She looked at her friend and realised he was giving her a similar look of fear as his dream counter-part.

“Raven, what the hell?” She looked at him, confused by the rare outburst from the usually controlled man, when she took a good look at the room around her. More than the usual chaos surrounded her. After her conversation with BB she had drunk her tea and gone back to bed, where she was once again haunted by nightmares. Raven took a moment to compose herself as she took in the destruction her powers had wrought while she was dreaming. The usual books and papers were strewn about, but she could see more damage outside her doorway. She ignored Dicks orders to stay put, realising belatedly that he was covered in dirt and what suspiciously looked like blood. She hurried to the hallway and had to use her hand to stifle the gasp.

The hallway was caved in on one end, the other barely stable as large chunks looked like they had been ripped out of it by a huge force. Raven flew down the passageway and froze in her tracks when she saw the common room. Not one piece of furniture was left untouched. Most were a splintered mess, some were missing. Possibly thrown through one of the many shattered windows. The windows that weren’t completely shattered, had large cracks that were barely holding it together.

 _Who could have done this? Slade? Hive 5?_ Raven went through a mental list of anyone with the pull or balls to attack the Titans on their home ground, very few came to mind. Raven saw splatters of blood and almost gagged as she rushed through the room, following the path of blood to the infirmary.

She braced herself outside the door, taking a deep breath to settle her nerves. She flinched as someone put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder at Dick, and opened the door. Cy was rustling through their medical supplies in the corner furthest from the beds, a bandage covering his head. Star was sitting on the bed on the left, small cuts and scrapes criss-crossed her usually flawless skin, her arm in a sling. It was the still green form on the other bed that affected Raven the most.

BB was lying under the blanket of the other bed, unconscious. His shirt had been cut away and discarded on the floor, most of his exposed skin covered in bandages. The machines beeping softly in the background the only indicator he was still alive. Raven moved towards him, fear coursing through her. It felt like a dream. Like a horrible nightmare she wanted desperately to wake from. Images of her earlier nightmares came to her, but she forced them back, not wanting to think of him as dead. Raven moved to the left side of his bed, taking his much larger hand in her own.

“Don’t touch him.” Raven jumped as she finally acknowledged the person on the other side of his bed, venom dripping from her words. “Terra, I…” Terra moved towards her, grabbing her arm and pulling Raven from the room. Dick moved as if to intervene, but Raven waved him back. He needed to be there for his fiancé.

As soon as they left the infirmary, Terra dropped her hold on Raven’s arm as if it had burned her. “How could you do this?” Raven leaned against the wall, trying to block out the emotions radiating off her friends like she usually did. She rarely tapped into her friend’s emotions, usually only when she wanted to know who was on the other side of her bedroom door, or when what they were feeling was so strong it came off them in waves. It always felt like an invasion of privacy when she read them without permission. That being said, when they were in a highly emotional state, their emotions tended to bleed through the barriers she erected around her mind to protect herself.

Today was one of those days. Terra was PISSED. “What do you mean, I was in my room.” Terra glared at her, her hands clenching and unclenching. “Well, unless someone else has figured out a way to mimic your creepy dark energy, then you are the one who destroyed the Tower.” _No!_ Raven took a step back, not wanting the earth-movers’ accusations to be true, but knew how unstable her powers were becoming.

“No, I didn’t…I wouldn’t do this! Why would I destroy my own home? My family?” Raven tried to wrap her mind around the chaos around her, the destruction, the pain. The very thought that she could have been the one to do this to her team…it made her feel sick. “I don’t know why, all I know was the rest of us were in the common room when black energy started covering everything and the room just sort of imploded. Bits of wall and glass shot everywhere, it’s a miracle no-one died. You are the only person I know with that kind of power. What were you thinking letting it loose in the Tower? Don’t you care about your ‘so-called’ friends? What kind of person does that?”

The hallway around her started to spin and Raven braced herself against the wall. _She_ had done this? She had caused this destruction? She had hurt her friends? Terra’s question spun in her head. _What kind of person does that?_ Only one kind Raven knew of. A monster. She had lost control of her powers, again, and her friends had paid for it, again. Raven didn’t trust herself to teleport, so she left a seething Terra and quickly ran to her room to pack a bag. Whether or not she meant to, she had put her family at risk. She wasn’t willing to chance it happening a second time. Raven packed the bare essentials; a few changes of clothes, her purse, her secret stash of emergency money, a few odds and ends her friends had given her through the years. She rushed over to her vanity and grabbed her favourite picture of the team together in the common room.

Wally had taken it, he said he had wanted a picture of all of them just being themselves. Dick was going over battle plans while Star cuddled Silkie next to him, causally holding hands when they thought no-one was paying attention. Cy and BB were on the other couch finishing a heated round of video-games. Cy was in the middle of a Boo-Yah of victory while the green-bean was looking at Raven for sympathy who was ignoring everyone while she read one of her books. It was her favourite picture of them. It was a picture from when everything was simple. Well, simpler than it was now. Raven packed it before hesitating and carefully taking down the picture of her and BB from the pier. Raven looked around her room, possibly for the last time and made her way to the common room. She stood in the middle of the room, nearly in tears at the destruction she had done to the only places that had ever felt like home to her.

Raven centred herself, shutting off her emotions before using her powers to repair the damage she had done. Satisfied with her clean-up, she quickly moved to the infirmary. She dropped her bag outside the door as she moved into the room. She paused before slowly lowering the barriers that kept their emotions at bay. Her heart broke as she felt the pain and fear coming off her friends, wishing that she was someone they didn’t have to be afraid of, but she was. She moved cautiously towards her friends; first Cy, who was looking at scans on the computer in his arm, Dick who was holding Stars’ good hand while she lay down in one of the spare beds and finally BB who was still unconscious. She healed the worst of the damage as best she could, the clean-up taking a lot out of her.

She pretended not to notice the way they flinched as she drew closer to them. Except BB, but that was because he was out cold. Raven stood beside his bed and gently touched his arm, willing the last few remnants of her power to heal him. Raven’s heart hurt with every contusion, every cut, every broken bone she healed. She had done this to him. She had almost killed the man she was in love with. As she healed the nasty cut on his head, she ignored her friends’ stares as she moved out of the room and picked up her bag, placed her communicator on the kitchen island and took one last look at her home before she slipped on her holo-ring and took the secret-passage to the mainland. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but it would be where she couldn’t hurt anyone else she cared about.


	11. That Old Loving Feeling

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

 

**“What do you mean she left? Where the hell did she go and why didn’t you stop her?” BB tried to fight against Cy’s hand as the tin man tried to keep him in his bed in the infirmary. Dick, Star, Cy and Terra were gathered around his bed, holding a team meeting there since Cy still hadn’t given BB the all clear.**

**“It’s not like she told us she was going, she just left. I doubt we could have stopped her anyway.” BB wasn’t sure why, but something told him that Dick wasn’t telling him everything. Years of working as a team had given him clues on what to look for when one of his team-mates was hiding something, and BB _knew_ they were holding something back. **

**“What happened? What made her leave?” They shuffled their feet, none of them looking him in the eye. _This can’t be good._ It was Terra who finally decided to fill him in. “BB, Raven lost control of her powers and nearly destroyed the Tower and all of us along with it.”**

**BB shook his head in denial. “That’s a lie! She hasn’t lost control in years. Since we defeated Trigon, her powers have been way more stable. What could have set her off?” Star gently held his hand, BB ignored the glare Terra sent her way and looked at his friend.**

**“Friend Beast Boy, Raven had suffered a great loss and it is not something she is likely to ‘get over’ quickly.” BB gripped her hand. “I know it’s been rough on her, but I can’t imagine that she would intentionally destroy the Tower, especially when she was still in here along with us.” Terra not so gently nudged Star out of the way and took her place next to him, taking his hand from her.**

**“I hate to say this BB, she’s my friend too, but you have to admit that she hasn’t been herself lately. Who knows why she did it. All we know is that she nearly destroyed the Tower, nearly killed us all and then ran. That says about all I need to know about it.” BB pulled his hand from hers, looking away from her before he said or did something he might regret later. Terra just didn’t know Raven like the rest of them did. Like he did. Raven would never hurt them; they were the only family she had. Cy sighed, shooing them from the room so BB could rest. BB waited till they were all gone before he turned to his friend for answers.**

**“What really happened? Where was she when she supposedly decided to go on a rampage?” Cy looked at the clip board in front of him, not meeting the changeling’s eyes. “Dick says she was asleep in her room. He had to shake her for a good 5 minutes before he got a response from her. He says she looked terrified when she finally woke up, had no clue her powers were running amok.” BB searched his brain, trying to figure out what the hell was going on and was coming up blank. This was why the Boy Wonder usually handled the problem solving. BB wasn’t dumb, but his areas of expertise was generally in video games, movies and zoology.**

**“If you ask me, what really broke her was when she realised how badly you were hurt.” BB’s head shot up, trying to find the meaning behind the deceptively plain statement. “What do you mean? I just got a little bump to the head when the punching bag fell on me. Why would that freak her out?” Cy looked at him puzzled. He walked over and handed the chart he had been reading to his friend.**

**BB might not know a lot of medical jargon, apart from what he had learnt when he secretly binged on the soap-opera set in an emergency room in a big city hospital staffed entirely by good-looking 20 somethings. He did however understand words like ‘combination fractures’ ‘internal bleeding’ ‘punctured lung’ and ‘severe concussion’. He didn’t realise his injuries were so bad, no wonder Raven had freaked. He would too if he thought his powers had led to her sustaining these kinds of injuries.**

**Something didn’t make sense though. “How did I get these kinds of injuries from a punching bag knocking me out?” Cy still looked puzzled. “Why do you think you were hit by a punching bag. Terra said you two were having some ‘alone time’ in the common room when everything started to shake. A beam started to fall, and you pushed her out of the way accidentally knocking her out in the process. When she came too you were trapped under beams and debris. She was worried she was too late when she lifted it all off you. It took her a while to find you under everything, but she got you here as soon as possible.” _I could of sworn…_ BB resisted the urge to shake his head, knowing that even with Raven healing him he would still be uncomfortable for the next few days. **

**He tried to focus on the topic at hand. “So let me get this straight. She dreams something bad enough that her powers go wonky and start destroying the Tower with us getting caught in the middle. Dick wakes her up, drags her through the wreckage and brings her to the infirmary where she sees her friends, who she had inadvertently hurt and you guys just let her walk away without question? Did I miss anything?”**

**Cy fiddled with the readout on his arm before answering, avoiding his friends gaze. “Well, no-one except you was really seriously hurt. Star injured her shoulder trying to clear a path to Silkie, but the worst the rest of us got were some scrapes and bruises. I thought Raven was going to pass-out when she saw you, I didn’t know she could get that pale. Terra pulled her outside and tried to calm her down, but Raven just lost it with her. I wasn’t close enough to hear anything but apparently Raven made some comments about Terra not pulling her weight with her powers to protect you. Terra tried to blow it off, but I think seeing you hurt so badly really shook her, and Raven chewing her out didn’t help.”**

**BB couldn’t seem to focus. Why would Terra suddenly try to comfort Raven when she had been saying she was terrified of the empath for weeks now? “So she just left? No note, no goodbye’s, no clue of where she’s going or when she’s coming back? Why would she just leave us? We are her family. If she’s going through something, she knows she can count on us to support her so why did she leave?” He was getting that feeling again, the one that warned him that his friend was hiding something. BB had Cy’s tells down pat after their first poker night and the tin-man’s body language was screaming secret. BB got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “You did tell her we didn’t blame her for this right? You did reassure her we were there for her, didn’t you?” The guilty look on his friend’s face said it all. Somehow their faith in their team-mate and friend had been shaken and now she was scared and all alone with her powers on the blink.**

**_Please contact us soon so we know you’re OK._ **

*****

*2 Months Later*

“If you need help finding anything else, just let me know.” Raven faked a smile at the customer before going back to setting up the display for the newly arrived books. She tried not to roll her eyes at the busty heroine in the arms of the shirtless and ripped hero on the cover. _Starfire would love this._ Raven pushed down the pang of loneliness as she thought of her ever-cheerful friend. Star’s collection of trashy romance novels filled most of the space under her bed. Raven could still remember Dick’s reaction when he found her collection. Especially after he actually read some of them. Raven didn’t think his blush would ever go away.

Raven sighed as she finished the display and looked at her watch. Just five more minutes and her shift was over. She stood up and stretched to work the kinks out of her back. “Not a bad view. And I though book-stores were supposed to be boring.” Raven stilled before she recognised the voice and smiled. She turned to face the red-haired Titan. “I hate to tell you this, but you lose most of your appeal without the mask and bow. Not that you had that much to begin with but still…” Roy chuckled as he pushed off from the column he was keeping upright and moved towards her. “Your shift ended yet, Rach?” Raven resisted the urge to cross her arms and raise her eyebrow.

She had to remember that she wasn’t Raven anymore, she was Rachel Roth full-time now. She had originally thought it was a dumb idea to use an identity her friends knew about, but Roy had convinced her that Nightwing would assume she had burnt that identity when she left, and he probably wouldn’t look for her in Star City anyway. Even now, she didn’t know how Roy had found her before Dick, but she was extremely happy he had. Roy didn’t lecture her or try to convince her that his way was best. He just told her that if she wanted to start a new life, he had the resources to help her. And so she moved to Star City as Rachel Roth.

Roy had run it past his former mentor who had no problem with her being there. He had even taken her up on her offer, reluctantly, to heal any bad scrapes he got himself into. Roy had even convinced Raven to go see Black Canary twice a week to work through her ‘issues’ as he liked to call them. Roy didn’t know the full story, but he had apparently heard enough to push her to get professional help before she blew up an entire city. And it was helping. Talking to someone who wasn’t a part of the mess and who was objective was helping. And though she still doubted she would really ever be able to forgive herself, she hadn’t lost control of her powers since shortly after she left the Tower and the nightmares had all but stopped. She still woke up sometimes in the middle of the night drenched in sweat after dreaming of a handsome green someone, but nobody was perfect.

Raven brushed off her knees. “I just need to get my stuff and we can head out.” Roy nodded as Raven went into the employee only part of the store. It had really surprised her when, a month and a half ago Roy had turned up on the doorstep of the crummy apartment she was renting and offered his help no string attached. It had taken a lot of convincing on his part for her to trust that he really didn’t want anything from her, but eventually she gave in and let him help her. Now she was living in an apartment Green Arrow had bought Roy years ago, and she was supporting herself with the money she made in a small family owned bookstore. The employee discount was just a bonus. Every week or so Roy came to town and they had dinner out so he could make sure she was ok, and she could ‘subtly’ ask about her friends. He was even slowly bringing her stuff from her old room. She didn’t know how he kept getting into the Tower, and she didn’t want to ask. She had her suspicions that Wally, or someone else, was helping him out. Either way she was slowly getting everything she needed to start a new life and leave her old one behind.

As Raven moved through the staff kitchen, the news report caught her eye. A news story was running about another award that the team was receiving. She could still remember the arguments about Dick always receiving the awards, leading to a ‘Random Challenge Generator’ to be created by Cy so they could compete to see who received it. Dick almost always won. This time BB must have tied because they stood next to each other on the stage while receiving the plaque. Raven dragged her eyes away and stifled the pain. She grabbed her stuff, moved through the store and smiled at Roy as they walked out into the street together and made their way to the restaurant where they were meeting Roy’s mysterious girlfriend for the first time.

For the last few weeks, Roy had been hinting that he had met someone. Raven wasn’t really buying it but she was happy to meet the mystery woman, if she did in fact exist. It would have to be a special kind of woman to keep Roy in line or at least in his own pants. From the way Roy talked about her Raven doubted he was likely to stray. The woman didn’t seem the type to put up with it.

Roy held the door open for her at her favourite Italian restaurant and Raven’s eyes skimmed the crowd, looking for Roy’s possible girlfriends when a familiar energy spike stopped her. “Is that Cheshire?”

*****

**“I know where Raven is.” With one simple sentence, Roy had the attention of everyone in the room. “What do mean you know where she is? Since when? How could you find her when we’ve looked for her everywhere and found nothing?” BB nodded his head as Dick peppered the archer with questions he’d like the answers to himself. Roy shrugged and crossed his arms. Silence filled the room when he didn’t answer immediately.**

**“At least tell us Friend Raven is well.” A small amount of Roys usual cockiness left him at the alien girl’s tearful plea. Their friend’s absence had been hitting everyone hard; but Dick, Star and Cy had been hit with equal amounts of sadness and guilt. They blamed themselves for not realising her intentions sooner and not telling her that they didn’t think she had intentionally tried to hurt them. BB felt bad but he partially blamed them too. If he had been conscious, he would have made sure Raven knew they didn’t hate or fear her because her powers acted out when she was having a nightmare. BB focused again on Roy as he cleared his throat.**

**“She’s fine. She’s been staying at my place while she figures everything out.” BB tried to supress the growl that was fighting to escape. Raven was staying with Roy? Last time he checked, Speedy was still a man-whore and Raven was in an emotionally fragile state. Roy could be an ass but he wasn’t taking advantage, was he? “Why would she be staying with you? For how long?” BB was glad he wasn’t the only one who had a problem with Roy and Raven living together.**

**If Cy’s tone was anything to go by, he was in big-brother mode. “Relax tin-man, it’s not like that. I found her a couple of weeks after she left you guys and offered her my place. I’m almost never there but my…dad hired a cleaner to come once a week and everything, so it wasn’t like it was a huge inconvenience. I was just looking out for her since no-one else was.”**

**BB didn’t bother to supress the growl this time as he lunged for the cocky archer. Only Cy’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Hit a nerve, did I? Good.” Cy pushed down harder on BB’s shoulder, making him wince as he fought the urge to rip Roy’s throat out. “When can we see her?” BB calmed as Dick took control of the conversation again.**

**“I don’t think that’s a good idea. She says she isn’t ready, and I don’t want to push her.”**

**“What do you mean she does not wish to see us? We are her family!” Star looked about ready to burst into tears as Dick wrapped his arms around her to try and comfort her.**

**“Look, I don’t know everything that happened, all I do know is how she’s been the last few weeks. I’ve only see her a few times a month but she doesn’t look like she’s been sleeping or eating  a lot. I convinced her to see someone, but even that was a battle. I mean she’s slowly getting better, but the fact that she was in such a state to begin with when she was with her ‘family’ is a bit disturbing. If that’s how people react to you guys treating them like family, I’d hate to see your enemies.” Roy was lucky Dick stopped him before he became a stain on the carpet. “Look, I just wanted to tell you she was OK, that’s it. She didn’t want you guys to worry but she needs her space for a while. Now my friend duty is done, I’ve got a date with a hot brunette.” _That’s it, hair-boy is going down!_ Thankfully Roy left before BB could get free of Cy and Dick’s hold. “Calm down green-bean. She’s safe, that’s all that matters.” That was easy for Cy to say, he wasn’t the one with his heart ripped out. **

**Since Raven left, nothing seemed right. He rarely spent any time with the Titans outside official activities. He hadn’t been seeing Terra very often either. She had started to get really jealous and possessive and it was driving him nuts. He couldn’t even talk to Star without Terra pitching a fit. Not to mention the Beast was acting weird, almost it was injured or in pain or something.**

**After Roy left, BB decided to go to his room to pick up some stuff to take back to his apartment. “Hello lover-boy. Miss me?” BB tried not to groan as he realised Terra was in his room again, waiting for him and in the mood to play. The vanilla candles weren’t having their usual effect on him, though. Instead of being overwhelmed by lust, he just felt the intense need to escape.**

**“Look Terra, I’m not really in the mood right now. I have training in like 10 minutes and then I have to get through a huge stack of homework that I’ve been putting off.” Terra apparently wasn’t going to be put off as she stalked towards him. “Come on BB, we haven’t had fun in ages. You can’t keep a girl revved up without giving her some sort of a release or she’ll explode.” BB tried not to cringe. He looked deep to try to find some lust so he could be a good boyfriend and found…nothing. He looked at Terra in shock and realised that while he had a genuine affection for her, he didn’t feel anything beyond that for the blonde.**

**All these years of yearning for her, of screwing stand-ins, and now that he actually had her it was like he had worked her out of his system. “Terra, I don’t...” Terra cut him off with a kiss, moving against him in a way that was probably meant to seduce, but just left him cold. BB didn’t know when it had happened but apparently, he was over Terra.**


	12. Revelations

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

Raven breathed in the salty air as she looked out onto the ocean. The breeze ruffled her newly shortened hair and she let her mind go blank as she basked in the simple beauty around her. The time away from the superhero life had done her some good. She had been seeing Dinah Lance twice a week and she was finally able to put some of her past behind her. She hadn’t realised how much it had been weighing on her until some of it was gone. She felt lighter somehow, without some of her mistakes holding her back. She heard noise near her and watched silently as a couple walked hand-in-hand down the beach, sneaking kisses when they thought no-one was looking. She smiled to herself, even as she felt the twinge of jealousy go through her. _Wanting something you’ll never have is pathetic._ Raven pushed Anger’s barb to the back of her mind, not allowing the venomous words to take hold. She might not ever have a relationship that would last more than a few months, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have a happy life.

When she asked Roy to let the team know she was Ok, she knew they would try to get in contact with her; which was why she was taking a small vacation to this particular beach. While they might be looking for her in Star City, they probably wouldn’t check in Jump City for a while. Their fearless leader had the tendency to miss thing that were right in front of him. Look at him and Star.

Either way she could teleport to see Dinah no matter where she ended up so she still had that to ground her. Raven knew, though, that sooner or later she would have to make a decision, for no other reason than the team might want to replace her and use her room. The thought of never being able to go home to the Tower again physically pained her but no more so than the thought of having to watch BB and Terra fall deeper in love, get married, and have kids. The thought of having to watch them build a life together made her ill. She might want him to be happy, but that didn’t mean she wanted to watch as it unfolded in front of her.

Before she did anything else, she needed to figure out if going home and being a Titan was what she really wanted, or if it was a safety net she was afraid of losing.

In the mean time she had a plane to catch. Raven looked down at the ticket in her hand, wondering if her decision to go to Africa to volunteer as an aid worker was part of his hold on her thoughts. She shook her head. No. She wanted to do something good with her powers that didn’t entail hurting people, and just because Gar…BB was the one who had told her of his childhood helping out people there didn’t mean she was doing it to be closer to him, because that would just be pathetic.

Raven internally rolled her eyes at her obvious lie and moved to join Roy at his car. He had agreed to give her a lift to the airport on the agreement that if she wasn’t going to contacts anyone else, she had to at least let him know that she was still alive on a regular basis. Somehow he had gone from man-whore she couldn’t take seriously to someone she could trust to have her back. He’d had an untraceable email address set-up in case she wanted to contact anyone other than him, and had gotten her a satellite phone so she could call if she needed help. Raven fiddled with the holo-ring on her finger. When she landed at Cape Town she would be travelling as herself. She doubted anyone would care about her purple hair, grey skin and ruby bindi when she could heal people with her hands. Until then, she wanted to get out of the city without the team trying to stop her. _If_ they would try to stop her.

She could admit, if only to herself, that she doubted her friends would ever want to see her again after what she had done. Almost killing them in her sleep would do that to any relationship. She had sent a farewell email to Cy before her trip to the beach, telling him that she was sorry, that she had never meant to hurt them and everything else she hadn’t had the nerve to say to their faces. She wasn’t sure she was strong enough to walk away again if she saw any of them face to face, especially not BB. She told Cy to apologise on her behalf to their friends and give them the email address Roy had given her that they could use to contact her if they felt like it. She wished that it would go some way to repair the damage that her silence had inflicted, but she didn’t hold out much hope that they could ever forgive her.

She wasn’t sure she could ever forgive herself.

Raven opened the car door and turned back for a final look at the Titans Tower that had been her home for over 7 years, before getting in the car. Raven sighed as Roy pulled the car into traffic and the Tower was a blur in the rear-view mirror.

Maybe it was time to move on.

*****

**BB was determined to get his mind off of the hole Raven had made in his life when she had left. He had started to work-out more, train harder and basically did anything that exhausted his mind and body enough that he could ignore the gaping hole in his heart and sleep. The dreams weren’t helping. Almost every night he was haunted by her.**

**Yesterday he had pushed it too hard and had almost broken his arm, leading to Dick banning him from all training until he got his head on straight. BB had grumbled but accepted it. He had tried to play video-games, but had lost interest in it pretty quickly. So, after a lot of grousing from their fearless leader, he had finally agreed to go through his stack of fan mail.**

**BB entered his room and eyed the mountain of letters and packages that would put Kilimanjaro to shame. He approached it carefully, worried that any sudden movement might send it all tumbling down. BB’s foot suddenly caught on one of his books and he toppled to the floor, knocking into his desk in the process. The mail scattered to all corners of his room.**

**BB cursed under his breath as he righted his waste bin. Something un-trash like caught his eye. He pulled out a small cream box with the name of a familiar hotel stamped on the lid from under some balled up paper, like someone had tried to hide it. He opened it slowly and picked up the note from inside.**

**_Dear Mr.Logan,_ **

**_When our cleaning staff were attending your room, they came across this and handed it in to be returned to you. Thank-you for your patronage and we hope you will stay at the Olympus again soon._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Mr.Murakami_ **

**_Hotel Manager_ **

**BB opened the box, pushing apart the tissue paper and froze. His breath stilled in his chest as he carefully pulled out the platinum and sapphire anklet that he had given to Raven. Why would it be in his room? The last time he could remember seeing it was when he had watched Raven entering the ballroom after everyone else at the fund-raiser. He remembered feeling happy that she had liked his gift enough to wear it out. How had it gone from her ankle to his hotel room?**

**An answer tried to make itself known, but he pushed it ruthlessly back. It couldn’t be that. It had been Terra in his room, not Raven. Terra had told him as much herself. She hadn’t wanted him to think she was just after a one-night stand for old time’s sake** **, so she snuck out of his room after they finished.**

**Even as her explanation ran through his head, something about her account of events niggled at him. It was if a fog was lifting from his mind as certain facts started to irk him. If she had been with him that night, why had she been surprised at his appearance at the Jump U campus? He had still been wearing his holo-ring when he had woken up the next morning so she should have recognised him at the campus. The entire team had been searching the crowd for Red-X, so why hadn’t one of them spotted her there? She didn’t know what their alternate appearances looked like, the holo-rings were after her time, so she wouldn’t have been able to avoid them and find him at the same time. For that matter, how had she found him in the crowd? He remembered the voice that he had been hearing everywhere, but had never been able to place it. He heard it again; moaning Gar, screaming Garfield over and over again. He could count the number of women who knew his real name on one hand.**

**Terra wasn’t one of them.**

**Raven however, was.**

**BB stumbled to his feet as memories and thoughts crashed and clanged in his head as pieces that had seemed so random, so unclear, suddenly fell into place as his mental block seemed to fall away. Raven had been distant after that night and she hadn’t wanted to be too close to him. Her holo-ring had ‘accidentally’ broken leading her to change her out-would persona. Her reaction to his flings and his relationship with Terra. She had frequently left the Tower if she knew he and Terra were there, choosing to stay with Garth and Titans East instead of at home.**

**Cases of déjà vu, her leaning against the door as he banged on Cy’s door, the feel of her body against his when he had rescued her from her poisoned chamber, the sound of his name on her lips, the unusual feeling he got when she called him Gar. It hit him then what the other scent had been, the one that had been itching the back of his mind for months. The peaches had almost masked it, but beneath it had been the scent of jasmine. He only knew of one person who wore jasmine perfume on special occasions, and it wasn’t Terra. All the pieces came together to form a damning picture and suddenly his dreams came back to him full force.**

**This time in his minds eye he could see his partner clearly as he pinned her to the door (among other places) as they had sex over and over again, before holding her in his arms as they fell asleep. He had thought the dreams of Raven had been a mixture of wish fulfilment and his worst nightmares. Now he realised that the dreams of Terra were false, the ones about Raven had been memories.**

**_Why didn’t she tell me?_ ** **Something else, another memory, surfaced as he tried to understand how Raven could hide the night they had shared together from him. _Oh, please god no!_ The words spoken between dream and sleep as the scent of peaches lingered in the air. Her body stiffening as he pulled her closer, calling her someone else’s name. He sank his head into his hands and pulled roughly at his hair. **

**He knew how hard it was for Raven to let anyone in, he was one of the lucky few. And with one sentence he had probably wounded her badly.**

**He had to know if what he was remembering was true, or just his mind trying to give him memories of a woman who had held his heart in her hands for longer than he wanted to acknowledge. BB pushed that train of thought away, moved quickly over the scattered mail and jogged to Cy’s room, banging on his door.**

**The sense of déjà vu was so strong that he looked behind him, hoping to find Raven leaning against the door, her small smile in place and eyebrow raised at him. The hallway behind him was empty and he continued to abuse the door until it finally slid open. “Dude, do you know what time it is?” Cy rubbed his human eye as he tried to wake up. “I don’t care; I want you to show me the footage from the hallway outside our rooms the night of the fund-raiser.”**

**There was something in the way Cy stilled that clued BB in to the fact that his friend knew what he was looking for. “I deleted it. I don’t really keep video files more than a couple of months unless told otherwise.” BB stared him down. “I don’t believe you. I want to see the footage, Cy. It’s important.” Cy leaned against the doorway, not moving to his computer or letting him in. They were at a stale-mate. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t know what you think you’ll find but I’m sure it’s not on the video.” BB finally lost his patience and morphed into a sparrow and flew past his friend and morphed back into himself in front of Cy’s computer. “Hey, get away from there!” BB ignored him, moving through Cy’s obsessively organised files until he came upon the file that he wanted.**

**Opening it, he fast forwarded it until about 2am when Cy had said he had heard him get back to his room. The bottom of his stomach fell out as he watched himself being supported by Raven as they made their way to his room, both obviously tipsy. He cringed as he watched himself giggle as she took the key card out of his pocket to open the door. When both of them were inside, he fast forwarded through the footage and neither emerged until he opened the door to Dick and Star the next morning. He blushed at the reminder of his lack of pants. He sat back in Cy’s chair and let it sink in. He had spent the night of the fund-raiser with Raven, not Terra. They had spent the night having sex before he blew it and she ran, not letting on after would that anything had happened between them. He had drunk-blanked-out most of the night and hadn’t known the damage he had caused the woman he loved.**

**Everything inside him stilled as he finally, at long last, acknowledged the truth.**

**He loved Raven. He loved her long purple hair, her silky pale skin, her warm violet eyes, her sweet curves, and her beautiful smile. He loved the way she didn’t even seem to know how stunning she truly was. But more than that he loved the way she would banter back and forth with him, when so many others just dismissed him as an idiot. The way she had let him cry on her shoulder and brought him back from the edge when things had gotten bad. Her dry wit. How she had gone with him to his parents’ graves when the team had gone to Africa. Her strength in the face of unbeatable odds. How she gave no thought to putting herself in danger to save someone else, even a stranger. Even when she hadn’t approved of his coping mechanism, she had always been there if he had needed to talk something out, never belittling him for struggling to move forward with his life. She was compassionate, and warm, and one of the most hopeful cynics he had ever met. She was everything he had ever wanted in his life and she was far more than he deserved.**

**BB replayed every memory he had of her since that night and he wanted to crawl into a hole and never leave. When he knew the truth, everything fell into place. She had been heartbroken and he had gone on oblivious, too wrapped up in himself to notice his friends’ pain. He had unknowingly flaunted his relationship with Terra in front of her, not realising that he could be hurting Raven by enjoying his time with Terra. A sudden thought flittered through his mind and struck him dumb.**

**He turned to face Cy, who was watching him silently from the doorway. “Tell me I’m wrong.” Cy sighed, rubbing his forehead before answering. “She didn’t want you to know about that night and…” BB stopped him. “Not about that night. I think we both know what happened then. Tell me what I’m thinking is wrong.” Cy looked at him, confused, before the lightbulb apparently went off.**

**The answer was written all over his face. BB heard a high-pitch ringing in his ears as he numbly rose from the chair and escaped from the room, ignoring Cy’s calls to wait. All this time he had been cursing Garth for getting Raven pregnant, and it was him all along. He had raged at the man for abandoning his friend when she had needed him most, and he was the callous bastard that had left her all alone to deal with her loss. He gasped for air as his lungs failed him. He staggered through a door, realising too late it wasn’t his room.**

**Ravens room.**

**He looked around and realised that some things were missing since the last time he was in here. There were less clothes in her closet and the bookcase was almost empty, but her Beast Boy piñata still had pride of place on the top shelf. After she left, he sometimes came in here to try and feel closer to her. Maybe that should have clued him in that what he felt for her was something more than friendship. Her absence had tilted his world and he was still struggling to adjust. He went to her vanity, sniffing the jasmine perfume whose scent had eluded him for months. He put it back down and moved to lie on her bed. He knew that if she ever found out he was in her room, let alone lying on her bed, she would go all rage-monster on his ass and he’d be making friends with the fishes in the bay again. At this moment, it would be worth it just to see her; just to see with his own eyes that she was OK. He’d give anything to hear her scold him, or roll her eyes at one of his dumb jokes or raise her eyebrow when he did something stupid or fought with Cy. She was his anchor, and having her gone was making the Beast restless under his skin for him to find her. It didn’t feel right to be without her for so long. He moved under her covers and basked in her scent.**

**_God, I miss you Rae._ **

*****

“You have miscalculated your hold over him.” The hooded figure turned from the screens to address the blonde standing behind him. “I don’t know what happened. The pheromones in the candles stopped working. I know he loves me, but he feels guilty about that stupid goth whore.” Terra shrunk back as the figure rose and back-handed her. “She is mine. You will not speak of her that way; do you understand?” She nodded as she wiped the blood from her mouth as he sat down again. “You used the candles too often and he grew immune. Thankfully the fear toxin in the tea worked before you overplayed your hand. The team is broken and she is vulnerable. It’s time for the next phase of my plan to begin.” Terra quickly left the room before she drew his ire again. "Soon, my love. We will be together soon and then all will bow before the might of our power."


	13. Suspicions

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

**BB thumped the boxing bag a final time, sweat dripping into his eyes after his gruelling workout. Panting, he took a swig from his water bottle before dumping the rest over his head. He hissed as he stretched, the movement pulling at the stitches on his side. It really sucked not having a healer on the team anymore. BB grimaced before he pushed the thought of her away.**

**Pulling on his shirt, he made his way to his room for a shower before changing and getting ready for patrol. His communicator pinged, telling him there was a de-briefing in the Com-room. BB walked in, the others from the team already there minus Terra.**

**After they broke-up she decided to become a satellite hero: going where her powers were most needed. BB was still trying to figure everything out, and was grateful Terra was giving him the space to wrap his head around everything. He still wasn’t sure what was real and what he had connected out of guessing and sheer want. He wanted, with every fibre of his being, to be the father of Raven’s baby even if they had lost it. The thought of her being with someone else after him and carrying their child made the Beast restless under his skin.**

**BB paused as snippets of Star and Cy’s conversation reached him. “I don’t care how much you like it Star, drowning a T-Bone steak in mustard is an insult to the chef.” Star pouted. “But friend Cyborg, is it not customary for the person eating the food to alter it to suit their tastes?” Cy was saved from a reply when the Boy Wonder interrupted them. “Nice of you to join us BB, take a seat.” BB sat on the ground near Star’s feet. Dick cleared his throat. “I thought it was time to clear the air. I know it’s been…different since Raven left and I…” BB shot up, not letting him finish. “I understand why you guys blame yourselves for her leaving, but I don’t think that was the only reason she left.” Unable to stay still, he started pacing back and forth in front of his friends.**

**“You mean because she had to deal with miscarrying the baby you two created with your one-night stand at the Olympus that you apparently forgot about, while also having to watch you and Terra start up again?” They all paused and turned to look at Dick. “Second best detective in the world, remember? You know, after Batman.”**

**BB noted the lack of reaction from Star. “Did you know too?”**

**She nodded her head. “Friend Raven told me at the hospital.”**

**BB collapsed onto the couch. “So I’m the only one who didn’t know.”**

**Star grabbed his hand with both of her own. “I do not think friend Raven wished to hurt you with her silence. I believe she simply did not wish for you to hurt as she was hurting.”**

**He looked at her, trying to hold back the tears at how much pain Raven had been in without telling him.**

**“What I don’t understand is how you didn’t figure out it was her earlier. You’re supposed to have a keen senses, how could you not realise it was her? How drunk were you?” BB wasn’t sure how to answer the question that had been bothering him as well.**

**“I thought it was Terra. She smelt like peaches like Terra did and I’ve never been with anyone on her anniversary. If all the physical evidence hadn’t been there I still would be thinking that it was just a really amazing dream. Well, until a month or so later when Terra told me it had been her.”**

**Star looked at Dick, confused. “I know friend Raven smelt of the peaches because she ran out her own body wash and used some Terra left behind. But why did Terra claim to be Beast Boys lover? How did she even know he was with someone that night?”**

**Hearing his own thoughts voiced aloud, BB tried to think of an excuse that could explain Terra’s knowledge of events that almost no-one outside the Team knew about. From the look on Dick’s face, he was drawing conclusions that the others hadn’t even imagined yet.**

**“Let’s look at some of the facts:**

  1. **Terra somehow knew about you and Raven having a one-night stand that you didn’t even remember after the fact.**
  2. **A month or so after you and Terra started dating, she told you that she was the person you had had the one night stand with. Not knowing any different, you took her at her word.**
  3. **Somehow Slade knew about Raven’s pregnancy when no-one else besides Raven, Garth and her doctor knew about it.**
  4. **He leads us into a trap and forces her to choose between saving us or saving herself and her baby.**
  5. **After the miscarriage, Raven starts to lose control of her powers to an extent that we have never seen before, even when she knew Trigon was going to use her for a portal to enslave the world. All of which happened when she was dreaming.**
  6. **One of those times, she destroyed part of the Tower and injured most of us. The guilt she felt and the perceived fear she believed we held for her caused her to run away from one of the few places she had ever called home.**



**Did I miss anything?” BB spoke up “Even though Terra claimed to be the woman I was with that night, a week later she didn’t recognise me when I bumped into her at Jump U until I spoke.” They all looked at each other, no-one sure where to go from there.**

**“So we’ve established that you were with Raven that night, and somehow Terra knew about it when she shouldn’t have and lied about it later. Not damning on its own but pretty suspicious. Now what about the pregnancy and Raven’s sudden lack of control of her powers? Let’s look at the control issue first. Besides the miscarriage, what changed in Raven’s life or routine that could account for her sudden loss of control?”**

**Hearing everything he and Raven had been through in the last 9 months made BB’s head spin. _This couldn’t possibly get any worse._ Star nibbled on her lip and raised her hand. Dick smiled and pointed at her. “Was that not the same time that Terra started to give friend Raven the special tea before she went to bed?” BB froze. _I stand corrected._**

**He counted back and had to agree with Star. Terra had been giving Raven tea since she left the hospital. Which was the same amount of time that Raven had been losing control of her powers. “At the time I thought she was just trying to be supportive, but it was still pretty weird that she was so sweet to Raven and looked out for her one minute and then asked me how I could be near someone who was so obviously unstable the next.” The others looked at him as he dropped his head into his hands. “If what we’re suggesting is true, then that means that Terra was specifically targeting Raven. What could she possibly hope to achieve?” he asked the room.**

**Cy fiddled with his thumbs as he spoke up. “I think it’s obvious what she wanted: Raven gone. And she got it too. When Slade told us Raven’s secret he put a crack in our trust of her. When Raven’s powers lashed out when she was having a nightmare, she mistook our fear; thinking we were afraid _of_ her instead of _for_ her. I don’t know about you guys but what I was most afraid of when the Tower went boom wasn’t that Raven would hurt us, but that she was starting down a slippery slope of depression she may never recover from and that the destruction was just another step backwards.” BB didn’t realise his friends had noticed her slow downfall into depression too. Stupid really when you thought about it. The 5 of them had spent the last 7 years living and fighting alongside each other. Little got past them. “But if Raven leaving is all she wanted, why did she stay so long after would?” Star twirled her hair around her finger and looked at him. “I believe one of the reasons she wished for friend Raven to leave was because she wished to be with you.” **

**“But Terra was already with me when Raven was here.” Star shook her head at his misunderstanding, her ruby coloured hair swishing before she pushed it behind her shoulder.**

**“I think what Star meant was Terra realised Raven was in love with you and therefore was a threat to your relationship with Terra, so she figured out a way to make Raven leave without suspicion falling onto her.” Dick stated.**

**Now BB shook his head, the absurdity of the thought that Raven could possibly be in love with someone like him was laughable. “But why would Terra think Raven was in love with me? It makes no sense.”**

**Cy gave him a deadpan look. “It might have been because she knew you and Raven slept together, which led to her being pregnant with your child. Or it could be because whenever you and Raven are near each other there are enough sparks flying to make 4 th of July fireworks jealous.” **

**BB’s eyes went wide as he stared at his friends who were looking at him like he had lost his mind. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I mean…yeah I love Rae, but there is no way she feels the same way about me.”**

**Star took up his hands again and looked him straight in the eye, making him nervous. “When you say you love her, do you mean in the same way you love me or the rest of the team? Or do you mean you love her in a way where the very thought of her loving another as she did you makes you want to tear the other man’s throat out and bathe in his blood?” BB leaned back and look at Dick who had a shocked look on his face that was almost comical.**

**“Damn Star that escalated quickly.” Cy breathed, visibly paling at the alien-woman’s words. Star looked around and blushed. “Is it not customary for those on your planet to show violence when confronted by the treachery of ones love taking another to bed?”**

**“I think this goes without saying, but never EVER cheat on her.” Dick was still a little green around the gills but he still glared at Cy’s statement. Even though her analogy was frightening, BB had to admit that in a deep dark place in his soul he didn’t want to acknowledge, that the very thought of Raven being with another guy made him want to get violent. _That’s just slightly hypocritical, don’t you think_? **

**BB ignored his inner voice and refocused on the woman in front of him. “Yes, the second one.” The other two men looked at him in shock while Star just grabbed him in a crushing hug. “Glorious! I am glad that you have the feelings of love for her.” BB tried unsuccessfully to get Star to loosen her grip until he gave up and looked to the others for help. Apparently, his wheezing was enough to knock the other two out of their terrifying imaginings and Dick quickly got his fiancé to release him.**

**“That doesn’t explain why Terra thought Raven was a threat.” Cy dropped his head back onto the head of the couch as he gave BB an exasperated look. “I don’t want to make you feel worse B-man, but Raven had been head over heels for you since before Tokyo.” BB looked at each of them in turn. “Rae loves me?” He sat back as he let the possibility sink in. _You are such a dumbass._ He had to agree.**

**“Now that you’ve worked out something we’ve known for years, let’s get to the matter at hand. We believe Terra was purposely trying to get Raven to leave the Team, and you, by making her powers go out of control. Where would she even get something to do that?” They sat in silence, each trying to figure out who Terra knew that could have that kind of chemical on hand.**

**Star paused and again raised her hand. “Did Slade not coat his helmet in something similar that made you hallucinate his return?” Dick was still for a second before he rushed to the kitchen and then out of the room in the direction of the evidence room. The others followed and when they caught up to him he was measuring a small amount of the tea leaves into a vial, added some chemicals and fed it into a machine. Dick told Cy to take over as he filled them in on what terrible thought had sent him out of the room.**

**“If it is the same stuff as what Slade covered his mask in, then I think it’s safe to assume that Terra and Slade may have been working together this entire time. But there a still a few things that don’t make sense. How did Slade know about Raven’s pregnancy before any of us did? Only three people knew, and…” Dick stopped mid-sentence and used his communicator to call someone. “Hey Nightwing, what’s up?” Garths voice came from the phone and BB stopped himself from taking the phone and throwing it out the window. Just. He was still a little mad that fishboy had known about Raven’s pregnancy before he had.**

**“When you found out Raven was pregnant, did you talk about it at all?” There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Yeah, a little bit after her appointment and then again in her room a few days later. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do and wanted someone to bounce ideas off of. Why?”**

**BB growled under his breath and snatched the communicator out of Dick’s hands. “If she was going to bounce ideas off anyone it should have been me, not the guy she went to for no strings attached sex. Next time you even think of going near the mother of my child just imagine all your little fish friends nibbling on your corpse when I’m done with you.” He tossed the communicator back at Dick before leaving the room to clear his head.**

**Half an hour passed before the others joined him in the Com-room. BB sat up as Cy took the furthest seat from him, while Star was practically on his lap much to her fiancé’s annoyance. “We’ve talked, and we’ve realised that the only way that Slade and Terra could know certain facts is if they had been in the same room during key conversations. That being said: have you ever worn your holo-ring in the Tower?” BB looked down at his green hands and shook his head. “Not since Cy gave them to us almost a year and a half ago, why?” “So the surveillance must have been installed sometime between now and then.”**

**BB sat up straight. “Are you saying someone had been watching us?” Dick fiddled with his mask, a sure sign he was annoyed. “I don’t think it has been all of us, but I did a sweep and found a hidden camera and microphone in Raven’s room, and near her doorway. The dust on it makes me think it’s been there a fair while. About the same amount of time the ones in the kitchen and this room.” BB looked around, realising he had been so deep in thought that he hadn’t even notice Dick sweep for bugs. “The one in your room seems to have been there a much shorter amount of time.” BB’s head shot up as what Dick had said sunk in.**

**“So you’re saying someone came here, planted bugs in the common areas and Raven’s private areas, and then came back later to add me to their private peep-show list? Why?” Dick cleared his throat. “I think the first person only had access to the common areas and Raven’s room and knew that if you had caught their scent in your room you would have grown suspicious. Another person set the bugs in your room, someone whose scent was already there.”**

**“Are you saying I bugged my own room?” Dick snorted. “No, I’m saying that someone you let into your room set up remote surveillance so they could keep an eye one you. The weird thing is that the bugs look like they are from the same source but are transmitting to 2 different locations.”**

**Now BB was confused. “So the first person came in and set up bugs, which transmit to one source and are mainly watching Raven. Another person takes bugs from the first person and sets them up to watch me and transmits them somewhere else? What the hell, that’s overly complicated.” BB rubbed his eyes as his brain tried to process all the information whirling around. _And you thought calculus was complicated._**

**Dick started pacing, thinking the problem through before stopping and getting Cy to run a search. A long list came up on the screen. “Who are all those women?” Dick smirked at him. “Those would be the woman you’ve had sex with in the last 2 years.” BB blushed at the long list of women flashed on the screen as Cy searched through the ones from the last 18 months. He wasn’t sure what worried him more: that he’d slept with that many women, or that their fearless leader was keeping track of them.**

**“Do not worry friend Beast Boy, I hear it is customary for the males of your planet to ‘sow the muesli’” Cy bent over laughing as Dick corrected her. “It’s ‘sow wild oats’ Star, and either way BB went overboard.”**

**Star looked at Dick with a look that screamed innocence. “Did you not also partake in willing women, fiancé Dick?” Dick had been 16 when he moved to Jump City and he rarely talked about his time with Batman. That being said, while Dick probably hadn’t had many relationships before Star, a pretty safe assumption giving how bad he was at trying to come to terms with his feeling for her, none of them doubted that he had taken what was offered by of at least 1 or 2 of the many women that tended to flock to rich men and their kids.**

**Dick blushed and looked away. Star looked equal parts amused and annoyed. “I am also guessing that your friend Barbara was one of these oats which you sowed?” Dick stilled completely, probably trying to give nothing away while he thought up an appropriate response that wasn’t an outright lie, but Star had known him for too long. Before he could open his mouth, Star stomped from the room.**

**Dick went to go after her but was stopped by Cy. “Let her go. Realising that you future husband invited one of his ex-girlfriends to you wedding probably takes time to process.” “It wasn’t…” Cy put up his hand, then pointed to the screen. “We’ve come up with nothing. Except from a few minor offences like ‘public intoxication’ and ‘driving under the influence’ there is nothing to tie any of BB’s former bed-mates to Slade or any other villain. Whoever bugged green bean isn’t one of his random hook-ups.”**

**“That just leaves one person…” They both looked at him and his stomach fell. “Terra.”**

 

_*****_

Raven was careful to watch her step as she moved through the forest towards her destination. She pushed through the last of the dense foliage and across the brittle grass of the field towards the large tree at its centre. The beautiful Mopane tree was huge, possibly 25 metres tall. Raven moved under the branches and towards the trunk of the large tree, her target in sight.

Side by side sat two simple gravestones, the only markings on them were the names of the people they were guarding. Mark and Marie Logan. Raven carefully sat down, thankful she had thought to wear her more comfortable black capris and peasant blouse with her hiking boots, instead of the kaftans she was getting used to wearing. She started to go through her usual ritual of cleaning the area around the gravestones when she realised that someone had been there since her last visit.

“I had a feeling it would be you.” Raven stood up and whipped around, coming face to face with Rita Farr, Beast Boy’s adoptive mother. The other woman was clearly on her day off because instead of her usual purple and black uniform, she was wearing something similar to Raven’s outfit of choice, but in purple.

“What are you doing here?” Rita moved next to Raven to look down at the graves. “I come here occasionally to update them on what’s going on in Garfield’s life. He does it as well sometimes when he has the time.” Raven turned to face Gar’s parents too.

“The last time I was here, I noticed someone had left them flowers. When Garfield denied it was him, I wanted to know who else it could possibly be. I have to admit, I was hoping it would be you.” Raven looked at Rita in shock. “I’m guessing Beast Boy didn’t tell you everything then.”

Rita smiled and placed a hand gently on the empath’s shoulder. “He told me your powers got out of control when you had a nightmare and did some damage you had no way of controlling. He said that you had run away before anyone could talk to you out of it. He said he missed you and had no idea where you were or if you were safe.”

A tear escaped and Raven ruthlessly pushed it away. “I didn’t just do a little damage, I almost destroyed the Tower and everyone in it. I could feel their fear after-would, and for the first time in a long time it was me they were afraid of. I can’t really blame them. I almost brought the Tower down with all of us still inside. I almost killed Gar. How could I ever ask them to forgive me for that? How could I ever forgive myself for almost killing my family? They’re better off if I stay far away. I always hurt those closest to me and I should stop being so selfish and keep my distance.”

Rita gently turned Raven to face her, lifting her head up so she would look her in the eyes. “There is no doubt in my mind that you would never intentionally hurt Garfield or your friends. Your powers lashed out during a weak moment you had no way of controlling. Is it regrettable? Yes. But you had no way of knowing that your powers would strike out that way. Though I am surprised they lashed out at all. From what Garfield has told me through the years, you have a remarkable control over your powers.”

Raven looked away, not able to look at the woman who had raised Gar for most of his life. “There was an incident with a villain that almost killed me. After that my powers went a little wonky for a while.”

Rita raised her eyebrow, much in the way Raven usually did herself. “You wouldn’t happen to be talking about Slade’s version of a ‘Milgram’ experiment?” Raven’s head shot up. “He told you about that?”

“Yes. And he told me what it cost you to save them.” Raven turned and moved away, no longer able to face the other woman. “I’m sorry. He told me to try and get some advice on how he could help you through it. He thought since I had gone through a miscarriage myself that I might have some insight on what you were going through.”

Raven stilled at the other woman’s confession. “They weren’t the same circumstances of course, but I know what it’s like to love someone so much that you haven’t even met, and then lose them before they were really there. Sometimes it’s difficult for others to really understand. They don’t know how you can grieve something that barely even existed. I’m guessing your pain is coupled with a sense of guilt because you blame yourself for the miscarriage.”

Raven felt Rita arms encircle her as she hugged her. “But I know, from everything Garfield has told me and everything I have seen for myself that you would have done anything and everything you could to save your child; but you couldn’t live with someone else paying the price for that survival.”

Raven turned in the woman’s arms and returned her hug as she started to sob. Raven didn’t know how long they stayed like that, embracing in shared loss in front of the graves of the couple who had given both of them one of the best people in their lives. Raven pulled back first. Both of them wiped their eyes, neither embarrassed for the display because they both knew the very real pain behind it. “Would you like to have dinner with me? I’m staying at a place not far from here. I would like to hear what you have been up to since you left the Titans. I also think you’d like the opportunity to get a nice hot shower. What do you say?”

Raven smiled slightly at Rita and nodded, “Ok, but I have to tell the people I’m with where I’m going. They’ll get worried if I just disappear.” Raven moved a short distance away and teleported back to the makeshift camp she and the other volunteers had set up as a clinic for the villagers to come to with their sick and injured.

Rita pulled out her communicator. “This is Elasti-Girl, I’ve located Raven and am taking her to the safe-house now.”


	14. Questions

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

 

Raven sighed as the hot water soothed the sore muscles in her back. She hated to admit weakness, but she had missed being able to have a hot shower instead of the occasional dip in a freezing cold stream filled with snakes she’d been having for the last few months. Finally deciding enough was enough, she turned off the water and got out of the shower and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Raven wasn’t usually one to care much about her appearance beyond the basics, but even she couldn’t help but do a self-appraisal every once in a while.

Looking at herself she realised that she had lost more weight than she had realised. Where she once had not quite an hourglass figure but at least a feminine curve to her, now she looked just a bit above sickly thin. Her hair had grown out a bit since she lopped it off to just above her shoulders when she left the U.S, knowing she wouldn’t be able to rely on running water to keep her long tresses clean in the middle of nowhere. Her violet eyes looked huge in her gaunt face, making her look fragile and delicate. Raven scoffed under her breath at the notion and quickly got changed into the spare clothes Rita had given her.

Raven smiled to herself as the white skirt swished around her ankles as she buttoned the jade coloured blouse. She touched the fabric of the top, mentally comparing it to his skin. She had never really thought much of the colour until he came along, now it vied with blue as her favourite.

Pushing the sappy thought to the back of her mind Raven cleaned up her things and stowed them in the spare room. Rita had convinced her to stay with her for a day or two to keep her company. She used the computer in her room to check her emails and was saddened at the almost empty inbox. _What did you expects, why would they want to talk to a monster like you? Give it up already, it’s pathetic._ Raven pushed Angers barbs aside, deleting the usual spam about ‘lasting for hours’ and ‘learn the secrets the fat-cats don’t want you to know.’

Raven then checked her drafts folder for any messages from Roy. It was their main way of communicating, leaving each other un-sent messages helped the paranoid archer keep tabs on her without running up a huge phone bill. Raven scanned the message, smiling at his fawning statement about his girlfriend, rolling her eyes at his comments about her ex-teammates, and sighing at his not so subtle hints that he wished she would come home. Even less subtle then usual since he simply asked: “So when are you coming home?”

Raven sent a brief reply telling him that she was staying with a friend a few days before she headed back to the little village she had been staying in the last few weeks, helping them dig some wells so they could have easy access to fresh water without travelling tens of miles in the blistering heat. She paused and then told him she was feeling a little lonely since she hadn’t heard from anyone but him since she left. Saving the message to the drafts folder, she turned off the computer and went to join Rita for dinner.

Raven moved through the lounge room into the kitchen where Rita was cooking. “That smells wonderful.” Rita looked over her shoulder and smiled at her. “Thank-you. I don’t always get the opportunity to cook, so when I do I tend to over-do it.”

Raven sat at the barstool at the counter and watched the other woman cook. She couldn’t help but think of BB going through the same motions when he cooked up whatever vegetarian recipe he had recently discovered, always offering to make extra so she could join him. “Can I ask you something, Raven?” Rita’s voice pulled her out of her pleasant musings. “Ok.” Rita turned from the stove where she was tossing their stir-fry dinner. “Why didn’t you just teleport to see the Logan’s’? You’ve been there before haven’t you?”

Raven played with the blouses cuff as she figured out the best way to explain it. “It felt…disrespectful to use my powers to teleport there. I know it sounds stupid, but it feels like I was invading their privacy by just appearing out if nowhere.”

Rita smiled at her and went back to the wok. “So how long have you been in love with Garfield?”

Raven almost toppled off the barstool at the abrupt question, leading to Rita turning and chuckling at her embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked like that. But it was something I’ve noticed when we’ve visited Garfield in the past; a glance here, a small smile there. It’s obvious when you know what to look for.”

Raven paled at the other woman’s words. “You don’t think Gar…” Rita laughed. “I hate to say it about my baby boy, but when it comes to matters of the heart he tends to be oblivious. Just look at how he coped with that Terra girl’s death.” Rita clucked her tongue and flipped the ingredients in the wok with a flick of her wrist. Raven didn’t reply, not really sure what to say when talking to her friends’ mother about his sex life. “I’m sure she’s a lovely girl, but I’m not sorry that the two of them have finally ended it. I didn’t entirely trust her after she betrayed the Titans and without trust it’s almost impossible to build a healthy relationship.”

Raven felt the same way, that’s why it would never work between…Wait, what?! “BB and Terra broke-up?” Rita nodded while pulling sauces out of the cupboard. Raven’s head reeled. “So after all that time grieving her and what they could have had, after sleeping his way through the blue-eyed blondes of Jump City and beyond, after all the times I was woken up at 3am to give him a lift home from some bar he had drowned his sorrows in, NOW he gets over her?!  DUMBASS!” Raven fought to try and slow her breathing and calm her emotions who were torn between celebrating that BB was once again single and cursing the green idiot for taking so long to get over the earth-mover. _You’re assuming he broke-up with her._ Rude might not make her presence known very often, but when she did it was usually to get on Raven’s nerves. _She’s right though, Terra could have dumped him, or it could be a temporary break-up brought about by a fight. It would be foolish to get our hopes up._ It wasn’t good when Knowledge and Rude agreed on something. In fact, Raven could never remember that ever happening before.

“Better now than never. I don’t think it was Terra he was mourning as much as the loss of his first love. You know how it is, it’s always the hardest to get over.”

Raven blushed and avoided the other woman’s piercing stare. “Tell me about it,” she muttered under her breath.

Rita smiled as she began serving up their meal. “I hope you don’t mind, but it’s vegetarian. Garfield said you liked it.” Raven’s heart thumped in her chest as she gave a small smile and more or less inhaled her food.

*****

**BB stared at his computer and urged it to submit to his will. “Come on, damn it! Tell me I have a new email.” He had been sending Raven an email every day or so; updating her on everything going on in Jump City, telling her all the scandalous details about fellow superheros (Jinx and Cy’s ‘secret’ relationship featured heavily), and mainly just trying to show her how much they all missed her and wanted her to come home. Star and Dick weren’t speaking after their huge blow-out over him inviting Barbara Gordon to their wedding without him telling Star about his and Barbara’s past ‘relationship’. Cy wasn’t there a whole lot of the time, instead staying at a ‘friends’ place most nights. And BB was so turned around he didn’t know what to think anymore.**

**Why had Terra lied to him about that night? Had she really put a secret surveillance camera in his room? Was she working with Slade again? Had she really spiked Raven’s tea to send her over the edge when she was already emotionally fragile? Why lie about being the mystery woman? Those questions and more refused to leave his mind and caused him more than a couple of sleepless nights. It was horrible, but BB almost missed the days where he could just go out and relieve stress with whatever random fan-girl was ready and willing. Now it felt wrong, like he was cheating on Raven even though they weren’t together.**

**BB repeatedly knocked his head against his desk, hoping for either answers or a concussion to silence his never-ending thoughts.**

**“Friend Beast Boy, are you unwell?” BB’s head shot up as he realised he had left his door open, allowing anyone who walked past his room an unobstructed view of him being pathetic.**

**“I’m fine Star. I think Raven might be avoiding me. I have sent her dozens of messages and I haven’t even gotten a few words letting me know she’s at least safe.”**

**Star sighed and moved further into his room. “I am yet to hear from friend Raven as well. Do you believe she is well?”**

**BB leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. It’s killing me but I don’t know how we’re supposed to get back to normal from here? How can I even apologise to her if she won’t even talk to me? Hell, what I wouldn’t give for her to even type the words “Get fucked”, at least then I would know she’s alive.”**

**Star moved towards him and wrapped him in a bone-crunching hug. Before BB lost both lungs, they both heard a cough from the doorway. Both of them turned, Star’s arms still around BB’s neck, and BB watched as Dicks face slowly got redder and redder. “Sorry to interrupt but Roy wants to talk to all of us.” Without another word, he left the room.**

**BB looked up at Star and realised she was trying to subtly wipe tears from her eyes. “Star, please don’t cry. You know I can’t take it when you cry.”**

**Star sniffed before turning to BB and giving him a huge smile. “Do not worry friend. It will all work out in the end. When two people are meant to be together, it always works out how it is supposed to.” BB wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince more, him or herself.**

**BB sighed and followed her out to the Com-room, ignoring the glare their fearless, and apparently brain dead if he thought BB thought of Star as anything more than a sister, leader and sat on the couch between Star and Cy.**

**Speedy stood before them in his usual casual clothes of red hoddie and black jeans, the rest of them in uniform. They all sat in silence, none of them wanting to talk first.**

**It wasn’t long before Speedy broke, however. “Look, far be it for me to butt into your teams argument, but I thought the last time I was here you guys were on your way to pulling you heads out of your arses and trying to make up with Raven. Apparently I was wrong.” _Say what now?_ BB looked at his friends, trying to see if any of them knew what the hell hair-boy was going on about. **

**“Friend Speedy, what do you mean? I myself have sent multiple emails to the address you provided us speaking of wedding plans and such. I believe Beast Boy has done the same with no reply from Raven to even tell us if she is well and whole.” Star sniffed and wiped at her eyes. BB shuffled over as Dick moved away from the counter he was leaning against and sat beside her to comfort her.**

**Apparently tears meant a temporary cease fire. “I’ve been sending her emails too. I mean not every day or anything but at least 2-3 times a week I send her an update on what criminals have been up to their old tricks, what training we’ve been doing…” BB rolled his eyes, typical Dick. “I’ve even been sending her updates on the Titan pool on how long it will take Cyborg to admit that he and Jinx have been hooking up.” Speedy chuckled as Cy went very pale. “Say what now?”**

**Star went from teary sniffling to joyful giggles in seconds flat. You had to hand it to her, she rarely let things get her down for long.**

**“I don’t understand. If you’ve been sending her messages, how come none of them have been going through? I’ve been keeping an eye on her inbox in case any of you sent her a message that I deemed inappropriate and so far the only messages she’s been getting are spam and the ones we do back and forth in the drafts folder. And when she sends emails to you guys, she doesn’t get any replies.” BB wasn’t sure what bothered him more: the fact that Raven hadn’t gotten any of his 50+ messages, or that Roy not only had access to her emails but was using it as a cutesy pigeon hole.**

**“Are you sure you wrote the email down right? I’m telling you, we’ve all been sending messages to her and she hasn’t replied to any of them.” Speedy looked at Cy, and then at each of them in turn. What he saw apparently convinced him that they were telling the truth. “So someone has been blocking messages from you guys to Raven and vice versa? Why?”**

**Dick spoke from his position next to Star. “I think for the same reason that they had Terra spike Raven’s tea. To isolate her. Think about it: If you wanted to get at Raven a year ago, you would have had to go through all of us, and then Raven herself isn’t exactly a push-over. Now she’s alone, vulnerable and thinks that the people who she was closest to have completely turned their backs on her. Someone has worked very hard to make sure that Raven is not only isolated from us, but is somewhat fragile and vulnerable as well. If I’m right and what this person wanted all along was Raven, then now would be a perfect time to strike. It would also explain the surveillance in Raven’s part of the Tower: they wanted to learn as much as they could about her so they could find her vulnerabilities and the perfect time to strike. What I still can’t figure out is who could have set up the cameras in the first place. Raven doesn’t let very many people in her room.” As Dick trailed off into thought, BB’s heart stopped and his stomach bottomed out as Dick’s reasoning sank in.**

**“If that’s true, and if we’re still sure Terra was the one who dosed her tea, then do we still think it’s Slade pulling the strings?” Cy looked at the rest of them, hoping someone else was having an easier time of untangling the convoluted plan than he was.**

**“Using people’s weaknesses against them is definitely in Slade’s wheel-house, but I can’t see the end game in getting Raven on her own. He can’t still be working for Trigon because he’s dead. If he had wanted her, why not just take her when he knocked all of us out and put us in those chambers? No, we’re missing something and I have no clue what it is.”**

**“Ahhh, I hate to break-up this brain-storming session but am I the only one who is worried that Raven is out there on her own with a possible weirdo after her and wonky control over her powers?” Cy asked.**

**Everyone stopped and looked at Speedy. “What?”**

**“You know where she is, don’t you? That’s what you said before.” Cy said.**

**Roy shrugged and stared at his feet. “I did, but I don’t know where she went after she left Cape Town.”**

**“What the hell is Raven doing in Africa?!” Cy yelled. BB paused before running over to the computer and pulling up a video chat. It didn’t take long before Rita answered. “Garfield is something wrong?” BB ignored Roy coughing ‘Milf’ under his breath, leading to Star asking what that meant and Cy hitting Roy.**

**“Do you remember you asked me if I had gone to see Mum and Dad lately? When did you notice that someone had been there?” Rita smiled, not really lessening the helpless and panicky feeling running through him.**

**“I went there just this afternoon actually, and you won’t believe who I found.” Rita panned the camera to the left to show that back of a woman with purple hair cut just above her shoulders wearing a white skirt and green top, looking at pictures on a mantle. BB recognised the place as the apartment he had bought for his adoptive parents to use when they wanted to get away from being superheroes. Needless to say, Rita was usually the only one who used it.**

**The woman turned around, a photo grasped in her hand. “Is this Gar in a cowboy costume?”**

**BB ignored the chuckles behind him as he drank in the sight of the woman who had been haunting him.**

**“Raven!”**

**She jumped and dropped the photo, looking around until she focused on the computer screen.**

**“Beast Boy?”**

 

 


	15. The Gang's Back Together Again

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

 

Raven paced the floor as she cursed Dick’s tendency to be more than slightly high-handed, and the fact it was apparently a trait that he had learnt from his mentor. When Raven had frozen in shock at seeing her friends on Rita’s computer screen, a knock had come at the door. Apparently Rita had contacted someone when she found her at Mark and Marie Logan’s grave. Of all the people she could have seen walking through the door, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Wonder Woman and Batman in civilian clothing were down at the bottom of the list. Right before Malchior and her father.

Apparently, Batman had become suspicious when Dick had mentioned to his father that he hadn’t heard from Raven in a while and was determined to investigate. Batman probably didn’t like the idea of someone with her powers out in the world and off the Justice League’s radar. He had realised that someone was putting a block on any emails coming from the Titans. Knowing Roy was the last to see or have any contact with her, he had contacted Green Arrow. They had agreed, along with their wives and Rita, to make sure Raven was ok. Something they had elected to do without telling the Titans about it beforehand, leading to a very heated discussion between the mentors and their former sidekicks/sons.

Somehow in all the commotion Raven had been scooped into a waiting black bulletproof Mercedes idling outside Rita’s and flown on a private jet back to Jump City where she was currently pacing in an apartment near Jump U campus she had never been to, while others decided what to do next. On the flight over Oliver (as he insisted on being called) filled her in on the Titans suspicions and what Bruce had been able to determine while not butting in. His idea of not butting in and hers were vastly different seemingly. His definition consisted of a full-on investigation, but just not telling his son about it.

Dick was not happy to say the least.

Terra had been lying to them since her arrival back into their lives, again. She had used their emotions to divide and conquer, again. She may possibly be working with Slade, again. Raven wasn’t exactly clear on all the details but she knew, if nothing else, that BB had to be hurting right now. Raven took a deep breath while internally planning the demise of the blonde that had shattered her best friends heart for the **third** time and looked around the safe house they had dumped her in.

It was really more of a townhouse than an apartment and was a lot larger than it looked from outside. She had expected a superhero safe house to be almost bare but this place looked fully furnished. The walls were a pale green which made the place look large and bright, a feature that Raven usually hated but here it felt somewhat comfortable. There was a table with a dark blue key bowl by the door, and hooks along the wall to hang your coat and scarf on a cold winters day. The main room had a pool table, an old-fashioned jukebox and arcade machine that would make the boys ecstatic. Large windows took up most of the adjacent wall to the left of the front door, probably with bulletproof glass, with transparent light purple curtains with a vine and leaf pattern embroidered on them making the room slightly less like a bachelor pad. To the right of the pool table was an entertainment/lounge area with a large curved TV and surround system with a few game stations just off to the side, with a 5-seater black sofa that looked overstuffed and comfy, just right for falling asleep in the middle of a movie. Just two thin support pillars separated the entertainment area from the dining area which consisted of a large red oak mahogany table that would seat 6 people easily.

Raven lightly touched the petals of the beautiful potted violets in the centre of the table and was surprised to find it was a real plant, someone was obviously keeping the place up. She moved past the large table and the stunning gas fireplace with a mantel that had photos that Raven made a mental note to look at later, and into the kitchen that would make any 5-star chef green with envy. White cabinets with brass knobs, a double fridge, large stove/oven, apron sink and stainless steel appliances dotted the dark wood counter tops. Pans hung on hooks above the island that separated the kitchen from the dining area. Little knick knacks made it feel homey and Raven spotted little herb pots on the window sill, also well cared for. “Gar would pass out in his own drool in this kitchen.” Raven chuckled to herself. She spotted a note on the island with her name on it.

_Raven,_

_For the time being it is safest for you to stay in this apartment. It’s owned by an associate so don’t worry about putting anybody out. The bedrooms are upstairs, towels are in the bathrooms. Feel free to eat anything in the kitchen, though dinner will be delivered around 6pm. A new laptop and phone have been left for you in the library, just a precaution against any spyware that might be lurking. They have already been set up for surfing the web with identity safe software and proxy connections._

**_Do not leave the apartment._ **

_-Dick_

Raven rolled her eyes at the last sentence but decided that he was just being cautious. Big surprise there. Raven headed up the stairs and walked through the door with the bit of paper with ‘Raven’ scrawled on it. “Oh my….” Raven gasped as she looked around her. The walls were a pale lilac colour, the floor had a soft grey carpet and dark wood furniture. Against the far wall was a four poster bed, a more modern version of her bed in the tower, with her black silk sheets and dark purple comforter with black lace pattern. Looking around she realised that besides the furniture itself, most of the stuff she had put in storage was in the room.

She was trying to take in everything at once and it was making her kind of dizzy. She moved to the chest of draws and opened it to find clothes she had left at the tower neatly folded away, the large built-in bookcase that doubled as a headboard and took up the entire wall was filled with her books and knick-knacks. Opening the wardrobe, she found almost all of the rest of her clothes hanging in the same way she would have done it herself. Minus her uniforms of course, since she had made a bonfire out of them in a fit of self-hatred months ago. Raven moved to the bed and flopped onto it, picking up her chicken and grasped it in a tight hug that almost squished it’s stuffing out.

Someone had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure she felt at home here. The fact that someone had cared enough about her comfort to do something so amazing for her left her feeling light and almost, dare she say, giddy.

Getting up slowly, she hauled her backpack with her most treasured belongings and emptied it onto the bed. Throwing together her dirty clothes in a hamper, she went downstairs to explore a little more. After locating the downstairs bathroom and a library that just about made her scream in delight before she caught herself, Raven managed to find the small laundry and put her clothes in the wash. The necessary domestic duty taken care of, she decided to give in and take a closer look at the library.

That was where she was hours later, snuggled up on the large, comfy sofa as she read a book on the folklore & mythologies of different European cultures, when she heard the front door unlocking. Raven quickly jumped up, setting aside the book carefully and waiting for whoever it was to announce themselves.

Batman and Green Arrow had a security detail consisting of both superheros and former military to watch the apartment, and the visitor apparently had a key so she expected it to be either Wonder Woman or Black Canary, both of whom had promised to come visit her to make sure she was alright. Or possibly because it gave them an excuse to visit their step-sons without looking like they were checking up on them.

She moved into the living room and was shocked when the door flew open and she saw a brief orange, purple and red blur before being engulfed in a crushing hug. “Friend Raven, you are well!” Raven struggled to breath and greet her friend. “Ahh Kori, I’m not sure she’s supposed to be that colour.” Raven was quickly released and Star gave her a timid smile. “I am sorry friend; it is just so joyous to see you after being separated for so long!” Star gave a squeal that shook the widows before engulfing her in another hug, this one only slightly less likely to crush her bones to powder. Raven awkwardly patted her friends shoulder as she desperately looked to the others for help. Dick was just watching the exchange with a small smile on his face while Cy looked around him in awe.

Their green friend was conspicuously absent. Raven tried to hide her disappointment, but briefly caught the small twitch of the Boy Wonders smile as he caught her searching. Glaring at him, she removed herself from the Tamaranean’s grasp and took a step back. Physical contact was something she was still getting used to.

Star ignored Raven’s subtle gesture of needing space, grabbed Raven’s hands and dragged her into the kitchen where Cy had gravitated to after he picked his jaw off the floor. He passed the food bags they had brought with them to Star as he took his turn hugging their long absent friend. “Good to see you little sis.” He mumbled to her so only she could hear. “Likewise.” Raven turned away slightly when he released her so she could try to wipe away the moisture in her eyes discreetly. “What are all of you doing here?” _And where is BB?_

Raven sat on a barstool as her friends quickly unpacked the food. “Where did you think we would be? We haven’t seen or heard from you in months and we’ve finally managed to run you to ground. We wanted to make sure you were…ok.” Dick finished lamely as he took his turn in a brief hug so as not to make her too uncomfortable, probably remembering the last time they had all been in the same room together and unsure how Raven would react to being near her friends again.

“Please, friend. We do not wish to upset you but we have missed you greatly since you left. Things have been…different with your absence.” Star sent a covert glance at Dick, who either missed it (unlikely) or ignored it. Raven tucked that little bit of information away for later and focused on her friends.

To say Raven was surprised to see them would be a vast understatement. She had come to terms with the knowledge that she might need them, but they didn’t need her. Add to that that the circumstances of her resignation from the Titans was anything but happy and she never really expected to see any of them again, let alone that they might actually _want_ to see her. To find out that they had actually _missed_ her was a shock to say the least. Apparently she wasn’t the only one.

“I thought you looked a little sick on the video, but in person you look like death warmed up.” Raven spun around and gave a little squeak before running into Roy’s outstretched arms and he spun her around. He hugged her close as she slowly started to come to terms with the fact she actually was home, and her friends really were here. More or less.

Raven thought she heard a growl behind Roy, but when she looked over his shoulder she could only see Beast Boy moving into the kitchen with grocery bags full of food.

Every fibre of her being, every emotion in her mind screamed at her to go to him. To reassure herself that he was really here and make him forget all about Terra. Raven slammed all her barriers in place as she looked back at Roy who had apparently noticed where her attention had been and was grinning at her. “Never knew he was your type.” He whispered into her ear so only she could hear him. Raven shoved his shoulder playfully as she quickly checked the front door was locked and made her way to the group in the kitchen.

Plates and utensils had been brought out from somewhere and everyone was now helping themselves to the Chinese and Thai food that they had brought. Raven inhaled the heavenly scents and quickly moved to get herself a plate. Before she could however, a plate piled high with food was shoved into her hands by larger green ones. BB didn’t even look at her as he piled his own plate high with red curry with veggies, tofu and rice and moved towards the dining table, turning the TV on so they had some background noise and Dick could get his 4th daily fix of the news. Raven looked down at her plate. Part of her was happy that he seemed to remember her favourites, a much larger part was somewhat taken back by his seeming indifference to her reappearance.

Raven was brought out of her stupor when Dick gently nudged her towards the table. Sitting between Dick at the head of the table and Star on her other side wasn’t the most comfortable of places to be, but at least she could act as some sort of buffer between the two who were obviously trying to pretend they weren’t fighting. Raven looked across the table from her at Cy who was arguing with Roy about the merit of old fashioned weapons as opposed to newer technology and whether the blending of the two was really the best of both worlds. Raven tried her best to keep her covert glances to a minimum, but she couldn’t help but occasionally glance that the man sitting at the end of the table, opposite Dick.

It was shocking how much BB had changed in the 6 months she had been gone. He seemed to be more quiet, more reserved than he had been the last time she had seen him. Ok, maybe the time before last since the last time she had seen him had been when she had almost killed him. There were bulges under his shirt that looked suspiciously like bandages. She got a sick feeling in her stomach to think of all the times he had been hurt since she left. Raven had been healing the teams most severe injuries as best she could since almost the beginning. Anything she couldn’t mend, Cy usually could in the med-bay. Still, knowing he and the team had been hurting both emotionally and physically while she had left to ‘find herself’ made her pilgrimage to Africa feel a lot more selfish than it had seemed 4 months ago.

Raven quickly looked away from BB before anyone noticed her staring. She felt eyes on her and looked up into green ones. Just not the green eyes she wanted to be staring into. “Friend Raven, you are not eating. Do you not feel well?” Raven looked down at her plate, trying hard to repress the blush that wanted to burn its way across her skin. “Sorry Star, it’s just a little weird being back after everything that happened.” Raven internally cursed her choice of words as the table fell silent.

“Raven, we want you to know, we never really blamed you for what happened. We know now that you had been given an altered dose of fear toxin, one that wasn’t fatal but accumulated in your body over time so the effects would gradually get worse. You had no way of controlling what your powers were doing when you were under the drugs influence.” Dick said from beside her. Even now it was hard to believe that Terra would go to such an extent to make her leave. _Next time we see her, we’ll be much less subtle and much quicker in making her disappear._ Raven used all of her strength to push Anger back into her designated area in her mind. The last thing she needed on her first night back was to go all rage-monster and force her friends to detain her.

“That’s a nice sentiment, but it doesn’t change the fact that they were still my powers that were out of control. My powers that nearly destroyed our home and us along with it. Like it or not, you have all been a lot safer without me around.” Raven ducked her head, not noticing the worried looks all of them were exchanging at her monotone and harsh words.

“That is not true, friend. Without you, we are incomplete. We cannot function as well as a team without you. Or as a family.” Raven gave a mirthless chuckle and looked at her friend.

“I’m more of a liability than ever these days, Star. And the Titans are hardly hurting for members who would be happy to be a part of the original team. I think it would be best if, after all this mess is sorted out, we go our separate ways again.” Star’s eyes widened as she looked at Dick for help. He leaned forward slightly. “Raven, I can’t force you to stay with the Titans. But no matter what else you are, you are always our friend and a part of the family. That will never change.” Raven switched her gaze to him, wanting so badly to believe his words.

“Do we know who put the camera’s in my room?” The change of subject may not have been subtle, but it was necessary if she wanted to make it through the dinner with her shields intact.

Dick let the matter drop, for now, and the table started to discuss theories. “It had to be someone who could either get in and out unseen and undetected, or be able to explain their presence away if they were caught. Any ideas Raven?” Cy asked.

Raven thought about it as she chewed on a spring roll. She swallowed and responded. “Apart from you four, not many people have ever been in my room. Garth was a visitor a few years back, but he has no reason to bug my room.” Raven took another bite of her food as the others discussed. “What of Mason?” The table fell silent once again as they all stared at her. Raven could feel the blush spreading across her face this time and down her neck. She took a sip of her water and thought of how best to phrase the answer.

“He was in there a few times. He was fascinated by my book collection, and he borrowed a couple that aren’t in print anymore. I may have left him alone in there, but it wouldn’t have been for more than 10 minutes or so.” Roy smirked at her and she had a sudden premonition of doom. Or it could be the Pad Thai.

“Let me get this straight. A grown man talked his way into your bedroom and _didn’t_ try to get you into bed? After dating you for 6 months? That’s a red flag right there. Either he is a devout religious type, he’s secretly gay, or there’s something seriously wrong with him.” Raven rolled her eyes at his statement. “Maybe he just wasn’t interested.”

Roy let out a bark of laughter. “I mean this in the least creepy way possible, Raven. If I had of had you alone in a bedroom a year ago clothes would come off, make no mistake about it.”

Raven shook her head. “That’s because you are a man-whore who would screw a cactus if it was willing.”

“As much as I hate to agree with Roy, it is a little suspicious that Mason was with you for 6 months and didn’t try anything. And he’s one of the few people we allowed into the Tower that we can’t really vouch for.” Dick stated.

Raven frowned as she tried to think through what they were trying to tell her. “You’re saying my ex-boyfriend was with me to spy on me for Slade? Peachy.” Raven internally cringed at the word, peaches triggering memories both pleasant and crawl-in-a-hole-and-die bad. She was avoiding looking at the other end of the table when a thought occurred to her. “Now that you mention it, he was at the big charity event where Red-X was supposed to show, but didn’t. I didn’t think of it at the time because he was a contributor to a few arts charities, including the ballet, so he had every reason to be there.” She could hear Roy scoffing and muttering under his breath and glared at him. “Just because he likes the ballet does not mean he is gay.” Roy held up his hands in defeat but Raven could feel his mirth slipping past her shields.

The others started to gather their plates, and Raven looked down and realised she’d eaten everything BB had picked out for her. Moving with everyone else to the kitchen, she listened absently as they chatted about the movie they were going to watch.

“Well, goodnight everyone, I’m going to bed.” Star’s eyes widened and she grabbed onto Raven’s arm with enough force to leave bruises. “You aren’t going to partake of the delicious snack foods and the watching of movies with us?” Raven tried to resist the puppy-dog gaze of the Tamaranean but finally gave in and allowed herself to be dragged to the couch where she was sandwiched between Dick and Star again. _Trouble in paradise?_ Raven had to agree with Rude that something was definitely up with the couple, but was currently too tired to ask what was going on with them tonight. As they all settled in, Raven pushed down the twinge of sadness when she realised that BB hadn’t joined them.

 

Raven used the remote to turn the TV off as the end credits rolled. Roy had left after the first movie, claiming to have an early morning training session with Titans East. Raven guessed he probably just wanted to get home to his girlfriend, but didn’t say anything. Star and Dick had gone upstairs separately, no doubt not sharing the same room as they would have previously. Cy was stretching on the other end of the sofa after watching movies for the last 6 hours. “Well I’m off to the pull-out in the library. Night little sis.” He dismissed her complaints that she should be the one on the pull-out, kissed her on the forehead and moved through the door near the TV. Raven allowed herself a small moment to revel in the feeling of being so close to her friends again before getting up and moving towards the kitchen to make herself some tea before bed. She was surprised to find her favourite tea in the same spot that the Titans usually kept it in their kitchen in the Tower. Putting the kettle on to boil, she turned when she heard noise behind her. Her heart stopped for a moment before it started pounding in her chest.

BB was leaning against the island, his black t-shirt stretching across his muscles as he folded his arms across his chest, and his jeans fit him far too well to be legal. Bringing her thoughts out of the gutter, she looked back at his face and realised he was staring at her.

“Can I help you with something Beast Boy?” Raven cringed internally at the icy tone her voice had taken without her realising it. He didn’t move or say a word so Raven went back to preparing her tea. When he finally spoke, it stopped her mid-movement.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

*****

The hooded figure stared down at the blank monitors and seethed. He suddenly lashed out and shattered the screens over and over again until they were broken beyond repair.

"Temper, temper." The hooded figure turned to face his three companions who were wisely keeping their distance from their enraged leader. "If they were so easy to separate, don't you think someone would have done it before now?" The figure growled under his breath at their insolence and Slade, Terra and Mason fell to their knees in pain, clutching their heads. "SILENCE! If I wanted the input of villains who couldn't even defeat a group of children, I'd ask for it. This just means we need to bring up our timetable, that's all." He watched with no small amount of satisfaction at the three figures writhing in pain on the ground. He loosened his grip on their minds and allowed them to stand again.

"You are to find where they are keeping her and bring her to me. Do you understand?" Three sets of glowing red eyes looked back at him. "Yes, Master." The figure turned from them and went to his chambers to begin preparing for the ceremony.

"Soon, my love. We will be together soon."


	16. Confrontation

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Beast Boy,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Raven froze and turned away from the stove, feigning confusion “Why didn’t I tell you what?” BB narrowed his eyes at her and stalked towards her, invading her space and forcing her to back into the counter behind her. He stood over her, not giving her room to breathe.

“Why didn’t you tell me the baby was mine?”

Raven froze, her breath stuck in her lungs as she felt her world bottom out. _Oh crap!_ “What are you talking about? Who said the... who said it was yours?” She couldn’t say the word. Almost eight months after the fact and she still had trouble with words like _baby_ and _pregnancy_.

“Who told me doesn’t matter. What I want to know is why you didn’t tell me yourself?” She didn’t reply, she couldn’t even look at him as he let out a curse and strode away from her. He pivoted and stood on the other side of the kitchen island, bracing his hands on the counter top. She thought this conversation might happen one day but she was naive enough to believe it wouldn’t be for a while, maybe after he was married and had kids and wouldn’t care anymore. _Right, that would happen_. Why is it when she had just started to get control of her life, Karma or Destiny or whichever bastard it was that nudged life along decided she was unworthy of simple contentment?

“I figured it out myself, OK.” She looked at him as he spoke to the spot over her left shoulder. “The hotel sent me the anklet I gave you for your birthday, with a note that they had found it in my room. I realised it hadn’t been Terra in my bed, it was you. Then everything came rushing back. Every kiss, every sigh, and every scream… everything. And I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t tell me. I mean, were you embarrassed that you had lowered yourself to sleeping with someone like me? Was I a pity fuck because you thought I needed to be cheered up? I don’t know why you didn’t tell me, but it was obvious you thought it was a mistake. I knew you were keeping something from me but I couldn’t believe it was something like this.”

“The more I thought about it, the more other things started to make sense. Cy’s pitying looks when he thought I wasn’t looking and his weird reaction to me wanting to see the footage from that night. Star never letting us be alone in the same room together. Garth insisting that Mason couldn’t possibly be the father. Stepping back and examining everything like that made me ask myself the big question. If Mason wasn’t the father of your baby, who was? Garth had been the obvious suspect, but he swore that it wasn’t him. So who else could it be? Who else had you let close enough to sleep with? Then it hit me.” He looked her in the eyes, not letting her drop his gaze as he continued.

“It was me. I was the father of your child and you never bothered to tell me. Wouldn’t let me mourn his or her death with you. And even now, I can’t understand why. Why, Rae? Why didn’t you tell me? Any of it? Why do you insist on facing everything alone?!” BB shouted and her heart cracked to see such grief in the green eyes of the man she loved.

But she couldn’t let that distract her. The control she had been working so hard to develop over the last eight months started to crumble as Anger started to take hold of her. She watched as he sighed and dropped his head into his hands, freeing her from the hold his eyes always had on her and something inside her just snapped.

“What was I supposed to say Beast Boy? And when exactly would have been a good time to tell you something like that?” His head came up as she whispered to him. She could hear her voice breaking as she spoke. She moved away from the stove, staring him down as her voice grew stronger.

“Was I supposed to tell you the morning after it happened even though while I was making love to you, you had been thinking about Terra? Had called out her name even as you reached for me?” he backed away as she moved out of the kitchen and towards him, stalking his movements as Grief and Anger screamed in her head. “Was I supposed to tell you when I found out I was pregnant even though you had just gotten back together with the woman you had told me on numerous occasions was the ‘love of your life’? The woman you thought you had been with that night? The one you were all over on the couch every day, the one in your bed every night?” She tried to push her emotions back, but they were too all consuming. “Was I supposed to tell you after I lost the b…baby, so you could feel the same heart-wrenching grief I have felt every day since then?” The back of his legs hit the couch, blocking his escape route as she continued to stalk him, she knew her eyes would be glowing red in the near darkness of the room.

She stopped an arm’s length from him, panting hard as she tried to restrain her powers before she broke something. She took a deep calming breath as she closed her eyes. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath…_ Her emotions started to quieten and Anger and Grief started to back off. When she opened her eyes again, they were back to their usual violet colouring. BB reached for her and she flinched back. Her emotions still weren’t stable and she didn’t want her fragile hold on them to break. She didn’t want to destroy another building. She took a few steps back as she examined the wounded look on his face. Now for the hardest part. _Be strong._

“Ok Gar…Beast Boy. You want the truth? That night was about two drunk, lonely people coming together for sex, nothing more. Was it satisfying? Yes. Did it change anything? No. Just because it resulted in me getting pregnant doesn’t mean we should treat it as anything more than what it was; a drunken mistake.” He was the one moving towards her now. His eyes were the ones filling with anger. She ignored the emotions coming off of him in waves and continued, knowing if she didn’t stop things now she may never have the strength to do it again. “I appreciate that you think you’ve been wronged in some way and that your masculine pride has been bruised but…” She stopped talking as BB did something that completely shocked her: he pulled her towards him, wrapped her in his arms and just held her.

Raven tried valiantly to keep her shields in place; no matter what her emotions tried to say, they would never work. They were just too different. She was darkness and he was light. They had absolutely nothing in common and any romantic relationship between them was doomed from the start. Even so, she melted into the hug, feeling safe in his arms. Grief returned and Raven gave in to the sadness she had been holding back for so long. “No matter how it was created, it was still our baby. You should have let me grieve with you.”

Raven nuzzled into his chest and sighed before pulling all the remnants of her self-control together and pulled away from him. She braced herself and forced out the words that she knew would hurt him the most. “Let’s be honest with each other here Beast Boy: neither of us have room for a baby in our lives and it would have forced us into roles we just aren’t ready for. I am hardly mother material, and having to play father to a kid you didn’t want that was conceived from a drunk one-night stand when you were just starting out your relationship with Terra again probably wasn’t high on things you wanted in your life either. It was probably best that things happened the way they did. Let’s just pretend that you didn’t figure out who the father was and you still think it was Garths’. That way no harm, no foul. We can both pretend nothing happened, ok?”

Raven watched as emotions flittered across his face; anger and sadness the most dominant, before he slipped on his emotionless mask and left the room. She tried not to show how badly she wanted to take it all back; how much she wanted to chase him down, go back into his arms and let him comfort her. But she knew it wouldn’t be fair to him and would only hurt him more in the long run.

Just because he and Terra were currently over didn’t mean Raven had become any more suitable for him. She was a freak and a monster and he was the most kind and compassionate person she knew. She wasn’t going to stain him with her darkness. She would die before she tainted him in that way. Soon enough he would find a woman who would make him happy, and this time she would do a better job of hiding her jealousy and playing the part of happy best-friend when he moved on with his life. No matter how much it would kill her to see him with someone else, she just wanted him to be happy.

*****

**BB turned into the wind as he used thermals to soar above the city he had called his home for almost 8 years. He had hoped that flying above it all as a hawk would clear his head, or at least give him a new perspective. All he could hear were her words repeating over and over again in his head. _It was probably best that things happened the way they did._ BB cursed internally as he had to do some quick manoeuvres or risk running into the billboard advertising some miracle new product or other. Hearing the woman you were in love with flat out tell you that losing your baby may have been the best for everyone concerned was shattering. Here he had been drowning in guilt and sadness and she was thanking her lucky stars.**

**BB thought back to their conversation and something struck him as wrong. If it had really meant so little to her, why was she so close to losing control? When she had stalked him across the room, eyes glowing red: he could have almost touched her grief it was so palpable. Then in the next breath she dismissed it. Something wasn’t right and BB planned to get to the bottom of it. Finishing his patrol of the perimeter, he flew down to the balcony attached to his room and changed back to his human form before going in out of the cold.**

**It was still hard to believe that she was finally back. Months of worry and loneliness and now she was back in his life again where she belonged. BB shook his head as he reminded himself that she was back because she was being hunted by some psycho who could be trying to hurt her, or at least wasn’t pulling their punches in trying to break up the Team. Thinking that Slade may have been sent by someone with a master plan was a terrifying thought that left BB a little nauseous.**

**Or that could be being near Raven and pretending that nothing had happened.**

**BB looked around his bedroom and was suddenly very happy he had never brought Terra here. Knowing that his apartment was being used to keep Raven safe made the Beast under his skin purr with satisfaction, a huge change to the restlessness and anger he was used to hearing from his inner-demon. _She is near, and she is safe. We are content for now._ It finally clicked that the reason the Beast wasn’t trying to claw his way to dominant personality was because it knew that Raven was nearby. **

**Either way, BB was determined that he wouldn’t let Raven push him away and he would protect her from anyone who dared to try and hurt her. If she really did love him like he loved her, and the team seemed very adamant that she did, then he wouldn’t be letting her go without a fight. _Our mate shall never leave our side again._ Pushing that somewhat possessive thought to the back of his mind, BB had a quick shower and went to bed, blissfully happy that he finally had the woman of his dreams in his life again. Now all they needed to do was get rid of this pesky stalker and all would be right in the world. _Your optimism amazes me._**

**When BB woke the next morning, he felt oddly refreshed. He stretched in his bed for a moment, a smile tugging at his face before he remembered the night before. Raven coming home, telling him their one night together had been a drunken mistake. Telling him losing their baby was for the best. The pain and anguish he felt until he realised she was hiding something from him again. At the forefront of it all was the promise he had made to himself that he would protect her no matter what.**

**BB looked around his room and something occurred to him that he had never really thought about. Looking around his room he realised that he had decorated with not just his own tastes in mind. The large TV and game console across from the bed were standard issue for him, but the rest of the room was a contrast of his and her tastes. The bed frame, end tables and doors were all the same Cherrywood as a trunk he and Raven had found in an antique store she had dragged him to years ago. The trunk now at the end of his bed after she insisted he buy it to store the things most important to him. The window seat and bedding were a golden shade that always reminded BB of his childhood home: of the sun shining through the trees in the jungles where he grew up. The walls were a similar colour, making the room feel warm and inviting. The bathroom and ensuite were separated by a glass fireplace with stones that reminded him of the campfires he and the team had circled around when Dick had taken them camping as a ‘team building exercise’. Even the ensuite itself was in an older style BB knew Raven liked, with modern touches to make it more functional. He hadn’t realised why he had been so insistent with the architects that there HAD to be a large porcelain claw foot tub, until he remembered the envious looks Raven had given the actress in a period drama who had been soaking in one. Even the walk in wardrobe had a ‘hers’ section with everything at the perfect height for someone Ravens size.**

**Looking around it now, he realised how oblivious he had been to his own feelings. How had he not realised he had been designing his inner sanctum to be comfortable for both himself and Raven? The rooms were a contrast of light and dark, like them. Of old world and modern, like them. It was a place he could imagine playing a videogame in bed while Raven leaned against him reading. Thoughts of bed and Raven brought up other images to mind but he squashed those down for now.**

**Trying to wrap his head around his own stupidity, BB went to his side of the wardrobe and got dressed for the day. He headed past the now empty photo wall, not wanting the others to guess exactly who owned the place just yet, and made his way to the kitchen where Raven and Star were eating breakfast.**

**“Good morning to you on this glorious day, friend Beast Boy!” BB chuckled as he was almost tackled by the perky alien girl. He looked over her shoulder to Raven who was doing her best to ignore him. He sometimes wondered how the two woman could be such close friends when they were so different, and not just their personalities. Star was wearing a cheerful yellow singlet top and a light denim skirt and white wedges that made her almost the same height as him, while Raven was wearing a dark purple hoodie and black leggings with black flats. He returned the hug and moved towards the fridge. “I’m going to make tofu eggs; anyone want some?” They both replied in the negative and he carefully pulled out the ingredient to get started. “Does anyone know who owns this place?” Raven’s question caused BB to pause for a moment before he started to cook up his ‘eggs’.**

**“I am not sure, though the room where I am residing is most comfortable. Is your room not to your taste?” BB’s ears perked up as he listened for her answer. When he had found out that Raven had needed to be put in a safe house, he had balked at Batman’s’ idea that she should stay in Gotham until it was all over. After just finding her again, the idea of her slipping through his fingers before he had a chance to talk to her, be near her, had set his Beast on edge.**

**Instead he had quickly taken Dick aside and suggested his place near the Jump U campus. Dick had resisted at first, but it was under an alias and in a city the whole team was familiar with, and since BB owned the whole building it had top of the line security. Best of all, Terra knew nothing about it so it was safer than a lot of alternatives. Dick had agreed to suggest it as their safe house and had sworn not to mention who it belonged to.**

**Since he rarely stayed here, only the main rooms and his bedroom had been furnished. He’d had to go out and furnish the other 3 bedrooms before the others got here so they didn’t all have to share his room. He wouldn’t have minded if it had just been Raven, but sharing a room with a fighting couple, especially Dick and Star, was not high on his bucket list.**

**He had made sure to think of the comfort of the people he was buying the furniture for. Star’s room was bright and airy mixture of blues and light pine, Dicks was a mixture of blacks and blues that would also work for Cy when Dick got his head out of his arse and apologised to Star. Raven’s was a dark mix of purples and walnut furniture. He had made sure that Roy and Wally moved all of her stuff out of storage so she felt comfortable there. He secretly hoped that if she felt enough at home, she wouldn’t want to leave.**

**BB supressed a small smirk at the happy sigh Raven gave. “My room is just fine Star. I guess Roy and Wally knew I was going to be staying here so they brought a lot of the stuff I had moved out of the Tower and brought them here.” BB realised what she had just admitted and turned in time to see Raven realising her mistake as Stars face fell. “You moved your possessions out of the Tower? Why did no-one tell me this?” Raven went to speak but BB cut her off. “Sorry Star, but you’ve had enough on you plate with the whole fight with Dick about Batgirl, I didn’t want to add to it.” Raven looked at him with a raised eyebrow and decided to explain their teammates fight instead of answering the question of how he knew she had moved stuff out of her room.**

**“Dick apparently forgot to mention to Star that he and Batgirl were more than just friends when he was still Robin in Gotham, even going so far as to invite her to the wedding before Star found out.” Star sniffed “She was one of his oats.” Raven looked between him and Star and he could see she was warring between asking what the hell Star was talking about and laughing her ass of at the seriously obscure statement.**

**“She means that Barb was one the wild oats he sowed in his youth before he met Star. Dick doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with inviting Barbara to the wedding and Stars upset because he’s living up to his name.” Raven nodded and gave a small smile at his last statement.**

**God how he missed that smile.**

**Both of them looked over at Star as she glared at a magazine she had brought out of her large purple tote she had brought with her. BB frowned as Raven moved behind her friend and sighed. Star jumped and looked at Raven guiltily as she dropped the magazine on the counter and rushed to her room. BB moved to go after her when Raven put up her hand. “Let me.” BB watched as Raven ascended the stairs to the bedrooms. BB looked over to the magazine and cursed under his breath. _What a mess._**

*****

Raven sighed internally as she followed her weeping friend to her room, saying a few choice words under her breath. “Star, why are you suddenly so…sensitive about Dick and Barbara? You had to have known you weren’t his first girlfriend.” Star stared at her hands as she picked at a stray thread on the hem of her denim skirt as she sat on the edge of the large light blue bed. “It is no surprise to me that other females would see the things I so admire in him, no.” Raven sat near her friend, still wary about getting too close to people but knew if she kept too much distance it would upset Star more. “Then what is it?” Star sighed and clasped her hands in her lap. “I believe it is that she is someone who has not only known him for a longer period of time, but also knows a great deal more about him than I do.” Star paused and Raven waited for her to continue.

“Dick introduced me to her the second time we ventured to Gotham as a couple, and it was obvious that the two were very…close. To find out just how close gives me an upset feeling inside to know that not only was he with her how he is with me, but that she was permitted to see more of him than I ever have.”

Raven snorted, “I’m pretty sure you’ve seen every inch of him at this point Kori.” The Tamaranean looked at her and giggled as she blushed. “You know that is not what I meant.” Star stopped giggling and sighed.

“She has known him since he was young, has battled beside him as I have done but she was there with him as he learnt and stumbled where I have only seen the results of his training and hard-work. She was there when he was adjusting to a new family when I have only seen the detachment he keeps to protect himself as he learnt to do from his father. She is the one he confides in and who knows what he is thinking because they were taught to think and reason by the same mentor while I am the one he conceals things from and ‘protects’ from seeing behind the mask he hides behind. She is the one he lets close; I am the one he keeps at a distance. To know that she was all of those things to him and also a lover…how am I to compete with a woman who is more a soul-mate to my future husband than I am?” Star burst into tears and Raven didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t realise that Star felt so left out of Dick’s life and she could understand how it would be upsetting to feel like the other woman in your own relationship.

“Star, don’t you think if Dick wanted to keep having that kind of relationship with her he would have?” Star sniffed and moved to the computer Cy had installed in her room. “He left Gotham for reasons he has never confided to me. He and Barbara separated when he came to Jump City. That separation was only temporary.” Star pulled up photos dating back 9 years. They were of tabloid photos of Dick and Barbara posing at black-tie events, candids of them at parks and the usual teenage date spots. All of them showed the pair looking very cosy and close, some of the candids even showed the pair kissing when they probably thought no-one was looking.

“Star, you can’t damn him for a relationship he had before the two of you even met, let alone started dating.” Star didn’t say a word.  She pulled up a more recent photo, a copy of the one she had been staring at earlier dated a year after Tokyo. In the photo Dick and Barbara were side by side at a charity event hosted by Bruce Wayne himself. Neither of them were looking at the camera, Dick was smiling as Barbara was whispering something in his ear. Their leader looked handsome in his tux and the beautiful red-head looked stunning in a form-fitting slinky navy blue dress. “You only _just_ found these? I thought you were all over celebrity gossip when it had to do with superheroes, you’re usually as bad as Beast Boy.” Star looked away and hung her head. “I admit I saw them when they first appeared, but was reassured by Di… _Nightwing_ that the media was ‘rotating it to sell papers’. That was when I believed they had only ever been friends. Now I feel doubt in my heart and it pains me to feel such a thing for my fiancé before our wedding has even taken place.”

Raven ran a hand through her hair, trying to think of the best way to reassure her friend without sending her into another flood of tears. “Have you actually _told_ him how you feeling, or have you just been giving him the silent treatment?” Star raised her head, and Raven was saddened to see how close her friend was to breaking down. “I tried to speak to him about my unease but he was very defensive and insisted that his past was private and had little bearing on the present. I have tried to communicate with him about these feelings since then but he is so busy with reports, training and patrol schedules, and searching for the people trying to hurt us…I feel that taking time from these things would only end in an argument and continued distance. I do not wish for him to feel pressured by my presence in his life.”

Raven tentatively engulfed the other woman in a hug, careful to keep her shields in place. “You aren’t a bother to him, Kori. He loves you and I think the tension is only going to get worse if you two don’t talk about it. You know how he gets; he retreats behind his defences sometimes and it takes a monumental disaster for him to admit he might have done something wrong; like say, not mentioning that his close friend he invited to your wedding is actually a close friend/ex-girlfriend.”

Star rested her head on Raven’s shoulder and sighed. “I know you are right friend Raven. If we cannot communicate now, there is little hope for our marriage. I just do not want him to wake up one day and realise he married me because he believed he had to, not because he truly loved me. I do not wish our marriage to be a darkness he carries within his heart.” Star hugged Raven, thankfully not breaking any bones, and the two sat in comfortable silence as they watched horror movies in Stars’ room for the rest of the afternoon.

*****

**BB watched Raven follow Star out of the room with a frown. He had noticed that the closer they got to her wedding day, the sadder Star seemed to get. BB looked at the magazine and frowned, hearing soft footsteps approaching. “Hey BB, what have you got there?” BB looked up from the picture of Nightwing and Batgirl incognito and glared at Dick and showed him the magazine.**

**Dick rolled his eyes and flopped onto the couch. “Don’t show that to Star, you’ll just get her upset again. I’m getting really tired of her making something out of me and Barb.” BB repressed a growl at his ‘fearless leaders’ cavalier attitude towards his future wife’s insecurities. “Too late, it’s her magazine.” Dick sighed and dropped his head on the back of the couch. “Crap. I was hoping today was going to be argument free.” BB honestly couldn’t believe what he was hearing and told his friend just that.**

**“Look, I don’t really want yours or anyone else’s opinions on this. This ridiculousness is between me and Star so butt out of it.” _It’s like he’s never met you._ As much as he wanted to punch his friend until he removed his head from his arse, BB thought it would probably go better if he tried a more…diplomatic approach. As Plan A anyway. Plan B would likely be more violent. “You’re telling me you have no empathy for where Star is coming from? None at all?” Dick looked away, but shook his head. _Stubborn prick._**

**“Do you remember when Star said she was leaving the Titans because she was going back to Tamarin to get married? You flipped out! Then she told us she had never even met the guy she was supposed to marry? And that she was a princess? And then we found out it was all some power grab by Blackfire and all hell broke loose?” BB rolled his eyes as Dick shrugged his shoulders. BB didn’t miss how his friend tensed at the mention of Star almost being married to someone else, large green slime monster or not. “What about when we met Val Yor and we were hanging on his every word? Until we realised that Troq was anything but a form of endearment?” It was Dick’s turn to growl under his breath as he remembered the silver alien that had belittled their friend right under their noses.**

**“What’s your point Beast Boy?” BB sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “My point is: how you view the world and certain things like say; the relationships between your fiancé and his friend, can change depending on the information you have. It was one thing when you invited your childhood friend and former Bat-sidekick to your and Kori’s wedding. It’s another thing entirely when you invite a woman you are not only extremely close to but also have had a long term romantic relationship with, to your wedding without telling your future wife that Barbara is your ex until AFTER Star figured it out herself. Add to that that Star is probably feeling wary about the fact that this is just another thing to add to the never-ending list titled ‘Things I didn’t know about my future husband’ and I’d say you don’t really have a leg to stand on in this fight. Face it; you messed up _bad_ this time dude.” BB watched as Dick tried to come up with a reason he was still right in this situation. “Whether or not Barb and I used to date shouldn’t matter. I’m marrying Star. If she really trusted me, it shouldn’t make a difference whether Barb and I were just friends or…more.” **

**Dick did not look happy when BB started to laugh. “Dude, it would be like me inviting Terra to my wedding without telling my would-be bride that we had this whole twisted friends/ lovers/ enemy’s relationship thing that would make Shakespeare envious. Try to imagine the situation in reverse; If Star was friends with a guy she had known since she was practically a kid, a guy she grew up with and was pretty much the only person who saw every side of who she was, sides she showed you very little of, and invited him to your wedding you would probably be fine with it. Maybe a little jealous of their relationship but you’d go along with it to make her happy.” BB paused to make sure Dick was still paying attention.**

**“Now imagine if you found out they weren’t just close friends, but had been dating hot and heavy, off and on for years before Star left Tamarin and came to Earth, and even after she called Jump City her home. Would you still be fine with it knowing he was probably her first love, her first kiss and possibly her first…you know. Can you look me in the eye and tell me it wouldn’t seriously damage your faith in her and by extension your relationship for not telling you something that important before you sent out the invites?” BB could see Dick cracking and decided to push his point home. He picked up the discarded magazine and showed Dick the photo again. “If it was Star and the other man in this photo, could you really tell me you would completely trust that they felt nothing but friendship for each other anymore?” Dick took a long hard look at the picture before he stood up and left the room.**

**“Bout time someone explained it to him. If it was me though, I would have just punched him.” BB smiled as Cy leaned in the opposite doorway than Dick had just left through. “That was Plan B.”**

*****

Raven debated whether or not to interfere in her friends love life. Being a confidant and sounding board to her orange friend was one thing, going a step further and calling her friends fiancé on his bullshit was another. Being both of their friend helped ease her conscious as she found Dick sitting on the roof of the townhouse, looking out at the sunset in concentration. “I thought you might be up here.” Raven glided up behind him and waited for him to acknowledge her.

“You’re not supposed to be up here, you’re under house arrest. So, if you’re here to tell me why Starfire and my fight is all my fault, BB beat you to it.” Hearing that BB had already confronted him made a little spark ignite in her heart. _Now’s not the time to pine over how sweet Gar is to his friends, tear bird-boy a new one already._ Raven did an internal eye-roll at Anger’s thirst for pain, but acknowledged now was not the time to focus on BB.

Star and Dick needed to sort this out or there might not be a wedding. _No pink and frilly bridesmaid dress._ Raven pushed the thought aside and concentrated on the man in front of her.

“I don’t know what BB said to you. I don’t really think there is anything **I** can say to you that will get you to change your point of view. This isn’t about me, or Beast Boy or Cyborg. This isn’t about the Titans or saving the world. This is about you and Kori, and whether either of you has the courage to start a difficult conversation when both of you are so afraid to delve into what is really at the heart of this. So I’m not going to say anything. Instead I’m going to give you this and I hope it makes things a little clearer.” Raven placed the crystal ball she had used to capture her and Star’s conversation earlier when she had followed her friend into her room. She usually hated to make that sort of thing without asking the other persons’ consent first, but Raven knew deep down that Star would never admit these particular insecurities to Dick because she worried they would make him view her as weak or whiney and therefore an unsuitable wife. An old fear carried over from her upbringing on Tamarin. Raven moved towards the door, pausing only slightly as her own voice carried out to her across the rooftop.

“Star, why are you suddenly so…sensitive about Dick and Barbara?”

****


	17. Robstar

NOTE: Normal is Raven, **Bold is Starfire,** _Italic is thoughts/dreams_.

* * *

 

 

The next few days were spent hanging around the mystery apartment, waiting for their foe to show their hand. The others regularly went out on patrols, missions, and took shifts between the apartment and the Tower so no-one, especially their mystery villain, knew that anything was out of the ordinary. Their plan was to make it look like the cameras had been picked up on a random sweep of the Tower, which meant they had to act as if everything was normal. Which left Raven in the apartment with a rotating roster of babysitters from the team. The only ones outside the team who knew Raven was in town were Roy and Wally, who knew how to keep a secret, and Elasti-girl, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Wonder Woman and Batman who **_really_** knew how to keep a secret.

Raven sighed and thumped her head onto the back of the couch. She never knew she could actually get bored of reading. She had always had a passion for books, but not being able to go out or do anything was making her a little stir-crazy. A soft beeping sound drew her attention to her new phone. She smiled as she turned over the flat purple device and realised she had gotten a text from one of her friends from Africa.

While she had been travelling through the beautiful and wild country she had met up with a group of students doing relief work for a few weeks during summer vacation. She had met the four of them in a remote village where they had been digging wells to bring fresh water to the village, saving the villagers the hours walk to the nearest river.  Patrick had been the leader of the little group; tall and skinny with sun-bleached hair, tanned skin and light blue eyes, he was the typical green-peace do-gooder with a heart of gold. His girlfriend Tamsin, petite brunette with caramel skin and deep brown eyes and practical nature was the one who generally stopped Patrick when he started on one of his ‘people are the true animals’ speeches. Raven had a feeling that Patrick and BB would get along just fine, and found his presence comforting in the moments she missed home. Jerry, average height and muscular with dark brown skin, hair and eyes, had decided to return to the country of his birth to try and help the people who still called it home. Derek, tall and fit with light brown hair, grey eyes and tanned skin, was there as part of his degree in Environmental Studies. To say the four were shocked to not only meet a superhero in the flesh, but on her own going from village to village using her powers to heal the sick and injured, would be an understatement. Once they had gotten over the shock, the five of them had become fast friends.

Raven could still remember nights spent near the campfire, not for warmth but to try and keep predators at bay, each telling stories of their life back home or tales from similar travels abroad. Raven was fascinated with their normal lives, while they were hanging on her every word when she told stories of previous missions, or the rigorous training Nightwing insisted on, and generally what superheros were really like when they were ‘off duty’. They seemed disapointed that their off duty hours were spent in a similar fashion to their own: hanging out with friends, catching up on late homework and trying to have some semblance of a social life. She could still remember their cringes when she mentioned Starfire’s love of mustard. “What do you mean on EVERYTHING? How can she stand it?” Tamsin had cringed. Raven had just smiled. “If you had ever had the misfortune of tasting the ‘pudding of sadness’ you might understand. Tamaranean’s have a slightly different palate than we do. It keeps her happy, which is the most important thing.” They had spent many nights this way, and it had been sad when they had to part ways when Raven had run into Rita.

Now it seemed they might have the chance to meet up again, this time a little closer to home.

_Hey girl! We just got off our plane and you won’t believe it, we have a stopover for a couple of days in Jump City! Something about a storm front coming through and grounding all flights in and out. You left so suddenly, we guessed that something happened with the team that called you home. Any chance the big not-so-bad superhero could take some time out and hang with some friends today or tomorrow? Text me back ASAP to set it up. –T_

The front door opened and closed. Raven glanced up from her phone to watch Dick striding towards the kitchen, his mind obviously elsewhere if he hadn’t even noticed her on the couch.

Ever since BB and Dick had a ‘talk’ and Raven had given him the crystal ball with her and Star’s conversation, Dick had been quiet. Not that he was mister chatter-box before but now he only communicated in grunts and long and detailed emails. It was getting annoying. Knowing it was probably not a good time, but she was working against the clock, Raven decided to breach the subject before he disappeared into his room for the night.

“Dick, do you have a minute?” It said a lot about where his head was that he reacted to her presence by reaching for his utility belt before realising it was her. “Oh, hey Raven, didn’t see you there. Sure, what’s up?” Raven moved off the couch and joined him in the kitchen.

“When I was away, I made a few friends. They have a stopover for a few days and I want to go catch-up with them before they go home.” She knew by the way he was furrowing his brow at her that she probably wouldn’t like what he said next.

“Raven, there is a psycho hunting you down for god knows what reason and you want to come out of hiding to go meet up with some friends you met while you were away? What makes you think one of them isn’t working for this guy?” Raven repressed the eye roll at Dick’s paranoia. “Africa is hardly a small country; how would he or she know where to send them when you guys didn’t even know where I was? I’m not giving this weirdo the satisfaction of running scared. If it makes you feel better, I’ll give you their names and you can do a background check.” Dick shook his head and finally relented. “We can arrange a safe place for you to meet your friends but ONLY after I run background checks to make sure they aren’t evil minions who will kidnap you and take you to their master, ok?” Raven nodded solemnly, trying to tamp down the urge to buck the rules and do as she wished, like before this all began. Raven might not really be a rebel, but she was never one to allow someone else to restrict her movements or dictate to her what to do with her life. After so long away it was difficult to let her overprotective family restrict her access to the outside world. She moved back to the couch to finish her book.

They sound of keys in the lock made Raven’s head jerk towards the front door and attempt to move lower on the couch so she couldn’t be seen straight away. “He’s on patrol tonight.” Raven straightened and tried to pretend that she had just be stretching, ignoring Dick’s smirk as the front door opened and Star walked in. Her use of the holo-ring and her outfit suggested she had just been at a shoot as Kori Anders, hottest new model in Jump City. Raven had to admit that the choice of career was perfect for the stunning alien girl, and it wouldn’t look weird for the oldest son of a billionaire to marry a model. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Dick had suggested to Star that, even if she didn’t need the money, having something that was primarily hers and was separate from their superhero lives might help distract her while Raven was gone and everything else was spinning out of their control.  Star had told Raven it was a relief to have an identity outside the Team, even one that drew about as much attention as her normal Tamaranean appearance.

Raven supressed a chuckle as Dick veered between openly staring and trying to act aloof. If anyone could pull it off, he could. He certainly had enough practice from before he even admitted he liked his fellow Titan. Star noticed the others in the room, smiled at Raven and nodded at Dick before going up the stair to her room. Raven watched as Dick stared longingly after her before he realised what he was doing and put his indifferent mask firmly in place.

“You know, without a doubt, how she feels now. How much longer are you going to pussy-foot around before you go to her and sort this thing out?” Raven was usually one to let her friends sort out their own problems by themselves and only gave her opinion when she was asked for it. Since she came back, however, she realised that if someone didn’t knock some sense into Dick, he would keep pushing Star away until she left him. It was his defence mechanism and Raven wasn’t going to sit idly by as her friends broke their own hearts because they were each too scared of rejection.

“It’s not as simple as that Raven. I’m not sure I can be the man she wants me to be. I’m not open about my past, you’ve seen inside my head so you know why I keep people at a distance. She deserves to be with someone who can be completely open and honest with her. Not a broken man who hasn’t moved past his troubled childhood. She deserves better.”

Raven had never heard anything so ridiculous in her life. “First of all, it’s a bit late in the game to be deciding something like that; if you didn’t want to be with her, then you shouldn’t have proposed to her or even dated her in the first place. Second of all, don’t you _dare_ decide for her what she wants. You may think she deserves better but she wants you. As frustrating as you probably are to be with, she had decided that she wants to marry you and it isn’t fair of you to try to decide for her that you shouldn’t be together for her sake. Most of her life has been dictated by other people. Even being a princess, she rarely had a say in anything she did. Remember her arranged marriage? It was only after she came to Earth that she had gotten to make her own decisions at all so do NOT take that away because you think you know what’s best for her better than she does. It’s disrespectful to her and you should know her and trust her better than that. Finally, the only reason you don’t think you’re the man she wants is because you’re afraid of letting her see you, the real you that no-one else sees, because you think she can’t handle it. She can.”

“She survived her planet being almost destroyed by the Gordanians. She has survived being traded as a slave to them by Blackfire. She survived losing both of her parents to grief when she was sent to the Citadel. She not only survived, but thrived, on an alien planet where there is no-one who’s like her and whose customs often mystify her. Despite her past, or maybe even because of it, she is one of the strongest people either of us knows. She loves you, Dick. Don’t toss her feeling and wants aside because letting her in is hard. We both know that if she leaves you, it will destroy you. You’d survive but you’d never be the same. You love her more than anyone else on the planet. Now it’s time to have a little faith in her, and let her see the real you.”

Raven got off the couch and moved past Dick who was staring intently at his feet as she went past him. She stopped suddenly and spun towards him, an earlier message from Cy coming to mind. “By the way Cy says that it’s yours and Star’s night to watch the Tower.” Raven paused as Dicks head fell forward into his hands and groaned. She let a small smirk out before she continued. “I suggest you make use of the privacy and finally have the conversation you have been avoiding while you have the privacy to yell to your hearts content.” With the message delivered, Raven went up to her room to meditate, glad they would be far away when they let their emotions loose.

 

*****

**“You are not the only one who has a past Richard!” Star had tried to keep her emotions hidden, knowing her fiancé usually shut down when she got too emotional in an argument, but they had been fighting too long to keep burying everything she was feeling. Dick put up his hands as if to placate her, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He never let his emotionless-mask slip, never put his need for control aside for a moment. It frustrated her that even when she felt like their relationship was crumbling around them he always acted as if everything was completely in hand. It made her want to tear her hair out and scream like a Grisnek. She resisted the urge. Barely. Instead she squared off against him and took a deep breath. Enough was enough, they had to sweep the air between them. Only then could they decide whether they could move forward or whether their relationship was beyond repair.**

**“I understand why you do not wish to dwell on the painful parts of your past; I have not told you many things either, but that does not change the fact that I know very little about Richard Grayson the person. You have shown me some of the masks you wear; the steadfast leader, the observant detective, the skilled warrior, the devoted student, the compassionate friend. But you never let me see beyond the many faces you show the rest of the world. You keep me at a distance, never lowering the shields you keep in place to protect yourself. All I want is a glimpse, a small part of you that is mine alone that I can keep in my heart where you have so completely taken over. I have given you all I can possibly give when I feel that I know little of the person I have pledged to marry and love forever.”**

**Dick sighed and ran his hands through his hair roughly, something he only did when facing a puzzle he just couldn’t figure out. Star took a deep breath, someone needed to begin the discussion. “How about we play 2 truths and a lie then.”**

**Star’s gaze shot to his. He reached for her hand and led her to the couch. “What is that?”**

**Dick smiled and sat next to her. “It’s an icebreaker used to get to know someone. We went from strangers, to team-mates and friends, to something more, to…what we are now. We never really did the standard getting to know each other things most people do. We focused on learning to fight together as a team instead of learning about each other as people.” Star snuggled into the couch, watching Dick rub near his eyes where his mask usually sat.**

**“How do we play this game?”**

**“We each say three statements about ourselves. Two will be true and one will be a lie, it’s the other person’s task to guess which is which. We’ll start off with basic stuff and see how we go, ok?” At her nod he continued.**

**“I’ll go first:**

  1. **I have 2 back up jars of hair gel at all times in our bathroom**
  2. **I’d _live_ on pepperoni pizza if I could**
  3. **I won a pie eating contest against Wally and Roy.”**



**Star giggled “I doubt anyone could beat Wally at any contest where food is involved, even you.” Dick smiled and motioned to her. She bit her lip and continued their game.**

  1. **I believe mustard is one of the greatest of Earths creations**
  2. **My hair is naturally yellow**
  3. **I had the feelings for you from the first day we met but was worried I was too different for you to feel the same for me.**



**Dick gently picked up her left hand and looked at her as he kissed her palm, then her engagement ring, which made her blush. “I happen to like different, and we both know your hair is naturally that beautiful colour.”**

**They continued playing, going from favourite movies, bands, missions, team memories, to heavier stuff like their families; including how Dick ended up with Batman in the first place and why Star had been on the way to the Citadel when she crash landed on Earth (he let her get it out even though he had heard some of it already from Galfore), their worst fears for the future and their worries about their relationship. About half way through, the game fizzled out and they just talked, something that was usually interrupted by a villain alert or a wayward team-mate looking for some company or trying to kill each other for some imagined slight while Mum and Dad were busy. The sunlight was just beginning to peak over the surface of the lake when they realised they had been up all night talking and hadn’t fought once since they started the game. Not including Star having to stop Dick from hunting down Blackfire, and Dick dissuading Star from taking on what was left of Tony Zucco’s crew who weren’t already in prison or dead.**

**More or less talked out after 6 hours, Star snuggled into Dicks arms on the couch and drifted off to sleep, happy to finally know some of the things that made Dick who he was and grateful he had finally trusted her enough to let her in. If only just a little.**


	18. Best Laid Plans

Raven sat in a lotus position hovering just above the purple blanket covering her bed trying to block out the emotions of the other people in the apartment building. This was one of the main reasons she had been so happy when the Team had taken up residence on their own island; she still had to contend with her teammates emotions when her shields weakened but it was better than being bombarded with the emotions of 20+ people all at once. A soft knock brought her away from the swirl of other people’s emotions and back to reality. “Come in, Vic.” Rae called out to her visitor, his metal against wood knock giving away his identity. She brought her shields back up as he entered the room. “Just wanted to check in. Dick and Star have already left for the Tower and BB is on patrol with Speedy, so it’s just us tonight” Rae waited for her big brother to continue, she could almost feel his need to ask her something it was so palpable. When he just continued to lean in her doorway, keeping the wall upright with his not-so insignificant robot bulk, Rae decided to poke him a little. “Was there something specific you want to discuss or should I just start making meaningless observations about nimbus cloud formations?” Vic looked puzzled before he apparently got the joke and smiled at her. “I get it, don’t start talking about the weather.” Vic moved through the doorway, shutting the door behind him and sat on the end of her bed, being careful to still give her some space.

Rae wasn’t sure if her friends new need to keep a physical distance from her was them trying to be considerate of her or because they were afraid of getting too close to her. She had always known a day would come when her family would realise how dangerous she truly was. What she hadn’t fully considered was how much their possible fear would sting. She was sorely tempted to let her walls down a little and get a gage on Vic’s emotions, but she knew it would be like reading someone’s diary without telling them; a complete breach of privacy. As much as she would like to know one way or the other, she felt the trust between her and her friends was fragile enough that it might break if she did something so selfish.

“I just wanted to clear some things up. With everything going on, we haven’t really had a chance to…talk since you got back.” _Oh hell._ Vic pausing before saying ‘talk’ usually meant she was in for a big brother to little sister lecture; like the one about Aqualads’ visits to her room in the middle of the night, or her tendency to withdraw into her shell when her emotions got too overwhelming. Rae lowered herself onto her bed and braced herself for Vic’s ‘meant to be kind but usually disapproving’ lecture. “I think I know the answer to this question but I still feel I need to ask.” Rae waited for him to continue, noting his seemingly uneasy state with mild alarm. _This can’t be good._

“Are you in love with Beast Boy?”

Rae let the silence hang in the room as she contemplated her reply and tried hard not to let her powers run amok and destroy everything in sight. Remembering what Dick said about the best defence was a good offence she decided to try their leaders most annoying tendency in situations such as this. “That’s rather sudden isn’t it? Are you sure you shouldn’t have eased into that question a little more? Or, you know, at all?” Vic crossed his arms and stared her in the eyes, apparently not going along with her pathetic attempt to stall. Realising answering a question with a question wasn’t working, the best way to get through this conversation with the least amount of pain and embarrassment might just be to push through it no matter how awkward that might turn out to be. She gave in and decided to be direct. _When are you ever anything else?_ “Quite you.” Rae blushed as Vic raised his eyebrow, realising she had spoken the reprimand out loud. “Not you, Vic. The voices in my head are being vocal today, no need to be alarmed.” When Vic just kept staring at her she folded. “Why is this such a big thing all of a sudden? Whatever I may or may not feel for the green idiot, nothing can ever come from it. We’re too different. Terra might have been a back-stabbing bitch but she was a much better fit for Gar than I could ever be. He needs someone who’s fun-loving and kind and outgoing and sweet and goofy and a hell of a lot of other things I’m not. Wanting anything more than we already have is foolish and will only lead to pain. And when it ends, which we both know would happen eventually, I would have to watch the precession of women that would follow as he attempted to get over me or until he found one he liked enough for him to keep which could possibly be worse. Ending it now before it could damage the Team or either of us is the best way to go for everyone concerned.”

Rae couldn’t look Vic in the eye, knowing that he was probably waring between being Gar’s best bro and her brother. “Raven, I know that you have trouble with emotions…” He glared at her when she snorted. “But I don’t want you to look up one day and realise that while you’ve been doing your ‘He deserves better’ martyr routine, the guy you’ve been in love with for years has moved on without you. No matter what you think you and green beans differences are what make you great together. I’ve never seen anyone bring you out of your shell like he does, he’s always been the one to badger you into spending more time outside your room. And you may say you’re not good for him but he’s a lot more settled around you, less hyper than he was when he was a kid and you always listen to him even when he’s annoying the hell out of you and you show him a different way to think about things. You round each other out in a way that no-one else can. You trust each other and respect each other’s opinions, to a degree, and it shows. Now if you can get out of your own damn way and admit that you love each other then you two can start making us all uncomfortable with P.D.A’s like Dick and Star.” Rae ignored her emoticlones cheers of agreement. “I’m not being a martyr Vic. Yes, I love him and there’s nothing I want more than to be able to run into his arms and never let him go.” Raven took a deep shuddering breath as she pushed the images of doing just that out of her mind and braced herself against the ache in her chest that accompanied it. “But too much has happened and I wouldn’t know whether or not it was guilt driving his actions. I just think that he deserves to be with someone who he can be happy with, not someone who has to watch every little thought and feeling in case it causes their powers to go feral and make something explode.”

Vic gave her a small, sad smile. “Shouldn’t he decide for himself whether or not he wants to be with you?” ‘… _don’t you dare decide for her what she wants. You may think she deserves better but she wants you.’_ Her earlier words to Dick struck her suddenly and she realised how similar their situations were. Well not exactly; Dick and Star were clearly meant to be together and anyone could see that they loved each other. “You’re thinking about what you said to Dick, aren’t you?” Raven’s gaze shot to his as he gave her a knowing smirk. “BB and I heard you chewing him out. I think it was the final kick in the ass he needed. Dick has always had certain ideas on what it takes to be a hero and he was never very good at making them line up with the kind of life he wanted in the everyday. I really hope it isn’t too late for them, they both deserve to be happy.” He gave her a stern look. “So do other people I know.” With his final parting shot, he left Raven to her thoughts. And the annoying realisation that she had finally admitted the truth to someone other than her emoticlones. _I love him._ “Well, crap.”

 

The next afternoon Rae was sitting on the couch again re-reading a copy of _Icemark_ she had found in one of the many shelves in the library. Whoever owned the place must be an avid reader, they had books on everything from zoology textbooks to tomes on the occult, some she hadn’t even heard of before. She ducked lower into the couch when she heard voices and the front door opened. Peaking over the top of the couch she saw a giggling Star pull a smiling Dick down for a kiss that was anything but brief as they leaned against the now closed door. Ignoring the similarities to a scene she had tried to forget, Raven coughed loudly to let the couple know they weren’t alone. It took 3 coughs before the pair came up for air and face Rae out of breath and blushing bright red. “Raven, we didn’t realise…I mean we didn’t think anyone…well, what are you doing up so early?” Raven tried to hide her smirk as she looked at the clock on the wall and outside to the sun high in the sky before looking back at her friends with eyebrow raised. “Right, well. *cough* anyway, the background checks on your friends came in and they check out. If they still want to meet up with you, tell them you’ll meet them at _Oblivion_ tonight at 10pm. The bouncer will have their names and since it’s owned by Green Arrow and a known superhero club, it should be a safe place to meet them.”

“Why tonight?” Rae asked, noting how the redhead nearly bounced in place with excitement. _Oh, this can’t be good._ “It wasn’t my idea.” Rae took a deep breath in at Dicks’ admission and braced herself for the verbal explosion that seemed imminent with the feeling of joy and anxiety coming through her shields from the alien girl. “Friend Raven, you have been away for many month, and many of your friends and fellow superheros have missed you dearly. When _someone_ ” Star glared at Dick when he muttered _Hairboy_ , “let it loose that you were not only back but in town and also in danger, it was decided that a small gathering was necessary to talk tactics to ensure that you were fully protected while also allowing those who missed you to see you and interact with you.” Rae rolled her eyes and moved to sit on the couches arm rest. “What you mean is Roy blabbed that I was back in town and the others want to use it as an excuse to party. Am I right?”

Star floated over to Rae and took her friends hands in her own. “It is not an excuse. I, as well as many others, wish to celebrate the return of someone we call friend. Roy never needs something as silly as an _excuse_ to party. We all just missed you, friend. And now you have returned we wish to mark the occasion with music and revelry!” Rae looked between her excited friend to her fiancé who was trying very hard not to laugh while putting away the groceries he and Star had picked up on the way over. “There’s no way to get out of this is there?” Rae asked, her face and tone deadpanned. Star squealed and engulfed Raven in a nearly crushing hug, taking her statement as acceptance. “Oh friend, it shall be a wonderful night of dancing and joyous music!” Dick smiled at her “Weren’t you the one that how ‘enjoyable’ the pounding music and blinding lights were on your first time in a club?” Star released Raven and pouted. “It was something that I had yet to grow accustomed to. On Tamaran, when my people made such noises it was to mark the start of a battle, not a way to enjoy each other’s company. Since coming to Earth I have learnt to accept such events as a normal part of human to human interaction.” Rae sighed, very much wanting to point out that it was only a ‘normal part of interaction’ to some humans, not all. Then again neither woman really classified as ‘normal’ even for their own races. “Does that mean…” Star turned back to Rae smiling a nearly blinding smile, never a good sign. “Yes! We shall be doing the make-overs and having the ‘girl-talk’ as we prepare ourselves for the nights’ festivities. But first, we must go SHOPPING!!” Rae’s protests about safety and people trying to find and kill her (which she might actually prefer to a shopping trip with a newly re-invigorated in love Starfire) as Star more or less dragged her out the door past her smirking fiancé, who she quickly went back to and smooched before pushing Rae through the door.

 

 

*****

BB paced in the living room and checked the clock for the fourth time in the last 15 minutes and fiddled with the chain in his pocket. _How long does it possibly take to get ready?_ One side of him argued that it wasn’t even time for them to leave yet and they had 20 minutes before they were actually late. The other side, mainly the Beast, argued that it was far too long since he had seen Raven and ensured that she was still unharmed. Hearing movement on the stairs, he quietened both voices as he turned to greet his companions for the night. Dick was in his usual nondescript black attire, with mask, the only piece of colour was a blue tie with a NW on the end. Vic was wearing his holo-ring that turned him back into the pre-car crash version of himself so he’s be able to blend into the crowd and keep an eye on Raven without drawing attention to himself. He wore a similar get up as Dick, but he wore a dark blue shirt and black tie. BB looked down at him black strategically town jeans, black high-tops, faded purple t-shirt and black leather jacket and wondered if he was underdressed. Dick fiddled with his cuffs before he went to the bottom of the stairs to help his fiancé down the final few steps. Even though she had more or less mastered the art of walking in high heels, Dick was still protective of Star, probably more so tonight when she was wearing 4 inch heels that made her the same height as him. She wore a knee-length long sleeved black dress that was a lot more modest than what she usually wore. Not that what she usually wore was all that flashy, but she trained hard and was never shy about how amazing she looked. BB looked at Dick for his reaction and saw that he seemed as puzzled about Star’s wardrobe choice as he was. Looking around and realising Rae still hadn’t joined him, he started to worry. When the bubbly fashionista Starfire beat Raven down to leave for a party, something was wrong. “Where’s Rae?” The others just looked at each other and shrugged. “I hope she is not unwell; she was so looking forward to seeing her African friends again.” She turned to go up to the stairs again and BB stifled a chuckle when he realised her dress was backless. BB watched as Cy had a similar reaction as he watched Dick’s jaw drop when he noticed. Hearing the subdued laughter, Star looked over her shoulder at her friends and BB saw the small cat like smile that graced her face as she noticed how her outfit had impacted her fiancé. “Is something wrong Dick?” Star came back down the stairs and stood in front of Dick who had only just managed to pick his jaw off the floor as Star pretended innocence.

Leaving Star to torment Dick as Cy basked in the embarrassment of their fearless leader, BB went up the stairs to find out what was taking Rae so long. He listened at her door, hearing a thump and cursing when he knocked. “Kori, will you get in here already!” BB slowly opened the door with his eyes covered in case she wasn’t fully dressed. “Beast Boy?! I thought you were…never mind, could you help me with this zipper?”  BB uncovered his eyes and looked around the room. Since moving in, Rae had really made it her own. Thick tomes and unidentifiable objects littered most available surfaces and clothes were strewn across everything else. In fact, it looked like a somewhat neater version of his old room, though it smelt way better. His eyes finally came to rest on the rooms occupant as she stood in front of the full length mirror in the corner, watching him in its reflection. She wore a dress which had a black lase top and a black silk skirt that went down to her knees. Unlike the 4-inch killer heels Star wore, Rae wore dark purple ballet flats. “Ahem.” BB’s gaze shot up from where they had been glued to her long legs and clashed with violet eyes. BB smiled at Rae’s little smirk of satisfaction. Apparently Star wasn’t the only who liked having an effect on the men around her. Raven pulled her shoulder length purple wavy hair out of the way so BB could see the zip she needed help with. He stopped just before he reached her, his gaze only briefly leaving hers when she turned to face him. “Is something wrong?” Such a simple question, and he didn’t really have a simple answer to give.

“I love you.” _Well, that’s one way to tell her._ He’d said it. He’d finally said it. Outside his head. With someone else in the room. With _her_ in the room. He’d said it to her.

To Raven.

It had felt like it was trying to claw its way out of him and the only way to survive was to give it what it wanted. Freedom. After he said it, he felt a small weight lift from his chest. So he said it again, louder so she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t heard him.

“I love you.” _Well that’s one way to tell her._ He’d said it. He’d finally said it. Outside his head. With someone else in the room. With _her_ in the room. He’d said it to her.

To Raven.

It had felt like it was trying to claw its way out of him and the only way to survive was to give it what it wanted. Freedom. After he said it, he felt a small weight lift from his chest. So he said it again, louder so she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t heard him.

“I love you, Raven.”

Raven just looked at him, not saying a word. BB shifted on the balls of his feet and waited for her to say something. _Anything._

“Vic told you, didn’t he?” BB was taken aback and a little confused. OK a _lot_ confused. “What does Cy have to do with this?” Raven rolled her eyes, crossed her arms and glared at him. “If you want me to believe that this sudden outburst isn’t the result of Vic telling you that I was in love with you, then you’ll have to try a hell of a lot harder than that!”

What. The. FUCK?! BB’s mind was torn between warring sides. One was doing a little happy dance because Raven loved him. She had just admitted, out loud, without threats of torture, that _she_ loved _him_. Beast Boy. The boy/man she had insulted and teased on numerous occasions since they met each other. Not that it had ever bothered him all that much. I mean it was Raven, that’s just how she was and it was kind of their thing. With everyone else she was always so calm and somewhat detached. But with him she let her walls down a little. **AND SHE LOVED HIM!!**

The other side was pissed. He had spent _hours_ in front of the mirror trying to figure out what to say; should he just come out and say the three little words that could possibly change his life forever, or should he ease into it, test the waters to see if she felt the same before he confessed to feeling something that could possibly get him killed, or at least sent to another dimension, if she didn’t feel the same. Now he found out that CY, his apparent best friend, had known the answer to the question that had been haunting him since he realised how he felt about the mysterious beauty and he hadn’t said **ONE GODDAMN WORD!!** BB tried to pull the two parts of his mind fighting for dominance when he realised that Raven was still talking.

“BB I know that all of this, _us,_ had left you feeling really guilty, but telling me what you think I want to hear is only going to make things worse.” He couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t believe it. Here he was pouring his heart out to her and she didn’t believe him. “I admit that hearing you say those words, even if you don’t mean them the way I wish you did, makes my heart race. But I’d rather end up the town spinster than let you force yourself to ‘take responsibility’ for something you didn’t mean to happen. We _both_ got drunk and we _both_ fell into bed together. It’s admirable and sweet of you to try and put most of the blame on your shoulders. One of the things I’ve always admired about you is that you always want the best for the people around you and you’ll do pretty much anything for your friends. But this isn’t a penance you have to pay, Beast Boy. I free you from any responsibility in this mess that you think you should shoulder.” Raven made a sweeping motion towards him as if clearing the air around him of something only she could see.

 “Rae, I…”

“Friends, what is taking you so long? We shall be late…am I interrupting something?” BB pulled back the hand that had automatically reached for her. _Huh, it’s usually Cy who cock-blocks me._ “Nothing. BB was just about to zip me up.” BB ignored the Beast growling at the back of his mind at the use of the word _nothing_ and moved towards Rae’s turned back. He used his claw to untangle the zip from the bit of lace it was snagged on, trying to tamp down the hit of lust he got when shivered when his claw brushed her skin. When the zip reached the top, he let himself have a moment to touch her silky skin at the nape of her neck as his gaze once again clashed once again with her in the mirror. A cough from the doorway forced him to step back as Raven moved swiftly past him and Star as she moved towards the stairs. Star gave him a sad smile before she followed, leaving BB alone in the room that smelt so much like her it made him ache and his Beast purr.

 

BB watched from the balcony above the main club’s floor as Rae danced with the one named Patrick. It was decided beforehand that BB, Dick and Star would join Rae to meet her new friends while Cy co-ordinated the rest of the heroes in the club to make sure she was never alone without one of them present. Dick wasn’t stupid, he may have given in to Rae’s request to meet up with her friends outside the Team but he wasn’t going to lower his guard. And with Titans East and other Titan groups invited to tonight’s party, he was as positive as he could be that no-one could hurt Rae under their noses. Just to be safe, he had booked out _Oblivion_ for the party anyway. A fact that BB was infinitely grateful for. He was here to look out for Rae, not fend off the wandering hands of club girls. As BB wondered when he had become such an old man, he watched as Rae handed of Patrick to the girl named Tamsin and went back onto the dancefloor with Jerry. As soon as he met the four people who had gained Rae’s trust while she was away, he was wary. He didn’t know if it was jealousy at them being able to befriend Rae when she was just being herself, or because there were 3 very attractive men in the group who could be classified as competition. OK, 2 if how Patrick was cuddled up to Tamsin was any indication. Rae had been dancing with Patrick the same as if it was Dick or Cy. If she danced with Dick or Cy the same way she was dancing with Jerry, BB would have flattened them, teammates of not. BB moved quickly towards the stairs, never taking his eyes off Rae as she shimmied next to the tall African-American male. He ignored the people calling out to get his attention and shook off Star when she tried to detain him. With less than a metre between them Rae apparently sensed trouble because she turned suddenly and locked-onto him as he ploughed through the crowd between them. Rae moved away from a startled Jerry, weaving her way gracefully through the club before moving out to the alley where he and Garth had talked last time. 

BB followed Rae out of the club, grabbing her hand and turning her around to face him. “What the hell is up with you?” She was not happy with him, and wasn’t shy about telling him so. “Me? What’s up with you? You tell me you love me and then turn around and start dry-humping someone else! How did you think I was going to react Rae?” Her face softened slightly before she put her mask in place. “We can never be together, Beast Boy. We’d only end up hurting each other and it’s not just us who would suffer for it, it would be the team. So we will just have to put our own wants and feelings aside for the greater good. We’re superheros, it’s kind of our thing.” BB didn’t laugh at her bad excuse for a joke. Instead he moved towards her, backing her into a shadowed spot against the wall where they couldn’t be seen by anyone passing by. “I have spent too long already pretending I don’t love you Rae. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m tired of having to save the city over and over again and not having a little bit of happiness for myself. Where does it say that being a superhero means you can’t let anyone close?” Rae rolled her eyes at him as she tried to move past him but he wouldn’t let her. “Page one sentence one of the unofficial superhero’s handbook. No surprise you haven’t read it.” He leaned in closer as he tilted up her chin so he could look into her beautiful violet eyes. “I don’t care if the world burned around us, I refuse to let you get away again without a fight.”

“That’s not how….” BB didn’t let her finish her sentence as he pushed her completely against the wall of the alley and kissed her. She made a show of trying to push him away before she finally gave in, pulling on his neck and waist to keep him pressed against her. BB deepened the kiss, moving against her in a way that had her gasping against his mouth. He took advantage and swept his tongue into her mouth, revelling in her taste that had been haunting his dreams. As they continued to try to devour each other, BB pushed his knee between her legs causing her to moan and arch her back as he moved his mouth off hers and started nibbling down her neck to her collarbone and the neckline of her dress. He slowly began gauging what she liked and what she didn’t like by the little sounds she made in the back of her throat. Realising she was close, he watched her face as he gripped her hips and moved her up and down his thigh in a rocking rhythm. It didn’t take long before she was biting her lip to try to stop her groans as she came for him, moaning his name. He watched the rise and fall of her chest as she slowly came down from the clouds. He gently kissed her as he held her close to his chest, trying to hold in his purr of satisfaction.

He raised his head and watched the emotions flicker across her face as they just looked at each other. He was worried he had gone too far too fast, but he was relieved when she smiled at him lazily. He returned the smile and kissed her gently, trying to show her how much he loved her without words. Her next sentence stopped him cold. “I’m sorry but no matter how good you are in bed it doesn’t change anything.” BB leaned back, trying to get her to look him in the eyes. “If Dick and Kori can be together, why can’t we?”  Rae just stared at him, the look in her eyes made his heart ache. “Because monsters don’t get to live happily ever after.” Before he could correct her, she was gone in a pulse of dark energy. And he was left in the dark alley outside the club trying to figure out how to get through to her. How had their relationship gotten this broken without him realising it?

 


	19. Back Where it All Began

Raven hugged herself as she looked out onto the calm blue water of the lake surrounding the Tower in the distance. She had realised their second night at the apartment that the building was tall enough to see the Tower in the distance if you sat on the roof. She shivered as a light breeze rushed through her, rustling her hair and chilling her through her purple shorts and sweatshirt. She heard movement behind her and sighed as she was suddenly engulfed in warmth as BB put his leather jacket around her shoulders. Rae closed her eyes as she burrowed into the warmth and soaked in his scent. She didn’t really fully comprehend how much she had missed him during her self-imposed exile until he was in front of her and she drank him in and suddenly felt like she was home.

She had been wrong. Home for her had stopped being the Tower years ago. Now it was a person, not a place. It was him.

Rae pushed aside those thoughts as she partially turned to face him. Their big emotional blow-out behind them, she hoped they could now talk it out and get on as friends without the messy emotions getting in the way. _Good luck with that!_ Raven ignored her emotions as they chorused as one inside her head.

“I think we should restart our talk from the other day.” BB started, not looking at her, instead choosing to stare out at the water that had entranced her moments ago. “I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but…” Rae was cut off by BB’s humourless chuckle. “That’s an understatement.” He muttered. He rubbed the back of his neck before he continued. “You have to understand, Rae. You’ve had most of the information from the start, I’m still catching up here. We went from best friends, to a night spent together in a hotel room that only one of us remembered, to Terra coming back into our lives and the pair of us starting up again, then the one night results in you getting pregnant which again only one of us knew about, then a trap that ended in you miscarrying. Followed by questions on ‘who’s the father’, ‘why did Rae suddenly lose control of her powers’ and ‘where the fuck _is_ she and why isn’t she coming home?’. Then I finally get some of the information, more than I was ready to handle honestly, and one of the only people who can give me some answers is nowhere to be found.”

Rae shifted deeper into his jacket, seeking comfort in his scent as he leaned forward and gripped his head in both hands. She wanted so badly to reach out and run her fingers through his hair, to comfort him, but she knew that that path lead only to pain when he eventually came to his senses and pushed her away.

“I think we need to talk this out from the beginning or I’m not sure how our relationship is going to survive.” His hands slid down the back of his head and gripped the back of his neck again, his muscles distracting her for a moment as they stretched his plain blue t-shirt. If they had to have this conversation, did he have to be so…hot?! Trying to repress her emotions was hard enough without adding his pheromones to the mix. “Where do you think we should start?”

He tilted his head to look her in the eyes. “Let’s start with that night. I’ve remembered a lot from then, but I admit that some things are still a little hazy. I remember you helping me to my room, and us making it inside. The next thing I remember is us in bed doing things I’m definitely never gonna forget again. How did we get from A to B?” Rae blushed as she turned her head away. Did he have to start off with that? She took a deep breath and started to fill in the blanks. He listened to her in silence, only interrupting to clarify this or that. She had to admit it was somewhat of a relief to get it all out in the open. She had told Vic and Kori, but telling the man himself was a little different. He at least had the decency to look ashamed when they got to the part where he called her Terra. “I’m sorry Rae. I know it doesn’t really mean much now, but when we were…I knew it was you. It was just in the moment between being asleep and awake my nose overruled my brain. I said something that hurt you, and I’m sorry.” Rae didn’t realise until then, but it was a relief to think he hadn’t been thinking of someone else when they created their child. If he wasn’t lying to spare her feelings.

“It’s ok Beast Boy, you don’t need to. I understand.” BB frowned at her. “So I reach for you and call you… _her_ name, you get upset like you had every right to do. And…what happened next?” Rae told him about sneaking into the bathroom, her stealthy search of the room for her clothing, which he could apparently relate to, and her teleporting home with a false story to Vic about an assignment needing to be done. She told him what she did with the remaining body wash, which got a laugh out of him, and the morning after pill, which was met with a grim silence. She skipped the hot shower and luffa incident deciding that some things should go unsaid especially if she wanted to keep him as a friend after this, and she did.

“Then Terra came back, you two started up where you left off and now here we are.” BB gave her a long look, waiting for her to continue. When she stayed silent he didn’t let it go. “I think you missed a giant part in the middle there Rae.” She shifted, causing a new wave of his scent to fill her senses. She was tempted to give the black leather jacket back but it was like a security blanket for her, it gave her strength to have this conversation with him. “I avoided being too near to you. I was worried that you’d get a whiff of my scent and it would dislodge whatever was blocking your memories. It hurt that you didn’t remember, but I know it would be worse if you felt awkward around me over a drunk one-nighter. Then I stumbled across you and Terra counting each other’s fillings with your tongues and it just confirmed for me that the best decision was to stay silent. You had another chance to have a relationship with the woman you loved and I wasn’t going to damage that because we got drunk and had sex. A few months went by and I started to feel a sick when I smelt certain scents, like coffee when I was having lunch with Garth. If he hadn’t pushed me to go see a doctor. I’m not sure how far along I would have been before I would have noticed myself. My powers have usually helped me heal myself, and anything too big for me to handle myself, I had the med-bay to help heal me. After I found out, I was determined not to tell you.” She held up her hand when he was about to say something in protest.

“Let me get this out, or I might never get the courage to tell you the whole truth again. When I found out I was pregnant, after the shock wore off, I was…terrified. Here I was, a pregnant superhero all alone with a baby on the way. I knew if I told you about the baby being yours, you’d do what you would see as the ‘right thing’ and I didn’t want that for you or our child. You and Terra were happy and I didn’t want to ruin it for you, and I didn’t want the child to blame itself in the future for you not being able to be with the woman you loved. I was telling you the truth when I said I wasn’t built for traditional relationships. I’m half-demon, my emotions cause my powers to become unstable, and I killed our baby. Anything other than a strictly physical relationship is completely out of the…”

Rae stopped talking when she realised BB was staring at her with his mouth open. “How could you possibly think that?” She looked at him, perplexed. His reaction to her future ‘relationships’ was more than slightly confusing. “Why? You know how much it hurts when relationships go bad so it can’t be that surprising that I’d forgo it all together for a friends with benefits arrangement.” His jaw snapped shut, and she could swear she could hear him growling under his breath.

“Not that. How could you think that you killed our child?” Rae wrapped his jacket more firmly around her. “We’re getting off topic here. We were discussing how when I found out I was pregnant and decided not telling you was the best course of action for everyone.” She definitely heard him growl this time. “You didn’t think I should get a say in what kind of role I played in our child’s life? And explain why you think you are responsible for our child’s death.”

“Actually we’re at the part where I decided that if I was going to keep the baby, I’d have to quit the Titans.” Raven leaned back as he shot up. “You _WHAT?!_ ” She refused to flinch as he towered over her, his breath coming out in pants as he started to run his hands through his hair as he paced back and forth across the roof. “I decided that I couldn’t keep running into danger when there was someone who relied on me solely for support. A plan I should have put into motion a lot sooner. It wouldn’t have been right to not be a Titan and still take up a room in the Tower so I was considering renting an apartment in the city where I could raise my child and still be close enough to see the team whenever I could.” BB was still pacing; Rae was actually a little worried he’d start pulling his hair out so she continued.

“It was after Wally’s 21st that I realised that I wasn’t being fair and that I had to tell you. I tried but I just couldn’t get past the point you just made: the baby was yours too and you should have a say in how he or she would be raised. And there was every likelihood that it would favour you in either appearance or powers and how would I explain that away? There aren’t many green people who can change into animals on Earth. I was trying to figure out how to tell you when… Slade captured us, set up his own sick little loyalty experiment, I killed our baby, ended up in hospital, came home, was steadily poisoned with fear serum which caused my powers to go wonky and gave me nightmares. Which led to me almost destroying the Tower and my family along with it and then I ran. Now here I am; back where I started 8 months after the fact with a psycho after me. That’s about it, Beast Boy, anything I missed?”

*****

 _Just one or two things._ BB was having trouble trying to wrap his mind around all the information being thrown at him at once. _Too. Much. Information. Brain. CRASHING!_ BB ignored the voice in his head. He decided to start with the least painful first. “Terra isn’t around anymore; you don’t have to keep calling me Beast Boy.” It was something in the way her gaze shot to his and then darted away that made him realise it wasn’t Terra’s presence that had made her drop his nickname. “What are you talking about, I’ve always called you Beast Boy.” _Lie._ BB usually ignored the Beast when it decided to use his animal instincts to tell when people were being dishonest with him, this time he needed all the help he could get to figure out what was going on and what Rae thought she had to hide from him. Didn’t she know she could tell him anything? Thinking back over their recent history, he realised their relationship was slightly more one-sided than he had realised. Sure, he had done everything he could to help her through the ‘Malchior Incident’ but since then he had been the one to rely on her more than she relied on him. That stopped now.

“No you haven’t, you know that. You started calling me BB after Terra came back and, to be honest it kind of bugged me. You are the only person who ever calls me Gar, then all of a sudden you started calling me BB instead. Dick said it might be because Terra didn’t know my birth name but something tells me that isn’t exactly the case, is it?” He knew by the way she refused to meet his gaze and looked out over the city at the setting sun that he had hit a nerve. But which one? He continued to stare at her, willing her to tell me why she had dropped the endearment which had been solely hers. She sighed and rubbed between her eyebrows. BB had to stop himself from wrapping her in his arms until she felt better. He played with frayed strands of fabric near the strategically placed hole in the knee of his jeans, waiting for her to speak. “I didn’t want you to remember.” His gaze clashed with hers, her violet eyes saying more than she probably realised. “What do you mean?”

She looked back at the sunset. “When we were…together that night, I didn’t call you Beast Boy or BB, I called you Gar and I didn’t want you to remember so I stopped using the nickname. That and it seemed weird to call you Gar when you were with Terra. It felt wrong.” BB went through his fractured memories of that night and agreed she had definitely said Gar a number of times, and Garfield. “You’re right. When I started to remember, I realised that it couldn’t have been Terra because she always calls me BB. She wouldn’t know to call me Gar or Garfield, almost no-one does except Rita, and you.” BB looked at her and realised how pretty she was when she blushed. “I know.” He forced his mind away from the many ways he could probably make her blush and tried to focus on what she had said. “You know what?” If possible, she was blushing even redder now. “The whole team knows she calls you BB when you were… You really need to check to make sure you’ve closed your door properly if you’re going to get that loud again.”

It took a minute for her words to sink in, but when they did she wasn’t the only one who was blushing. “Oh.” Rae snickered and he was so happy to hear the sound his heart almost beat out of his chest. It was the first time since she came back when he could actually imagine they could be ok after this.

 


	20. Stalker Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...hmm...sorry? I really didn't mean to go 6 MONTHS without an update but here we are and here it is. The awful part is I had about 3 pages of this written in my Teen Titans folder (yes I am that OCD) about the same time I last updated this story and just didn't have the inspiration to finish it. So here it is, the unpolished product of my mind between 2:30am and 4:30am. I'll probably have to tweek it a little later but until then please be unmindful of my bad spelling grammar etc.  
> As always, enjoy and feel free to comment.

Beast Boys leg bounced up and down as he willed the T-Jet to fly faster. 5 hours. It had been 5 hours since they had realised Raven had been abducted by her stalker and now his world was exploding around him. His mind went back to the nutcases mocking sneer on the Com-room’s screen as he had gloated when they realised Raven was missing.

*

BB stared at the image on the screen as the Beast screamed in his head to protect her. “What, no clever quips? No witty one-liners to show how unafraid you are of me and how certain you are that you can save her? I guess you finally know when you’ve been beaten, don’t you?” Derek, one of Ravens friends from Africa, stood front and centre in the middle of the shot. He smirked at the camera, the picture of smug satisfaction as he mocked the Titans.

“Why are you doing this? Where is Raven, Derek?” Star asked, the rest of them stunned silent as the gravity of the situation started to sink in. They’d had him. He had been within inches of Raven at the party, under their noses and with their _permission_ and none of them had even suspected him of being anything other than a typical college guy catching up with friends. How wrong they had been.

“I’m afraid, darling Starfire, that I had to mislead my beloved, and by extension you. I am not, in fact, Derek Isaacs. Actually, we all have an acquaintance in common. I believe you are familiar with Hive’s former headmaster Brother Blood? Well, I know him as Father. I am none other than Sebastian Blood and I thank-you warmly for reuniting me with my beloved Raven. I must say though, I can’t believe my father couldn’t figure out how to put you _vermin_ in your place.”

The room was silent. BB looked over at Titans East to gauge their reaction to the fact that Raven had been taken by the son of the bastard who mind-controlled them all in the past. An idea started to tickle the back of BB’s brain but he pushed it back as the psycho on the screen demanded his full attention.

Sebastian moved over to Rae’s prone form on the altar. BB swallowed down a snarl as Bloods hand slid slowly up her ankle to her hip. _She is OURS! He must not be allowed to live._ For once he and his Beast were in complete agreement, screw the superhero code: Blood was going to die for touching her.

“Right now my beloved is undergoing a transformation. She is trapped in her mind, the darkest parts of her psyche tormenting her until she finally gives into her true nature. When she awakens we will rule this planet side by side, after we reshape it a little. Don’t worry, we’ll leave Jump City for last so you can watch your world burn before your precious team-mate kills you slowly, basking in your blood. Then when you’re all dead we will consummate our union and build our dynasty of pain and terror on your corpses.”

BB glanced at his teammates and noted their grimaces. You had to hand it to the guy, he did crazy rants well; just the right amount of insanity and bloodlust to chill the blood in your veins and made you want to hurl.

“How in the hell did this guy not raise any psychotic douchebag bells?” BB whispered to Dick as their leader typed furiously at the keyboard as he tried to track down Bloods location. “I can answer that one freak.” BB tried to stop himself from grinding his teeth, deciding to let the idiot give away any information he felt like during the villains typical over confident phase of their conversation.

“Derek Isaacs is in fact a student at Jump U and he did sign up for the Africa program, I just waylaid him when I realised I could use his identity to get closer to my beloved. It was going so well too: I was days away from spiriting her away when someone showed up and snuck her right out from under me. A move they will pay dearly for when my beloved has come to her senses and channelled her demonic legacy, believe me. I was so close to her but I knew she was still a little jumpy after my dear pet Terra dosed her with fear toxin. I have to say Beast Boy; you do have excellent taste in bed-mates. Something you and Slade have in common I must say, not that you’ll want to dwell on that little fact I’m guessing.” BB tried to the bile rising up his throat while showing no emotion as Blood cackled manically on the screen as he stood behind Ravens’ prone form on the altar.

“I originally wanted my beloved to join me of her own free will, which was inevitable after her only ‘family’ abandoned her. All it took was a little fear toxin to make her powers unstable and Terra’s earthmoving to trash your pathetic home during one of Raven’s ‘episodes’ and I knew you would turn on her. I had planned to run into her when she was on her own, casually meet her and become the one person she could rely on to help her pick up the pieces. But I underestimated her. She’s more of a survivor than I ever gave her credit for. It took me months to find her and weeks to gain enough trust that I could finally help her become who she had always _meant_ to be.” Blood sighed as he looked down at Raven and BB had to count back from 50 to stop himself in check as the bastard ran his hand down Ravens’ cheek.

“Now circumstances being what they are I’ve had to improvise and push up my timetable yet again. Ah well, I’ll just have to cut out the courting and get down to the fun stuff. I’m feeling magnanimous in victory though, so I’m going to leave you with a little clip to show you that you staying away from my dear Raven is best for her sake as much as it is for yours.” BB didn’t like the way Blood smirked when he said that, but before he had time to tell him exactly where he could shove his ‘fun stuff’ and his ‘victory’ the screen went black and the room fell into silence as a clip played.

_It was from the camera in the gym, you could see a half-dressed BB going through one of his routines on the boxing bag. A shadow moved in the doorway and suddenly a rock encased in yellow energy flew from the doorway and whacked BB hard enough on his forehead to knock him out. A figure moved cautiously into the room and closed the door behind her. Terra moved swiftly across the room and checked BB’s pulse before checking her phone. A few moments passed before the room began to shake. Terra smiled, broke the stone slab beneath BB and used it to carry his body out of the room. A few seconds later the image switched to the hidden camera in the Com room. Terra walked in leading a floating unconscious BB. She used her powers to place him near the couch, the shaking in the Tower not seeming to bother her at all. Terra’s communicator started to flash but she didn’t seem to notice, too engrossed in her phone. Moving back from BB’s prone figure she flexed her fingers and suddenly the roof collapsed in on itself, burying BB in debris but only covered Terra in dust. Terra stood by idly for the next few minutes, except to send messages with her phone. When the shaking finally stopped, Terra put her phone away and let out a scream before using her powers to lift the debris off BB. Moments later Cy rushed into the room and immediately moved the hysterical blonde aside and went to work to help his friend. He didn’t notice the grin on her face behind his back or the way her eyes flashed blood-red for a second before going back to their normal clear blue._

The two Titan teams tried to not only wrap their heads around the latest in a long list of developments, but try to figure out what to do next as the next clip played. This one seemed to be of outside the Med-bay and was a discussion between Terra and Raven.

_“How could you do this?”_

The Titans and Titans East stood shocked as they watched Terra tear into Raven and plant false information in her head so the sorceress thought she was the one who had been at fault for Beast Boys injuries and the Towers destruction. “That girl is a stone-cold bitch.” Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with Bee but BB was too focused on the Raven in the video to pay anyone else much attention. The way she seemed to curl in on herself and the pain on her face as Terra asked her how she could hurt her family, hurt him, made him want to rip Terra’s throat out and wrap Rae in his arms and never let her go in equal measures. This had to of been the final straw. This had been the moment that had made Raven think that she was a danger to all of them and they were better off without her. Their friends’ reactions probably hadn’t helped but it was this conversation that had probably put it firmly in too far territory for Raven.

“Damn it!” They all turned to Dick as he crashed his fist onto the table next to the computer. “He was in contact for enough time for a trace, but he fed the signal through so many proxy servers it spat out over a dozen locations and we don’t have enough information to narrow it down.” Dick went back to typing furiously, grunting occasionally as the others put in possible search vectors to reduce the possible locations.BB stood off to the side, deep in thought when something occurred to him.

“Was she still wearing her locket?” The others turned to him in question. He looked up from where he was staring at his shoes and asked again. “Was she still wearing her locket? When she was with you guys? When she was in the video?” They all looked at each other, not sure where his priorities were since Raven was captured and all he could think about was a piece of jewellery. “Ah, yeah she was wearing it when we started watching the movie, she couldn’t stop fiddling with it actually but what does that have to do with…” BB cut off Bumble Bee and asked Dick to put up the recording he knew was made of every incoming call to the Tower. Sometimes Bat paranoia paid off. BB asked him to pause the footage when there was a clear shot of Raven as she lay on the altar. BB git his teeth and then startled everyone when he broke into a smile. “Gotcha.” He pushed Dick aside gently and zoomed in to show the locket still around her neck.

“Why didn’t he take it off when he took her, or when he changed her into those funky looking robes?” Cy asked, still not seeing what the big deal was. “Because I enchanted it so that the only people who can remove the locket from around Sunshines neck is either Sunshine herself or Green-bean.” Jinx strolled into the room and winked at Cy as she strutted next to BB and leaned on the table next to him as he began to explain.

“Keeping Rae hidden wasn’t going to last forever; either they were going to make a move and take her or she would have gotten fed up and used herself as bait to draw them out. Either way I wanted to make sure that no matter what happened I would always be able to find her.” He brought up a program on the screen and entered a password that loaded a world map. The program started to search as BB continued to explain. “I knew that tracking devices would be expected in her clothing, but they probably wouldn’t think of it being hidden in a piece of jewellery, especially since it’s undetectable unless it’s turned on like it is now.”

They all stared at him as his words sank in. Dick was the first to speak. “Are you telling me you bugged Raven?” he turned to Jinx, “And how did you know to come here anyway?” Jinx smirked at Dick, probably enjoying holding his ignorance of all the facts over his head. “Well… I finally managed to track down Red-X like BB asked me to and got him to fess up to who paid him to rob all those nice rich assholes and their sycophants. Apparently he was wired money to lead a semi-obvious trail through the charity functions of the rich and shameless. It was supposed to lead to the Olympus like you figured, but he wasn’t paid to pull that job just lead you there.” Dick and Cy were both glaring at BB. “ _You_ told her to find Red-X? What the hell! Are you trying to put her in danger?” BB went very still before he returned both their glares. “Jinx is the only one of us with the contacts needed to track down Red-X, I’m more surprised you didn’t ask her to track him down yourself.” Dick glared at him. “I tried to track him down but he went to ground after his last heist. Don’t think for a moment you were the only one trying to get this all sorted out BB, she’s important to all of us too.

BB turned away from the rest of them. “And is it was Starfire being hunted and not Rae?” Cy had to hold Dick back, but BB was too far gone to care. “My first and only priority was to find and put away the sicko trying to hurt Rae. That being said, Jinx is more than capable of getting herself out of trouble but she knew if she backed herself in a corner I was there to help her any way I could. I want Rae back. Not just in a safe house for as long as we can keep her hidden or she gets fed up, but back in the Tower with the Team where I can see her every day and _know_ she’s safe. I’ve had to live without her for the last few months, I’m not willing to let her go any time soon. If you can’t accept that or if you get in the way of that happening, then I’ll be more than happy to leave with Rae once we get her back. The only way I’m letting her go after all this is if she asks me to. Beyond that I plan on us being a package deal from now on.”

He finally turned to Dick and gripped his shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry about the crack, I’m just fraking out about how close we were to this all being over and Raven finally being safe without us realising it. He was in a club surrounded by super-heroes and he didn’t even break a sweat. It’s nuts.” Dick nodded his head in acknowledgement to BB’s apology. “He’s either really cocky or he’s a socio-path. Given the taunting video, I’m inclined to believe he may be both.”

“So what do we…” Roy’s question was cut short as the Titans alarm went off.

“Oh, for Christ sake!” Cy groaned as his head fell back. Jinx giggled as Dick brought up the alert.

“It seems Ding Dong Daddy is wreaking havoc at the Wayne Enterprises Inventors Convention. Apparently someone invented a new engine that…” Bee cut Dick off before he could continue on his alert briefing. ‘Ding Dong is ours. Original Titans need to get to whatever location Ravens at.”

“Are you sure? It’s probably a trap to divide our forces so we done come at him with our full strength.” Dick was almost always paranoid, but in this instance, he had a good point. Bumble Bee looked at her team-mates for approval before she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Look, we’ve been wammied by Bloods mind-control before and we don’t want to risk his son turning us against you in the field and whether or not it is a distraction, people in your city are being terrorised by an idiot with an unhealthy attachment with his car.” She glanced at Cy briefly. “No offence. The more people who go with you, the more people he could possibly turn against you. You need to keep your ground force as small as possible to minimise the risks while leaving you enough people to get the job done. You 5 are it. With Raven being the hostage, you need someone fluent in magic to try and guard yourselves, if possible, against Blood’s mind control and possibly turn Raven back to herself again. She needs you now, let us keep the city safe while you do what you have to do to protect your family. We’ll take care of the this; you just bring our girl home safe and sound.” With her piece said, she let her Team out of the Tower and into the night while the Titans tried to figure out their next move.

The computer pinged and they all gathered around to discover where a psycho with an overinflated ego and a god complex would take their half-demon friend to do a ritual that would turn her evil.

 

Beast Boy was brought out of his thoughts as Dick’s voice crackled over the T-Jets com link. “We’ve arrived. Welcome to Zandia.”

 

 


End file.
